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  1.  
    • MrsEmmaP
      CommentAuthorMrsEmmaP
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Nov 25th 2014
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      edited
     
    Sorry ladies just need a little rant about my FMIL!

    She has had a new boyfriend for around a year and hasn't told him that my H2B's dad is also the dad of her best friend's children, because she is embarrassed that he left her for her friend and embarrassed because she thinks her friend is uglier than her!!!! So to try to avoid her partner finding out she has told us that we don't need her friend there because she is not family, even though she used to be H2B's step-mum, she is the mother of his 3 siblings and he gets on well with her, of course he refused and told her he wanted her there.
    We found out last night from H2B's uncle (MIL's brother) that she has told him that H2B's dad probably wasn't going to go to the ceremony because he didn't need to and would only be going to the evening. Now this is the first me and H2B have heard of this and of course his dad will be coming for the full day, he's his dad!!
    I am just wondering what she is going to try next, it is stressing us both out and she is saying she doesn't want to interfere but then is telling people who is and isn't coming to our wedding without even speaking to us first!!
    Has anybody else had any similar problems? How do we stop her??

    Members signature icon
    Got together on 14th March 2010
    Got engaged on 25th December 2013
    Became Mrs P on 14th May 2016 - best day ever!
  2.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Nov 25th 2014
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    I've not had these kinds of problems but I think the most effective way to deal with it is to just be honest and upfront with her. It's no good treading on eggshells around her as she probably won't stop, so I would just be firm and make it clear to her that she needs to stop interfering and if she wants to discuss anything, then to discuss it with you first. She might be upset at first but sometimes you need to be cruel to be kind xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  3.  
    • barbie86
      CommentAuthorbarbie86
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Nov 25th 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    She sounds a bit like my MIL (who is horrendous; she has something called narcissistic personality disorder and is just an awful person who did her best to cause as much trouble as possible after we got engaged :-/).

    My advice is to be polite but firm. With the thing with his dad, I would have said something like 'I'm not sure why you think that!' and just laugh. She's trying to cause trouble, so don't let her; rise above it, and laugh at her/about how silly she is. I would also have your OH tell him to stop meddling, but if she's anything like my MIL, this will probably fall on deaf ears, so just take each thing as it comes. I would also keep some distance and not discuss any plans with her as my gut tells me she may well try to interfere if you do.
  4.  
    • DeniseA23
      CommentAuthorDeniseA23
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Nov 25th 2014
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    I've had similar experience ironically with my own mum and my MIL is actually a bit more supportive.My mum keeps inviting people I don't know to the wedding and not in an official capacity, literally just seeing her friends and saying come to the wedding it will be here on this day, then suggesting ridiculous 'money saving' tips so we can add them. I've had 'forget the venue have the reception in your garden' She also never tells me she's invited them so I keep hearing my wedding plans from other people while I'm at the supermarket, who just say 'can't wait till the wedding, you mum says just come along'

    I had to play hard ball with her. I laid down what we were planning and told her that I would be gutted if she wasn't a part of our day but the added pressure she's applying with her shenanigans means I'm gonna have to reduce her involvement if I couldn't trust her to be my support system and not someone I have to keep tabs on.

    I then gave her a project of crocheting Bolero type wraps for the bridal party. Given her something else to focus on and still feel helpful even though she has no guest list privileges.

    I explained why we had organised things the way we had and she seemed more receptive. I would suggest you & you H2B have a United front and maybe meet for ancoffee of lunch on neutral ground and just express what you want and why your having it that way. No mother could begrudge her son having his own father and siblings at his wedding. Then maybe give her a project that you only 'trust her' to do to show that she really is special, it's a good distraction method.




  5.  
    • clairenina
      CommentAuthorclairenina
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Nov 25th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    So many of us have gone through close family members trying to be controlling. Be firm, do what YOU and your fiance want, and not what others think they can tell you to do. Being strong and firm doesn't make you rude (you can be tactful and polite about it), so I think it's best to stop these things happening before she carries on and think she can make more demands. I think it's also important for you as a couple to be united on sorting things like this out xx
  6.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Nov 25th 2014
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    I think your h2b needs to sit down and chat with her properly about this and for him to tell her who is and is not going to your wedding. Sounds like she still has a lot of insecurities and taking them out on your wedding,

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  7.  
    • *KelBel*
      CommentAuthor*KelBel*
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Nov 25th 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    But weird tbh! Especially as it's got nothing to do with her who goes. Think she needs to grow up a bit and act like the bigger person rather than doing chinese whispers with everyone as it's making her look like an idiot when she's shown to be wrong x

    Members signature icon
    Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
    Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
    Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
    Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
  8.  
    • MrsEmmaP
      CommentAuthorMrsEmmaP
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Nov 25th 2014
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    Thanks ladies, I don't really like her anyway as she has done a lot of other things in the past so I'm probably more annoyed than I should be, but she has no right to say who does and doesn't get an invite just to keep something that isn't a secret hidden from her partner. She is very childish, selfish and petty at the best of times but it is bothering me more because it's our wedding she's effecting now! H2B has told her but she can always seem to get around him (she won't with this but I'm sure she will with something else), and I am made to feel like I'm not allowed to say anything to her because she's not my mum (by her not my fiance).

    Members signature icon
    Got together on 14th March 2010
    Got engaged on 25th December 2013
    Became Mrs P on 14th May 2016 - best day ever!
  9.  
    • VictoriaL46
      CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Nov 25th 2014
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    That's really weird behaviour. I've been incredibly lucky with my FMIL, we get on really well and she has been a mother to me for nearly 9 years, I joke saying it's because she feels sorry for me (my mother walked out when I was a teen) but really she has said to me on more than one occasion that I make her son happy and that's all she wants.

    I hear a lot of horror stories of in laws not getting along and it saddens me to hear that :( I hope it all works out in the end for you x

    Members signature icon
    Met in Nov 2005
    Engaged 13th June 2013
    Becomes Mrs Stewart on 10th Aug 2015 Honeymoon in Florida!
    My Diary Thread: My Alice in Wonderland Wedding Diary
 
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