Wedding Forum - Matron of honour stress!...

Hi ladies, apologies in advance I need to rant plus also get some advice.

I am having serious doubts and stress about my moh and it is all getting me really down, to a point I don't want any moh or bridesmaids at all! I thought the reason you pick someone for the important role is that they are trustworthy, someone who'd be there for you, a calming influence and someone who can help you plan your special day...... I don't have many friends my own age (I am 25 in 6 months) but met some lovely people since being with my h2b and one lady in particular was a lady called Kathy, and over time it led me to unofficially ask her to be my moh, however since then it has been a disaster! not only is she only interested when it suits her, she makes me feel like every decision I make is wrong and that her "idea/suggestion" is better, finding dresses is difficult because of her age, she will be 59 this year (older than my mum) so she isn't happy with my choice and has only showed me dresses meant for mother's of the bride which don't fit with a choice I chose for the rest. and now that we are getting closer to the 1 year countdown mark, me and my mum are rowing alot as she is very insecure and feels like I'm putting Kathy before her in decision-making etc and now I am being questioned by my Mil saying she heard Kathy was my bridesmaid but thought they was joking when she was told. I said to my mum that I have had enough of it all and that I want to demote her as my moh but my mum says I can't now it's too late now she already knows and is expecting it, plus I don't want it to affect our friendship (plus I know I will loose my friend jade as my bm, Kath' s granddaughter an her parents are strict an are only letting jade be bm cos of her nan being involved).

So now have no idea what to do as I am unhappy and family and in-laws are making me feel worse ( I am very close to my mum and hate arguing with her and don't want to upset in-laws) :-(
Xx

I agree, explain that theres a change of plan and that you'd love her still to be a part of your wedding but not as MOH. x

Claire88 Wedding planning is meant to be fun not stressful or upsetting you you need to sit your moh down and tell her your demoing her as bridesmaid and you are going to take control "Of Your Wedding" its no on else wedding but yours n your H2B You cannot make everyone Happy its impossible So you know what you need to do take control tell everyone how it is going to be Its " Your Wedding" hope this helps =D ♥ X

I think you need to sit her down for a long chat and explain the reasons you're demoting her. She cant ust go around changing YOUR wedding day to suit her after all. It will be a stress and upset initially but eventually you'll see it's much better to have no bridesmaids than to have a day you don't want as it's someone else's plans (someone who no doubt has had her own shot at her own big day). You'll be more miserable not having mulitple things the way you wanted them cause you let someone boss you around than not having a bridesmaid or two there. It's one thing when ladies on here have their mum's bossing them around but this woman isn't a close relative who you could reason has a warped sense thinking they have a right to interfere like a family member would.

Its going to be difficult but remember - It's for the greater good.

x

Exactly Claire. You don't want to look back on your day with regrets, and if she's any sort of friend, once you explain the reasons she may go in a huff but should eventually understand and come round

First off you didn't unofficially ask her, you either asked her or you didn't so decide which one of those two choices it was.

Secondly stop beating around the bush and tell her straight that you don't think that you both are on the same page and that you would prefer her to do a reading or something instead. Do it ASAP as prolonging it will make it worse.

Thanks Ladies your advice means alot :-)

I'll-be-36 - Please do not comment on my post trying to correct what i have written I DID UNOFFICALLY ask her as i had only made the suggestion I had not confirmed my decision nor sat her down and asked her! & telling me to 'Stop beating arounf the bush & tell her straight' I actually give a damn about people's feelings you know and as mentioned before she is a really close friend.


Ladies I have taken on board your comments and suggested we sit down and discuss the situation I feel after reading your comments that i will probs ask her to be a whitness etc instead, Thank you for helping me to make the right decision, will let you know the outcome xx

Claire, I would just explain to her what your ideas are and that what u have chosen does not fit with what she would like and offer her the opportunity to step down if she cant fit with you. x

I think if u haven't officially asked her Claire then she shouldn't be expecting anything...I think if there's someone else who u think will do the job better then ask them xx