Was speaking to my in laws tonight and they said they might not be able to afford to come to the wedding, ok there both on benefits, but its there son thats getting married, i know its his 2nd time around my h2b isn't that bothered but i am, i want his family there, any suggestions on how i can remedy this? they would be gratefully received thank you xx
the greatest thing is to love and to be loved in return
CommentAuthorStave
Oh dear :-( Suppose it depends on how much it would reasonably cost to pay for them, if you could offer to help them???? Are there any other brothers and sisters than can chip in????
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
what have they got to pay for ... transport? outfits ?
they live about 10 minutes away form the church and the reception, its more money for the day they need x
the greatest thing is to love and to be loved in return
CommentAuthorStave
Please stop me if I am being rude or inappropriate here. I am assuming by that, you mean food/drink???? 10 mins maybe too far to walk for a wedding. So assuming either public transport or taxi.
In this case I would offer to have a taxi pick them up and drop them off, to and from the Church so that they could at least be there for the important part.
Dont get me wrong, I know things are tight, my Sister is on benefits with a little one and she had similar money concerns about attending the wedding. I am paying for her travel and have told her to put away £5 a month or save her change (we do have 9 months) if she wants "extra" drinks.
I really do hope that it gets sorted for you and for him :-x
CommentAuthorMrsOwen
its more drink they need it for, as there going to be an day buffet and evening buffet, i was that upset last night i couldn't even think straight, im going to talk to my h2b about the transport and picking them up, you wasnt being rude or inappropriate jaesin xx
the greatest thing is to love and to be loved in return
CommentAuthorRhiannonollie
do they have to drink!?
It seems that they are saying We're not bothered to come to the wedding unless we can afford to drink which we cant so we wont be there. If this is their attitude do you really want them there?
I hear that Tap water is free you know!
is soooo happy and lucky
CommentAuthorRhiannonollie
And Jaesin - you say you've told your sister to put £5 a month away over 9 months!! thats £45 Thats a LOT of drink isnt it!?
I wouldnt take more than £30 out with me - Thats max - spending more than that on booze seems mental!!! You can buy a cheap bottle of wine for £5 put your feet up at home and get just as drunk! lol!!!
BUt As for wedding - yeah people want to have fun - but you dont have to have alcohol or spend loads of money to have fun!!!!
is soooo happy and lucky
CommentAuthorStave
My sister isnt even a big drinker and will be looking after her son :-0 now work that one out!!!! So defo £45 is enough for her!
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
I'm going to play devils advocate here. I'm on benefits at the moment and yes it is tight but I can save up for things if I know that I need to go somewhere etc. I'm sure that between now and when you get married they can afford to save up a little money to get themselves a nice outfit from Asda if they have nothing to wear and for a couple of drinks on the evening. I'm assuming you are not charging all your guests for the food etc so that would mean that they have a couple of free meals for that day which they would have to pay for if they sit at home. I really do think that is such a poor excuse and they could at least make the effort to watch you get married at the church if nothing else.
CommentAuthorTrish Goddard
Awww...
Can you not hire a Mini bus to do the running around for them? We have hired a minibuss for all Kevs family as it would cost alot for taxi's to get them to the Reg Office then to the Reception and then home... Its cost us £65 for the hire of the bus, and one of Kevs work mates that doesn't drink anyway, so he has offered to be the driver as our wedding pressent, and he gets to come to the wedding as a good gesture...
As far as Drinks, are you having any wines etc on the tables on included in ya package, that they can just make last??
CommentAuthorRhiannonollie
sorry if I sounded harsh - Someone I know has recently been moaning about not having ANY money at all - and the next thing you know they go and spend over £60 on one night out just on booze!!
It really gets my goat - because you chose - you either dont have money and stay in or you dont have money go out and spend more money you dont have - BUT dont come moaning to me about it! EVER!
I never go out - My h2b thinks going out is a total waste of money I usually buy a cheap bottle of wine (£5) and have that at home - that way you dont have to wear heels that kill your feet, you dont have to shave your legs or spend hours on your hair and make up and you dont end up at the end of the evening wishing you had stayed in with a bottle of wine when you crawl in at 3am with a stinky kebab and most of it down your front! lol!! haha!
Oh those were the days - student days - long gone thank god! haha!
is soooo happy and lucky
CommentAuthorekielty(now Trow)
I think they are silly to say that they cant come because of money! They obviously dont live very far away, free dinner, a party with other family members etc.. Im sure with them being parents of the groom, family members will be buying them drinks anyway, so they wouldnt need that much money!
I really do think they are being silly hun, speak to your h2b tonight about it and see if he can have a chat with them, xxxx
Very very happy as Mrs Erica Trow
I feel like the luckiest girl in the world! xx
CommentAuthorRhiannonollie
I think if you talk to them they will come round to it - Perhaps the reason they dont want to come is because maybe for some reason they feel embarassed that they wont be able to afford lots of drinks.
