Wedding Forum - MIL Issues - Help please?!...

My mam went through a rough divorce and I was a bit worried about being too 'weddingy' around her, but she came round and now I wish she'd butt out a bit lol!

Why not try taking her out for something non-wedding related and see if she brings it up? Some people just aren't that fussed about weddings xx

Hmmm I didn't think that was a swear word! I thought it was something goats did with there heads??

Unless it autocorrected on me!

Oops x

Lou, I understand that you want her to be there and to have a nice outfit but as long as she's there for your day then who cares what she's wearing.

Maybe try a girly day out the three of you together and try and get her in the spsirit but don't forget it's a while away yet so she still has time to get excited.

My mum is excited for us and looking forward to it but isnt all giddy and involved and as you well know, it's next Saturday. It might just be her approach to it all hon so don't take it too much to heart xxx

The wedding is likely bringing some feelings she doesn't like back. Maybe sit her down and have a chat. Take her for a day out , offer to help her pick an outfit. Be sympathetic.

we actually took her out the other wk and calmly brought up the sour part of the topic regarding his dad, and that we understood she was probably anxious and worried about that situation, with him being there and the fact if he was there was a chance his Mrs would be (long story short, she's the one he left OH's mom for) and we reassured her that no matter what this woman wasnt going to be there, that was a definite from word go, its the only thing ive involved myself in regarding that part of his life, but she also didnt have to worry that he was going to be there either because he knows what he has done and despite everything he's going to step away and not attend so Chris's family can enjoy the day without worrying... she perked up a bit but not entirely.
We are being sympathetic but what i meant by it was that we dont want to go on n on about either wedding in front of her as we know it may be bringing back feelings / memories etc but at same time we dont want to do it behind her back because when we've discussed something eg, going to choose BM dresses, and shes found out later shes all up about why she didnt know before! cant win!

We're just going to leave it now till nearer the day, my SIL said she'll probs end up going round with her to find an outfit for our wedding, and i said make her try on things that are slightly pricier than Primani just for 'fun' and then ill sneak in at a later date and buy it her or give her a voucher for a store like Debs or something and explain that she has to use it on an outfit, but in the nicest possible way because i do want to treat her and make her feel part of it!

Cant win! I know what they say about MIL's, i thought i got it easy!

Yeh I also don't want her to think I'm giving it to her because I feel she can't afford it, nothing like that! Just obviously she knows the BM's are being all dolled up and makeup/hair done for them so would be nice to treat her too. Just not sure how much to give her!

It'd be nice for her to feel better and dressed up and treated in general cause she's had a tough couple of yrs - in the time that I have known her, she fell over in the snow 2yrs ago and broke her arm, and still has trouble with it now so cant work, is alone in a flat, doesnt get out much, lost her dad last October, sees her mother most mornings, doesnt get on with her sisters etc... doesn't have a man in her life at the moment, 2 of her close friends moved away, her ex best mate (my OH's ex's mother) she finally got rid of..etc! Would be nice to treat her. But as much as hate to say it, as thoughtful and nice as that is for me to do, my SIL made a point yesterday.... its all good treating her but half the time she doesn't give a flying hoot and won't see it as a kind gesture or appreciate it! So again can't win!

Oh no Natalie, Chris's Dad is staying away from the wedding, gutted as we are, but originally Chris's brother put us in a horrible situation, if Chris's dad was coming, he wouldnt (so that would him, SIL, niece and nephew wouldnt come) and werent asking us to choose but if he was there they wouldnt be. Luckily (in greatest respects) his Dad came out with it first and said he'd been thinking about it ever since we got engaged but feels it best for everyone if he stays away, so Chris had about 2months of stress and anxiousness but luckily for him didnt have to say anything, despite how thoughtless and selfish his brother was being!! This is Chris's dad, an only son, (his bro and sis have a diff dad) but yeh!

Crazzzyyyyy... thought my lot were bad enough cause they're all jewish (and me) and my OH and his lot arent!!! That was a fun 9 months of a hidden engagement!!! x

As a result, we take her out most weekends to cinema, nandos, carveries etc just to get her out the house. its nice to see her dont get me wrong, but Chris always and i mean always has to ring her as soon as he walks out of work either at 4.01pm or 8.01pm!! The other night i was meant to pick him up but i ended up with a flat tyre and had to wait at my parents till AA / 24hr Tyre man came out, so i text him at half 7 to let him know i might not be able to pick him up at 8, rang him at 8.02, no answer!! cause he was on the phone to her!
And if he doesnt ring, boy do we get calls/texts to say is Chris ok? Once he finished at 4, we went to do food shop, looked at my phone at 445, i had 2 missed calls and text saying is chris ok he hasnt rung me? Ive said to him this cant happen once we're married and with a family!!

Yeh i was thinking something like that! Giving it to her maybe as an extra Xmas pressi, so doesn't look like Ive randomly given her a load of money! I don't know yet but I think ill probs go for voucher and sales! Its not about how much you spend on your outfit, as long as your there for the big day i get that but seriously, Primani... she'll come in PVC leggings and a union jack dress!!!
Would be interesting, considering she's 58! x

PVC leggings + wedding = disaster! Good luck it sounds like you need it. She sounds really dependent for a 58 year old woman, or insecure either way. Hope she changes once you're married cos you couldnt be doing with that all the time.

She's admitted her life is lonely & boring and same old routine but we try suggesting new things & going new places with her...social clubs she could attend, voluntary work she could do to get out more & meet new people & also gives her the opportunity of not committing etc but she's having none of it! Love her to bits don't get me wrong, I know how hard it can be stuck in by yourself etc but there's only so much all of us can do and can try to help her with!

Her relationship ended etc bk in 2006, had her injury in 2010 but we've tried constantly...even more so more recently! But yeh. Thanks for the tips and advice ladies xx