From the beginning, I was in an abusive relationship for nearly 4 years and finally got the courage to walk away, it turns out he was cheating on me and all sorts, it was just hurrendous. A month before me and my ex split up, I was cheating on him with my the guy who is now my partner.. totally wrong I know but it just happened. The guy im with now, is an absolute gentleman and is everything I could have wished for in a man. I was in a couple of thousands pounds worth of debt due to my ex and he paid the entire amount off, which i didnt expect at all. Now, the problem is Mum and Dad, dont approve AT ALL. He is older than I am, but its nothing huge! We are both adults who want to be together and who do love eachother... We have both had shit times and difficulties. Me and my partner have planned to marry in secret in 6 weeks in Scotland, everything is booked and ready. Only 1 person knew of this and this was my best friend as I wanted her to come with me.. Next thing I know.. my mum is going balistic at me down the phone and crying about what is this about me marrying my partner?.. Apparently, my SO CALLED best friend had been talking about the whole thing at her work, in front of my mums friends partner! GREAT.
I just more or less said that nothing will happen but obviously it is! It just feels like im having to do this, i cant seem to be able to do anything around my family and its something they dont agree with they go completely mental!
Thanks for reading.... stressed! x x x
CommentAuthorKatherineR45
that's really wrong of your friend to betray your trust. Haven't really got any advice x
CommentAuthorAmyK
First of all, congratulations on your engagement!! Secondly, I'd say try not to be mad at your friend, it could have been a slip up on their part - not engaging their brain, so don't be harsh on them. Age should have no influence on 'suitability' (except when its not legal!) - my OH is 13 years older & my mum thoroughly approves, but perhaps more so because I'm happy. It'd be worth speaking to your mum & dad - are they still together?? Tell them how happy you are with your fiancee. Ask them whether there were any naysayers when they got wed and did they listen to the negativity? No, clearly not otherwise they wouldn't have got married.
Sounds like you've nothing to be ashamed of, so consider that as you're only doing this once, is running away what you really want? x
CommentAuthorMrsGothBride
Sorry I can't add anything useful either but that is really bad of your friend. Is there no way your parents Will come round and be part of your day?
When we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours
we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying
weirdness and call it love, true love.
5th September 2013
CommentAuthorRachaelH78
I know you're hurt your family don't approve but think how hurt they'd be if you did it in secret? I think you need to seriously speak to them with your partner there as well. They need to realise that age doesn't matter and be thankful you've found a lovely man after the last one was such an idiot! I think you will grow to regret it otherwise xxx
I agree that you should speak to your parents, lay it all down and give them the option to be on your side, but if theyre not to tell them that you're going ahead with the marriage anyway. After finally finding some one who makes you happy, don't let them go for anything. I was in a very similar situation before I found H2B, and luckily my parents have been supportive, but even if they weren't, I've been in a bad place so know how good this is now. I'm sure you feel the same. And regarding your friend, everyone makes mistakes, so yeah let her make it up to you, but this is something that was going to come out anyway, so don't be too harsh on her. So my advice, be honest, but stay true to yourself and your partner. Hope it all goes well for you, and we're all here if you need support xxx
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
I think u should give them the option to come and if they're against it then they're just acting like children really?! Yes ur best mate blabbed but at least it's out there now and they have this choice whether to support u marrying the love of ur life or to be complete twits x
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
CommentAuthorKatya
only thing i will suggest is tell them you will be getting married yes, just dont tell them where until you know they are 100% behind you! i say this as you dont want them to formally object as this means the wedding is cancelled for an investigation into why they object (this has happened in the past where 2 people met completely randomly never introduced eachother to family then at the wedding the father objected as he had had an affair years before and they were actually half brother & sister... hence the reading of banns &/or the notices) obviously im not saying you are in that situation, just simply stating that if someone formally objects either at the wedding or during the notice/bann period the wedding must be postponed until a full investigation has been carried out....
Find out who you are & do it on purpose!
CommentAuthorsarah
edited
I can see why you wanted it to be a secret wedding but now your secret's out I don't think you should try to bury it. If your plan worked out you would still have to tell your mum that you got married, only now you'll have one telling her that he will be your husband. I have a feeling no matter how fraught the conversation will be it would be easier than the one you would have had if you ran away and got married in secret. I think this is a good chance to assert yourself as an adult and to assert the importance and permanence of your relationship with h2b. Your h2b may not be your mum's favorite person, so be it. But perhaps you all can find a way to move forward and accept things as they are. I don't think you should lie to your mum about getting married as there is a big difference between a secret wedding and lying about about it happening.
