Hi all! Well got problem with my MOH. We used to be so close, even managing to live together at one point without it ruining our friendship! We became like sisters and I would always go to her if I needed advice. Well now I can't do that as she is no longer the person I thought she was. She has become a self-centred bitch. She seems to only want to know me when it suits her. I seem to be the person that she uses to bithc about her other friends to. But I don't know if I can trust that she does not bitch about me to them. Especially as she is sooo nice to them when they are about, but is so horrible when they aren't. She has even managed to turn my wedding day in to something about her. She keeps on telling me, she is going to be the fat and frumpy bridesmaid. It is not my fault that since having her 3 girls she has gained a lot of weight, and it is not my fault that she needs a size 20 dress. I tried last night to discuss my issues about her lack of contact with me last night when I received an online message from her asking if I still liked her (bit of a childish, playground question, I know). I asked her why she would ask this question, and it is apparently because she hasn't seen me since one of her girls had threadworm (again, bit childish). She managed, throughout the conversation, to turn it so I was the bad guy and she was complaining about my behaviour. She ignores me usually when I am sitting online chatting to other people, that is unless I say hi to her first. This bit may seem a little petty, but it seems I am always making the effort to keep the friendship going. She has only been on a night out with me once in the time I have been friends with her and that is cos I had to literally beg her to come out after she let me down on my birthday. Because of everything that has happened, I don't think I can have an unreliable 2-faced bridesmaid, let alone MOH! I just don't know how I can tell her I don't want her as a bridesmaid anymore. I have thought about it, and I needed to drop a bridesmaid due to cost anyway, as I have a small budget as it is. Does anyone have any idea on how I can tell her. x
CommentAuthorltw979
To be honest i think that is what you need here honesty, tell her that you really need to lose a bridesmaid and that as you're obviously not as close as you once were then she is your choice. I think anyone that can turn your day into a drama about them already might cause problems on the actual day anyhows. Another thing is i think that she is being ridiculous about her being the fat, frumpy one, she really needs to see its nearly 2 yrs till your wedding (unless your date is wrong at the top) and that is plenty of time to lose weight, crying out loud i only have 7mths and need to lose about 3 stone but thats plenty of time to do it properly. I really hope you sort it out! x
CommentAuthorprincess_alicia
i agree honey. you need to be honest with her. she'd waste no time being honest with you if it was the other way round. and she sounds like the type of person not to stand for the crap you are standing for from her. hoper you work this out babe. big hugs to you x x x
CommentAuthorSoon2beMrsHall
Sit her down and tell her that you are not close anymore and that u dont want he as you moh. Other thing she feels fat and frumpy in a size 20 then she needs to do something about it.
Cant wait to to marry Martyn
Wishes the wedding would come faster
XxX
i want to tell my MOH that i no longer want her but shes is michaels neice and theyre pretty close and i know his whole family would hate me and think i was a b1tch.. so looks like she staying as my MOH, but if its not complicated then i would definately tell her or maybe try work things out?
Soon to be Mrs Laura Naylor !!
24th June 2011
CommentAuthorOneDayMrsSmith
I don't think I want either of my BM's anymore. Sigh. One lives in turkey but is H2B's sister, and the other ... well she's just pretty useless ... but I don't have any other female friends lol x I'd have a chat with her, maybe go to WW together if she needs to lose weight x
CommentAuthordizzydora4
didn't want to read and run. I think you should be honest and tell her how she makes you feel and that its best if she no longer be MOH x
CommentAuthorkrisw86
Thanks so much for all your help. I would go WW with her, but I'm managing my weight pretty well for someone with limited mobility. I'm still a size 10. She was on a diet and had "a week off". Gonna have to just tell her how things are, and if she doesn't like whats said then I guess she wasn't really my friend. Seems I'm not the only one with a problem tho eh? lol xx
CommentAuthorOneDayMrsSmith
Haha, there's tonnes of us with problems on here! And well done to you with your weight then :) Chuffin week off. I'm lucky if I get an hour off the diet! x
CommentAuthorkrisw86
Hi all had this from her 2day! Think she trying to get me to go grovellin to her for something i havent done:
hiya look i think we both no u dnt wnt me in ya life anymore its bin goin funny 4 a bit o time now nd with us both bein busy looks like we only growin further apart so as much as it pains me 2 say this i'll back out o ya life k. i dnt wnt u 2 b hateful towards me so if i jus make it easy nd leave u alone den dere is no reason 4 bad feelings eh. i thought we'd be best friends forever but it seems that well we just dont have time anymore which is a shame. much love always to you and liberty. if u dnt wana b mates on fb either will understand if u delete me but take care o yaself. chris .
Bit stupid really. She isnt getting a reaction out of me, and I never got the chance to actually have a chat with her about stepping down!
xx
CommentAuthorTattieSoup
Maybe it's not about wanting you to go grovelling, maybe she just wants to be reassured a bit.
I don't have kids but one of my friends that does says that she found it really isolating when she first had them - she got really worried that her friends found her boring, and she put on weight and was really uncomfortable and unhappy with herself. Maybe all the bitching about being the frumpy bridesmaid isn't to get at you, but just because she is hoping that you will reassure her and say that it's not true, she looks fine, she's just imagining it etc.
The backstabbing could be because of the same thing, people with low self esteem sometimes slag off other people because they think it makes them look better. If you think this is out of character for her and not what she used to be like, maybe it's just a sign that she's feeling insecure.
Also it's probably hard for someone with three kids to go on nights out, so maybe you need to be patient about that and think of other things that you can do together.
Has she had any of the children recently? Could postnatal depression be an issue?
When one person in a relationship has children and the other doesn't, it does change their priorities and affects the dynamic, and sometimes people do just drift apart. It does sound a bit as though your friend is having a hard time at the moment though, and if you used to be very close, maybe you could give it another go. Some things are more important than weddings!
CommentAuthorkrisw86
Tattie, I have a 2 year old daughter. I don't go out that often cos I don't like people looking at me using a walking aid at 24! She had a baby in July and is acting the same as she was before she had her youngest. My problem is that she will make all the time in the world for everyone else, but when it comes to me, her best friend, I get dropped. I'm not the important one. I'm always telling her she's being silly about her size, and that she won't be a frumpy bridesmaid. She isn't exactly the smallest of people, but I'm a bit more sensative to her size than she thinks. The only other thing is, all her other friends are big like she is, and she has been big since she was 16! she 22 now. I don't normally waste my time with people that don't bother with me. I'm fed up with her only wanting to know me when it suits her and not when I just fancy meeting up for a bit.
CommentAuthorsarahwasabride
hi welcome hun
maybe just send her an email tellin her about what u think xx
CommentAuthorkrisw86
sarah, i did. and she didnt seem to care. i been trying for a long time and it not worth carryin on now. so just gonna let her get on with things now, and im gonna concentrate on my life and my family xx
