Ok, so I'll start by explaining that at our wedding we have space for 30 people for our sitdown meal- including myself and Luke. I have like 7people coming for me, so him and his lot make up the other 22. I had to not invite 2 people, and his mum cheered when I said two of my family members were unable to attend- so more of her family would be able to fit- for the first time in our relationship, I wanted to punch her. I mean, how rude is that, I was devastated and said how sad I was and all she could say was thank god, or what would MY family have done. So then Luke and I have also said from the start we were going to invite his uncle and aunt without their children (numbers just wont allow for them) and she knew this all along- but she's arguing the toss saying she'll pay for the kids meals- its not about cost, it's about lack of physical space. Trying to explain this to her is the biggest joke ever, I'm trying to keep calm but can feel a little bridezilla coming out and ready to shout at her that it's just not going to happen. So then I discover that she'd already invited them- knowing we couldn't fit them on the table- and warns Luke that his uncle will decline to come if he doesn't play it her way. Luke finds out through me that she's invited them and we're going nuts, I mean, we're the one's who will look awful here, she's just gotta sit on her heinie and look like the put-out and shocked moo that she's playing. He's feeling guilty cause of what she's said. Also, according to her, (when confronted by Luke) since it's HER brother and only her sister, baby and other half will be attending from HER side of the family, of course she should have more people there. What the BLEEP, cause I wasn't aware it mattered, I thought it was about US and OUR family and guests, not hers. Now, I have two questions- do I even bother, at this late notice to contact wedding organiser or just stick to original plan and politely ask his uncle to arrange something for his kids for the boring part of the day and just have them come for the disco? Or do I squeeze people and make them feel uncomfortable just to please her??
I want to make it clear, these kids are 9 and 11, we're having babies (2 2yr olds) cause they're huge parts of our wedding but these two little girls I've never met and I'm sure are darlings, but I resent having to change what was a joint decision when it makes sense for us.
Also want to add, his mum has sent a text firmly implying that this is my doing and that if I were to meet these girls I'd have no issue with them. I don't, I have an issue with being made to look like the bad person when she's done us wrong knowing our intentions all along!!
Rant over, sorry it was so long lol xxx
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
ooooh dear! if i was you two id call the uncle and explain that youve said from the begining no children and your mil2b had o right to invite without your knowledge and if he wont come so what?! youll have those that matter to you still there... good luck x
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthorlittle_88
edited
Aww Julie hun I feel your pain I did not want children at the main day and if its what u want stick to it you can turn this around ring the uncle and explain and say your sorry that things have got confusing with different information but it's an adult only reception and that you would be (cherry on top) more than happy to have them come to the evening reception yet with it only being 30 due to the venues say so or not ur own there's little you can do and if they can't come just say you understand and invite two more of YOUR friends : D simples.
CommentAuthorJulieW20
Problem is, she's bloody emailing the wedding coordinator and it winds me up, it's MY wedding, she may have found the venue but it's OUR day not hers, she's done her bit now she can back off! I normally get on with her so well but this weekend I could barely speak to her I was so angry! xx
CommentAuthorJulieW20
Thanks Jane. I've just been informed of a problem and would appreciate your help with this, it's a bit delicate but I'd like to ask that you respond only to my emails regarding the Ridley wedding as Kerry seems to be having trouble with our guest list and has invited people we didn't include in our number given of 30. Hypothetically, would it make any of our guests feel uncomfortable if any extra guest were added to our table? I am completely happy for you to say yes, this will solve a bit of an issue, but equally, if extra can fit, it'd be good to know.
Sorry, and thank you for your time
Just sent to coordinator. bloody woman wont get the better of me lol
What!!!!! What on earth is she emailing th wedding coordinator for?? Honestly Hun you gotta put ur foot down and explain that it's unfair on the rest of the family members who have children. Don't let her get to you Hun like I said if the uncle wants to come he will but if he doesn't he doesn't more room for your friends .... I'm sure there's people you want to invite xx
Hun only invite people you want to come to the wedding - its ur day
CommentAuthorKath2010
Just tell the wedding co-ordinator not to do anything she says unless it is cleared with you first.
