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Wedding Forum - M-I-L arrrrgghh...

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  1.  
    • DanielleG93
      CommentAuthorDanielleG93
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    hey everyone, just need a rant really any idea/opinions etc will be appreciated.

    Basically my mil is being a pain in the ass! My oh and I have been together 14 years (enagaged for 12yrs) and have finally hit a place in our life where we can afford a wedding (we are paying for everything ourselves) and so have decided to get married in 2017 preferably around july/august. The main issue at the moment is we live in a small village with a small church and would like to get a marquee for afterwards, both of these need rough numbers before i can get a quote/see if everyone can fit in church/book venues etc. We both have large families my mum is one of 7 and his mum is one of 10.

    My mum helped me do her side with a list of aunts/uncles/children etc
    I did my dads side as its small and my dad passed away when i was a child
    Together me and my OH did his dads side (again quite small)

    we are stuck on his mums side, there are so many of them I cant remember half their names, we really don't want to leave any aunts/uncles out so we asked his mum to help write her side down. She immediately started questioning why we were getting married?, whats the point of getting married?, she then went on to say how she shouldn't of got married to OH's dad but she was glad she did, she pointed out OH's sister got married and then problems started and basically trying to change our minds.

    Its been a month now and still no list, we have asked her again which didn't work so I'm currently trying to do it myself.

    it just upsets me that when her daughter got married she was excited and didn't care she had only been with her partner a short amount of time, but now she doesn't want her son to be married to me even though we have been together for years. I thought we had a good relationship (mil and i) now I'm not too sure. I wanted to include her in our wedding and I didn't want her to feel left out but now I'm not too sure. I'm so angry she is holding up the list as its holding up the wedding which means less time to pay for things.

    anyone had anything similar? any thoughts/ideas? am I overreacting?

    Members signature icon
    Mrs Barlow to-be
    2nd September 2017

  2.  
    • StephanieM158
      CommentAuthorStephanieM158
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I figure maybe old feelings are bubbling up. The excitement of a wedding for her daughter will always be different to the excitement of a wedding for their son. Its like grandkids, she will feel closer to her daughters kids than yours. (Bare with me please)
    It will probably feel to her more like its YOUR wedding than your partners, as most women plan things and get their ideas on paper she probably feels a little like an outsider. Perhaps taking her out dress shopping or accesorie hunting will help her feel involved a little.
    Secondly if her daughter is having problems she is probably feeling very protective about her sons feelings. This wont be down to you personally but nerves that things have gone wrong for herself in the past and her daughter and shes probably not doing very well at hiding her nerves.

    Id say take her out for a coffee, sit down with your wedding planning scrap book and have a look over it together. Talk about your memories that you have with your OH and tell her how excited you are at becoming his wife. She probably just needs a little pick me up...

    Im only speaking as a mother myself, I know that i'm a worrier and things like that would play on my mind too.

    (BTW It took for me to have their first grandchild and proof that i'm not a chavvy mother and for his sister to go through a divorce and not have the ability to look after my children before my MIL and FIL saw me fit enough to be part of their family.......)

    Members signature icon
    Met 2004
    Engaged 2014
    Getting Married 2016
  3.  
    • DanielleG93
      CommentAuthorDanielleG93
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    thank you stephanie i understand completely what your saying which is why i wanted to include her, i already said i would love her opinions on everything including dresses etc but its just so hard to get off the starting block with her

    me and OH have always been compared to his sister and whatever partner she has had at the time, when we had our first daughter she said we were too young should be more his sisters age etc 12 years later me and partner still together with 3 children and sister is in a different relationship with 4 kids (not that it is wrong, just pointing out we succeeded in our relationship and as parents but i don't mean it in a nasty way) . it just seems whatever we do isn't ever good enough we should be more like his sister... if that makes any sense haha.

    hopefully it is just her nerves because i would still love it if she was involved and her opinions do really matter to me, maybe thats why i've gotten so upset about her basically telling us not to get married?

    going out with her is a fab idea i will try that again, i've tried in the recent past but she has been so busy helping her daughter out because of her personal marital issues.

    thank you for your reply I won't give up on her just yet

    Members signature icon
    Mrs Barlow to-be
    2nd September 2017

  4.  
    • Mrs T Hurley!
      CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I have had a similar issue with my MIL. Like Stephanie has said, take her to somewhere neutral and take it from there.

    Members signature icon
    Met 18/09/03
    Engaged 06/09/08
    Getting married 05/09/17
  5.  
    • DanielleG93
      CommentAuthorDanielleG93
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thank you, it's nice to know i'm not the only one will definately keep trying with her and a nice meal out or somthing

    Members signature icon
    Mrs Barlow to-be
    2nd September 2017

  6.  
    • StephH96
      CommentAuthorStephH96
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    If it doesn't work out sitting down with her is there someone else you can ask to help with the list, like one of the aunties you may know? At least that way you can start making bookings.
  7.  
    • DanielleG93
      CommentAuthorDanielleG93
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    what a brilliant idea, thank you Steph, I hadn't thought of this as I was convinced mil would want to be a part of it all, he has a couple of aunts which we are relitivly close to

    Members signature icon
    Mrs Barlow to-be
    2nd September 2017

 

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