Good luck with whatever you choose to do
CommentAuthorKimD7
I would like to say it is great you werr able to get out of the 1st reltationship and able to recognise a good one and congratulations on your engagment x
If you still want the wedding with the people you have planned speak to your family and explain this but if deep down your would like your family there be honest and tell them. If they have the choice you will know in your heart you tired.
The big question if what do you both want, forget everyone else right now and think about what it is you want and what sort of memories do you want to have of your wedding day?
As for your friend try to be to angry, she may just be so pleased she had to speak to someone about it or did she have to explain for time off. Speak to her to tell her how hurt you feel, Could it be she feels you may regret "running away"?
I have friends who ran away to get married and actully regret it as they feel it makes people think they had something to hide or be ashamed of but other friends did the same and think it is the best thing they ever did.
This is about your relationship and your day so ultimately it has to be about what you want.
Good luck in whatever you decide xx
CommentAuthorLisaT18
i think you should keep your wedding a total secret. tell your friend that the wedding is off and just you and your partner go to scotland and get married. good luck with the wedding and congrats on your engagment
CommentAuthordisneylove
Keep it a secret my future in laws did when they got married was just the 2 of them that knew and they got strangers 2 be witnesses and they been married for nearly 30 yrs now :) families come around and if they don't it there loss x good luck with everything
together 12/02/2011
engaged 25/12/2011
marryin soulmate 22/03/2014
cant wait :)
CommentAuthorShazk
Im not to sure about keeping it a secret to be honest
I dont think age matters there 13 years between me & h2b and as long as ur happy thats all that matters but do remeber, your mum andd ad are probaobly worried about u because of what you were brave enough to walk away from, your their little girl.
Like been suggested I would actually think is doing it in secret what u really want (u mak think easiest way) but really can they stop you?
I would sit down with tehm and partenr and explain that you are happy, you love each otehr and that you want their blessing, if they can give you that then they are invinted if not then you do it jsut the 2 of you but i think you should tell tehm or it will cause more issues and possibly a huge fall out with parents xxx
Away with the flutterbys xxx
CommentAuthorBobsi
Age doesn't matter when your older. I was with my ex when I was younger, we where both the same age an it was horrible. Now my partner is 9 years older than me and we will have been together 7 years in June.
Maybe your parents dont approve but do they know him well enough? If not then you could maybe could all get together and they could. Also maybe your mum is angry about the secret wedding because she probably always dreamed of being there with you on your big day celebrating with you, helping you plan and now she cant. You could have a big party when you got back and invite everyone and show them you are happy.
X
Got together June 11th 2006
Getting married June 11th 2014
8 years to the day and I'll be Mrs T.
CommentAuthorMrsWright290912
My husband is 14 years older than me. I was 17 and he was 32 when we got together. Now I understand my parents concerns when we first got together and why they reacted the way they did but now they adore him - we have been together for 9 years and married in September 2012.
Talk to your parents about how you feel. They are more than likely being protective of you because of what has happened previously. At the end of the day, it is your life and you make your own decisions. Had I have listened to my parents 9 years ago, I would have left him and I wouldnt be where I am today with a loving husband. But remember, sometimes, they can see things you cant as they are not in your shoes but its the same for you with them.
Your "friend" should not have told anyone if you had asked her to keep it secret but I would not continue the facade any longer and just be open and honest with them otherwise it could do more damage.
Good luck xxx
I really did marry my Mr Wright and we had a nice day for a
Wright wedding!
Mexico for our first anniversary <3
CommentAuthorJillianL47
Age doesn't matter. There's 12 years between my h2b and me and I have friends who also have a big age gap. I agree with the wedding still going ahead. But, you must go with what your heart says.
CommentAuthorGillianE
I also agree that age doesn't matter at all, my ex was 13 years older than me and it didn't make a difference to us. We split up for other reasons.
It's difficult trying to get out of a bad relationship, and finding a new one that your really happy in is now more important. I hope you family come round to the fact that you want to get married. I too think that you should sit down with your family/parents and talk to them about it now it is in the open. hope it goes well