Maybe they think that people will be expecting them to be buying rounds etc - and they dont want to have to be put in that position.
If this is the case you will need to talk to them and say that they dont need to worry and whats important is that they are there!
is soooo happy and lucky
CommentAuthorMrsOwen
were not charging for food its a buffet for the day and evening, were also not having wine, just spoke to my h2b and were going to go up next week when were off and speak to them, my h2b isnt bothered at all with them might not be coming z
the greatest thing is to love and to be loved in return
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
I think its something that they will regret in future if they don't come. Even more so that it is a silly reason not to come. You don't have to spend that much money when you go to a wedding and I would much rather they come to the day than get a wedding gift or anything like that.
CommentAuthorVicky
Some people what ever you try and no for them will moan its just the way they are.. I am learning that quickly I cant please everyone..
CommentAuthorshellay
i agree with a few others, you dont need much money for drinks at a wedding, as i dont think you need to get drunk, just have a few drinks with the happy couple, and no doubt people will buy them drinks anyway being the grooms parents, we struggle with money but would never dream of not going because of money for drink, we would sit there on a glass of coke if need be all night :) x
I have know my soulmate for 27 years and on the 6th August
I married him and became Mrs Garnham.
It was most definitely the happiest day of my life.
I love married life !!!!
CommentAuthorMrsOwen
i said to my h2b im not bothered if they dont stay all day/night, but i would like them to be there for the ceremony, they've known a year the date we was getting married xx
the greatest thing is to love and to be loved in return
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
It might be an idea to see if there is any other reason that they might not want to come. It may not be about money but they could be scared about not knowing anyone else or being compared to your parents etc. Its amazing what silly ideas could be going on in their head about your wedding.
CommentAuthorRhiannonollie
The last wedding I went to in September - we had a lift in with H2Bs step dad.
Then got a lift home with my friends dad who came to pick her and her Boyfriend up. So we didnt pay for taxis as it would have been expensive (about an hour to get there and an hour back) so we were lucky to be able to get Lifts.
Then as for drinks - They had some free drinks and then a bar - I think I spent £20 max on the whole day!! I wore a dress I actually got for free (I work in Film and TV and sometimes wardrobe gets rid of clothes and I had this Gorgeous Designer dress for free. My mum bought my shoes on sale in Dotty P (£15) and handbag. I bought a cheap fasinator from Claires Accessories and I wore a scarf I already had
H2B was an Usher so got his suit hire for free - and he doesnt really drink so I dont think he spent any money at the bar.
So being a guest at a wedding doesnt need to be expensive - you just need to find ways around it.
me in my free dress on the day
is soooo happy and lucky
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
wow I love the dress and you are so lucky to get it for free.
CommentAuthorMrsOwen
rhiannonollie you looked amazing, xjox you might be right there, there not very sociable people and there older than my parents (even though that means nothing) xx
the greatest thing is to love and to be loved in return
CommentAuthorHayley
Hope you manage to sort this out - I agree with Jo that there might be other reason bugging them. Especially since they've know about the date for a year. If money was that tight they could have been putting a bit bit away every now and again - would have saved enough for a few drinks. You don't need to drink loads and spend loads of money at a wedding to enjoy yourself xx
CommentAuthorRhiannonollie
thank you - It did have a rip in it which is why i didnt have to pay (usually they sell them like at charity shop prices) But luckely H2Bs mum is a dab hand with fixing clothes - so I got her to fix it for me! Its actually a donna Karen dress! :)
DSC01711.JPG
is soooo happy and lucky
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
My MIL is a lovely woman and she always looks amazing but has 0 confidence which is a shame because she really is an amazing woman. We have made sure that some of her friends are coming to make her feel more relaxed on the day as I think it can be a little daunting when you don't know most of the people that are going to be there. My h2b has a small family so it isn't like there are going to be lots of people there she knows. I think the unknown is far more scary so if you sit and explain to them who is going to be there etc it might make them feel a little more at ease.
CommentAuthorRhiannonollie
edited
Jo my mum and MIL are the same - Neither of them have confidence and they are SOOOOO similar except for how they deal with it.
My mum over compensates with this forced fake laugh at everything - its a nervous laughter. And you can tell she feels totally lost. And MIL just turns into a tiny tiny quiet mouse and she becomes almost invisible because she is so quiet!
But I have told them both that they are very very important to me on the day (more important than most except H2B of course) and I wouldnt dream of going through with the wedding without them.
Thats what made me think about maybe your MIL and FIL (Loopylou) just feel a little daunted by the whole thing. Just talk to them and say Its your day and to be honest stuff what everyone else thinks - but they will probably think worse of them if they dont go at all.
is soooo happy and lucky
CommentAuthorMrsOwen
i have a big family but my h2bs family is only small, im going to write all these suggestions down and talk to them, thank you ladies
the greatest thing is to love and to be loved in return
, ok there both on benefits, but its there son thats getting married, i know its his 2nd time around 
