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Wedding Forum - MOH Hates her Dress!!!!...

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    • SophieW827
      Getting married in 3 months
      Posted: Mar 2nd 2020
    Hi everyone, I hope you can help!! Also so sorry for the essay!!

    So, the dresses they have at the moment are all different because the sizes of the girls range from a 4 petite to a 14/16 regular. So the easiest option was for everyone to find something they liked and just make sure they all go well together (I paid for all of the dresses).

    The MOH was rather difficult to please, she is the largest size in the group so I really wanted her to be comfortable (her dress also cost more than the other girl's, but I bought it to keep her happy). She is also helping a lot with the wedding and is one of my oldest and best friends.

    Fast forward... I've changed my mind on the bridesmaid dresses (well, I reverted back to what I wanted in the first place but I was trying to please everyone else!!).

    I've let all of the girls know and I've said they can keep the dresses they currently have (it was just easier, some have paid extra towards them etc.. etc...), they have all been so lovely and supportive and they're glad I'm going to choose something I love for them ...apart from the MOH.

    I want everyone to wear the same lovely, simple dress that I've found. It AMAZINGLY comes in a 4 petite AND goes up to an 18 regular! The straps are adjustable and it ties in at the waist. Bingo! Will fit everyone, there's no fuss. It's flattering. I'm not asking anyone to cover the costs etc.

    However, the MOH has made it VERY clear that she doesn't like it. I still asked her to try it & she honestly looks lovely in it!! But she HATES it and is now being so difficult and it's really put a downer on it all for me. She keeps saying it will suit the other girls because they are smaller, and no matter how much I tell her it looks absolutely fine and genuinely lovely, she's not having it. I did suggest we try to find something different that would match the other girls, but there's nothing I like that she's showing me as a alternative, and I really want everyone in the same.

    It's now getting a bit frosty and I don't know what to do... I've suggested getting it altered, trying a different size & so on, but she's refusing everything.

    I searched HIGH AND LOW to find something that would fit everyone and will look nice but also not cost a fortune because this is the second round of dresses.

    I really don't want the hassle of trying to find something else when I'm already out of pocket. After some back and forth, she has - through gritted teeth - said she will wear it but I'm gutted to be honest. There's a bad feeling in the air and I don't want her to feel 'ugly' in the dress, but I also think there's nothing for her to be complaining about...

    Please help. Should I change them AGAIN to find something she likes or just stick with the new option which I like and everyone else likes??
    • KerriR86
      Posted: Mar 2nd 2020
    Hi Sophie,

    I know everyone has their own tastes in dresses, but as a bridesmaid or maid of honour, they should respect your wishes and go with what you like, on the condition that they feel comfortable in what they are wearing.

    I wouldn’t expect anyone to wear something that they didn’t feel comfortable in.

    If you switch views to see it from another angle, your friend may have body issues and really doesn’t like how the dress looks on her.

    Imagine if you tried your wedding dress on, and everyone said it looks so lovely, it flatters you, the dress is the one for you. But you didn’t feel it, you felt the complete opposite. You didn’t feel comfortable to wear it, you wouldn't chose it, you would change it to something you felt confident in.
    This is most likely what your friend is going through, especially if she is slightly bigger than your other bridesmaids.

    I’m a size 14 myself and I know from personal circumstances that dresses look different on a person depending on size, and you really need to feel good in a dress, especially up against girls that are smaller than you.

    Some brides have their maid of honour in a slightly different shade so they stand out from the other bridesmaids. Would this be an option for you to consider?
    If not, then just have a word with your friend to see exactly what she doesn’t like about the dress and see if anything can be added, as in a shawl/bolero maybe.

    You can pick up some lovely dresses from Dorothy Perkins in their bridesmaid range, or ASOS, all reasonably priced, if prices are tight due to spending out already.

    I hope you find a solution & Good luck :)
    • SophieW827
      Getting married in 3 months
      Posted: Mar 3rd 2020
    Hi Kerri, thank you for your reply!

    I completely understand this, and I have not been shirty with her at all about it. I guess I'm more 'deflated' because of her attitude... she was so sassy with the first round of dresses which is why I spent more on hers and there was MONTHS of going back and forth (hence why I gave in and let her have a bigger budget). & this was nothing to do with size, she didn't like the dresses I was choosing/suggesting and vice versa.

    I've given plenty of options for the new dress, alterations etc but she's not having it. She says she is self conscious of the chest area (but it's all covered and I made sure to get the adjustable straps), so I initially said "OK, let's look for something similar to match the other girls" and the dresses she came back with her MORE low cut and would have been more of an issue than the one I asked her to try! I said this to her and she didn't really have a response, so I'm really confused.

    I understand if she doesn't feel great or uncomfortable, but in all honesty I think it's an excuse for her to get her own way again.

    I'd like to add as well that one of my other best friends is getting back a few weeks after me and I'm not keen on the dress I'm having to wear for that (the other bridesmaid is very petite and has just had a baby so we went with what she liked), but I'm happy to wear whatever the bride picks because I know the trouble I'm having with it all, and I've not caused a fuss.

    The dress I am asking her to wear is plain black with straps and it ties in at the waist, so it's nothing that I thought would causes issues. I feel like I'm going to have to give in again just so she isn't stomping around because she can't wear first dress :(
    • KerriR86
      Posted: Mar 4th 2020
    Hey Sophie,

    I seem to be the only person replying to messages within the forum at the moment, i feel a bit like an agony aunt (not that i mind) hehe.

    Your dresses sound lovely - So i'm not sure what your friends issue is. As a bigger chested girl myself, as long as i have a good sturdy strapless bra then i feel secure and held in place. And with the dress being black, its slimming anyway, so its even better.

    Could you suggest a strapless bra to her to make her feel more secure?
    If this is something that has already been discussed, as it does sound like you have given her all options, then i really do not know what to suggest now, or how to move on.
    Maybe you will have to put your 'bad cop' hat on and have a strict conversation with her, relay all the options you have already gone through, and then lay down the cards that she isn't willing to try any of the options you have offered, and so, she has left you with no other choice but to stick with this dress, you wont be reverting back to our original dress and she can either like it or lump it, and try to explain to her how much stress this is causing you, which it shouldn't be. Hopefully her mood will improve and on the day she will love it like everyone else.
    It might be worth inviting your other bridesmaids as back up, so she can hear their opinions too xx
    • SophieW827
      Getting married in 3 months
      Posted: Mar 4th 2020
    Hi Kerri,

    Your agony aunt role is appreciated!

    Thank you for taking the time to respond again, it really does help. I've obviously spoken to my other half and my parents about it, but it can be difficult to get unbiased advice.

    Following your last reply, I did have another look around to try and find something else for her to wear. I found 2 more dresses and sent them over to her, only to have no response. So I'm quite naffed off now... I can't seem to win either way!

    Like you say, I might have to just be upfront and say there's no other option.

    Thank you for listening to me blabber on!! xxx
    • KerriR86
      Posted: 7 days ago
    Hey Sophie, how did you get on in the end?
    I hope everything is all sorted now :) xx
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