CommentAuthorLegoWife
Good email, hopefully the coordinator will get back to you with the answer you're hoping for lol
~Wedding made of Lego~
*Married 30/03/13*
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
i agree with kath x
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthorkrissy905
if it was me i would call the uncle myself or get h2b to as its his family and explain that there is physically no room for the children and this is why you wasn't inviting them and they are more then welcome to join in for the disco later. at the end of the day the wedding co-ordaner should do anything your mother in law says as its yours and h2bs wedding so you get finale say and i think maybe you better go all bridezialla on your mother in law to put her in her place xx
CommentAuthorXbox widow
I think most wedding co-ordinators come across interferring mil's and mob's so I think she would check with you first as her contract is with you not your mil and she knows its your day and no one elses. Hope you have a happy conclusion to this hun x
CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
If I was you hun I would tell her fine the kids can come, but numbers are normally there for health and safety reasons, therefore, if the children come she will have to pick two people on her list to get rid of so you are able to accommodate for the children. That way, she has a choice, either tell her brother the kids cant come, or tell 2 of her other guests that they wont be able to attend. Good luck! xxx
Got together 14.02.2008
Got engaged 31.12.2010
Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
CommentAuthorSelinaK
Tell the mil2b that's fine, the kids can come. But explain that as space is so tight she will not be able to attend, they will have to take her space!!! I would then purposefully make decisions without her knowledge, so when she turns upon the day there are lots of surprises, preferably that she doesn't like. But then, I am very petty!!!! Sadly I have similar issues with my mother, so I have had to say quite firmly (red in the face, tears streaming, SCREAM), that if she wants so and so there, if she wants a particular starter, or colour scheme, then she can damn well get married again herself and leave me the hell alone. Made for an uncomfortable weekend, but god did it feel good telling her where to go!!! If she loves her son, she should learn to let him have what will make him happy, and realise that its not her job to interfere.
You only do this once (hopefully), have the day you want and deserve, and anyone who doesn't love you enough to do that can jog on honey xx
CommentAuthorb2bnicola
Ha I love selinas idea! Tell her kids can come but u have 30 spaces so 2 people can't come from her side - which other person (bar her) would she like not to attend!
How dare she go behind ur back like that
I would go with ur h2b 2 his uncles and explain that unf the kids cant come due to numbers and that you both feel so bad that ur having to say this considering his mum invited them knowing that there was no spaces for them. Im sure he would understand.
xx
Happily Married! :) xxx
CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs M
interferring madam! i would tell her to back it in and go all bridezilla on her butt she will then hopefully leave you alone and to crack on
8th September 2012 I married my best friend
1st September 2014 our little family grew by one
Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde
CommentAuthorObsidian_Winter
Personally, I would sit down with your oh and her and the two of you explain what she has done and how wrong of her it was. Ask her to politely explain to these other family members what the situation is. And if she refuses, ask her if she will give up her place and her ohs to accommodate these children. Basically, if she wants them their that badly, then they can come, but she can't. You don't need to actually follow through with it, but it may make her see the situation more clearly.
CommentAuthorClareS
It would be soo easy to go mental at her but sit down with her and your h2b. She needs to be told in very simple terms it's your wedding, you invite the guest. If she's invited anyone else then it's up to her to uninvite them. Not your responsibility. Yeah they might think it's you but send them a letter explaining the situation and I'm sure they'll be fine. If not, what's going to happen? they don't turn up? Like that's really going to put a dampener on your day. Will just mean less people to pay for. I wouldn't even entertain the idea of making a compramise for the cousins you've never met otherwise she'll take that as her winning as one way or another she's got the children there. I would also make it very clear that your and h2b are the ones getting married and all arrangements are to go through you two and to not take any instructions from anyone unless in writing for you personally. x
CommentAuthorLeighS
OMG, I like the idea that she qould have to choose two other people from her side to be left out. If it were me I would explain to the Uncle that the children were not included due to space limit and that is the only reason. Let him know that she has taken over but you regret that she has invited them knowing the space limit. Tell them the venue are in agreement and that as the final numbers were comfirmed you can't change them. If he drops out fill the space with your own family, or even a couple of children from your side. I really dislike interfering busy bodies. Wish you well hun, xxx
CommentAuthorJulieW20
My point to Luke is, it's not her frigging guest list, it's ours. I had an email back from wedding coordinator today, 30 was absolute limit so as petty as I sound, I'm soooo pleased she's not getting her way. I mean hey, I did my best, despite being put on the wire for it. I actually sat laughing reading the email, cheering. I sound awful, I don't NOT want these two little girls there, I just don't appreciate her attitude and sneaking behind our backs. Also told Luke about the my aunt and uncle thing, where she was happy they weren't coming for more space of HER family, he just sat in disbelief- I've never not got along with her and refuse to let it be a big thing now, but as when there were issues with my mum being awkward and I had the task of dealing with her, Luke's gonna have to put his mum back in her place.
Thing is, I keep looking at him thinking damn I'm the luckiest woman in the world... To be marrying your best friend and someone who will support you all the way, I just can't wait til it's all over and we can settle into married life, in peace!
Thanks so much for advice though ladies, got me through a patch where I honestly might have committed a murder lol you don't mess with a couples wedding guest list!!!
Obsidian- I'd love to sit down and thrash it out only we're in London, they're in Norwich and I'm not paying £60 to have an arguement lol :) xx
CommentAuthorObsidian_Winter
Ah, I see. I don't blame you. I which my MIL lived in Norwich :/ lol
CommentAuthorJulieW20
Lmao that bad?xx
CommentAuthorPurple Rose
JulieW20, I lurk and have been following this thread waiting to see how it pans out. FANTASTIC that she wont win! I would be furious at the sneakiness and interferance! What a back-itch! Well done for keeping calm and not sending her poop in the post.
Keep us updated!
x
CommentAuthorObsidian_Winter
I just had a rant about here in the In-Laws! Forum. I won't drag it into your thread though :)
