Ive got a bit of a dilemma on my hands. Basically, MIL2B has been a nightmare recently. Nothing to do with the wedding, mainly my H2B's 30th, which she said in front of my face, that she wasnt invited to (she was, repeatedly). Then to go on and plan another birthday meal (after asking me to plan it- i said no) which we all had to pay for and ended up paying more than her...grrr.
Anyway, my parents are helping us out quite a bit with the Wedding (we dont actually need them to, but they have offered) and my mum keeps asking what the other side are going to contribute. Now, I know his Dad and Step mum will give us something, but I really doubt that MIL and Partner will. They keep complaining that it's their holiday for next year already (were getting married abroad) and that we are pushing all the costs onto our guests.
Every conversation we have with them is a negative one about the wedding. So Ive stopped talking about it with them. They are also staying on the other side of the Island because the place weve picked is "like Faliraki" (note: there isnt even a nightclub on the whole Island!!!).
On the flip side, H2B Step mum, i get on really well with. I tell her quite a lot about the plans, and she is so excited about it all. Her and H2B mum have NEVER got on. When they are in each others company, one usually ends up getting annoyed and leaving. I know StepMIL will be absolutely lovely at the wedding, but feel like MIL2b will make an atmosphere. I also know how my parents will feel if they dont contribute at all.
So what Im asking is a few things really: - with regards to thank you presents, who do I thank if two sets of parents have contributed but then one set havent?? - how can i minimise the ill feeling of the whole thing, when there will only be about 40 people at the wedding!
Any advice or if your going/gone through similar would be great!!
Danni xx
CommentAuthor~Beauty&TheBeast2Be~
Not going to lie, i am a bit of a b*itch, and if i was in the situation i would thank step-MIL and FIL for all there help, with the planning and being there to talk to ect, and your thank your side equally and leave her out completely. And then when she storms out, laugh (i know my bloke would back me up if we was in this situation).
What has your partner said about this? Has he offered any words of advice, or spoke to his Mother about this?
x
*..Embrace Your Dreams..*
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CommentAuthorLauraJo87
If your giving them out on the day, it could cause drama on the wedding day if mil2b doesn't get anything....I think regardless of whether she contributes financially or not you should get her at least a token. At the end of the day, it is her personal choice whether to contribute or not, and i can see why your parents will be a bit miffed, Im not sure they have any real right to be...just my opinion though.
We are in a similar situation with the mum and step mum - we have a similar size wedding and day do. My step mother had an affair with my father when he and my mum was still married, so as you can imagine there is a lot of bad feeling there. we are just keeping them apart as much as possible, and hoping that they will both respect the fact that it's my wedding day! I am a bit nervous about it, though, as they have never actually met before...
Xx
My Beating Heart Belongs To You
30 August 2013
The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
CommentAuthorDanni13
Hiya ladies, my H2B wont have a word or anything because when he has done so in the past (21sts, Graduation etc) it has always been met with a kick off from one side. And I think that he would just rather not aknowledge it, than actually have a conversation with them now. H2B just accepts his situation, after all its been like this for over 20 years, it's me whose not used to it and who doesnt think its how people should behave- but then again, my parents are together.
Yeah maybe I should not give them out on the day- i think we are going for experiences rather than flowers anyway while we are away. I will get his mum a token gift, but Im really unsure what to thank them for!
And i completely know what you mean LauraJo, my parents have no right to sulk if others dont want to pay anything towards, it is their personal choice, I just know MIL wanted to be very involved with H2B brothers wedding and contributed by paying for their suits. It would just be good to know (for budget purposes) what exactly they intend to do. I don't mind if they dont contribute at all to be honest- I just don't want to have to publicly thank them for doing sweet FA apart from slating everything and moaning about it!lol xx
I do feel for you Laura with them having never met...I hope they will just ignore each other and keep the peace for your sake xx
CommentAuthorLauraJo87
Yeah me too!
I know what you mean about people wanting to contribute but not quantifying it - you don't want to ask coz it feels cheeky but it makes it hard to plan and budget, even of you're not expecting or counting in anything. Xx
I was quite honest with my parents, I asked them outright if they intended to contribute so I could budget accordingly, as obviously if they wanted to contribute something its one less worry for us and we know the score as it were. My dad told me when we viewed a venue together that I could either have the wedding or the money it would cost for my wedding. If he had told me to bog off that would have been fine. As it turns out he is making a big contribution and he will be thanked accordingly, as is my mum, and we are very lucky they are helping us out, although we wouldnt have needed it.
My MIL on the other hand is not really in a position to contribute and has not offered. She may do nearer the time but its not expected. We will be getting her a bunch of flowers as a gift but nothing more. My mum will probably get flowers and some jewellery, and my dad will probably get a nice personalised manly item and an experience day or something. I dont think you can exclude her completely, as that would be a bit, well, childish I guess lol, but just get her a 'token' gift; flowers, a voucher, bottle of wine.
The only nightmare ive had so far is actually from my mum who got a bit snotty when every dress she pointed out to me I said no to!
Met my prince charming - May 2002
Finally tying the knot - July 2015
Where there is love there is life - Muhatma Ghandi
CommentAuthorMel D
My mum contributed, and MIL did not. Not just money, but time and other help. We got them both some flowers to hand out during the speeches, but I got my mum something extra and gave it to her separately the day before when no-one else was there. That way the MIL didn't lose face and I got to thank my mum properly.
Got married Sat 28/05/2011
Renewing vows Sat 29/05/2021
We're planning WELL in advance!!
CommentAuthor*The NewMrsMalin*
Like most people have said; I'd get her a token gift but nothing fancy and thank your fil and step mil and your parents accordingly. I haven't asked my parents if they are contributing anything; they have paid for my bridesmaid dresses and shoes so have contributed but my fmil and step ffil haven't said anything about contributing :S
Met in 2009
Got together on12th May 2011, proposed on the 12th May 2013
When you get knocked down; smile and pick yourself up again!
Fight for what you believe in!
CommentAuthorDanni13
yeah it is an awkward conversation, especially if their going to turn around and say no. lol...awkward.... I planted the seed in Step MIL2B when i was on phone to her other night, just saying we are firming up numbers to the pound at the moment... yeah I was intending on getting my parents and his dad n step mum a trip to the winery VIP and then maybe jewellery, if we dont give them out on the day, i suppose she will be none the wiser... but obv just get something to say thanks for giving birth to my husband lol xx
