I chose my 3 bridesmaids as they all meant something to me at different parts of my life! I carefully decided which one would be my maid of honour and the reasons were: - She lives 10minutes down the road (other 2 live 2 hours away as I've just moved here 6mths ago), - She's my h2b's best friend (or least we thought she was), - She knows all the best places to go - and has amazing fashion sense (I have zero.. apparently lol).. but the main thing that helped to decide it is she lives nearby so easy for her to come for appointments with us etc.
I had to go for an appointment yesterday to choose THE dress.. scary time for all us brides and who better to have with me then my mother (who travelled the 2hrs down), my h2bs mother and my maid of honour. BUT, my maid of honour said she'd come 2 times during the week, then the morning of the day she said she couldn't come. I looked into her reasoning and was just confused why that was even an excuse!! She said she got home at 4am and went straight to bed. the appointment wasn't until 2pm so that was 10hrs at least to sleep. She said she was too tired and had work again at 7pm.. which we told her we'd pick her up for the appointment then drop her back home again after but still she said she hadn't got the time at all. So I'm just thinking if it's worth me asking her if she even wants the responsibilities of being a maid of honour or if she wants to just be a bridesmaid or nothing at all?! She's let me down more than once already with looking at dresses and even deciding my hen night which tbh none of her options are what I would personally want to do on my last free night! I told her stuff i would want to do and she said no way and said she'd do something else as it suited her, not me..
Any ideas what I should do, how to ask/tell her, how to deal with it all, really upset me yesterday but I managed to find THE dress with just the help of my mums!
Thanks for listening to my rant and I hope you can help me :)
CommentAuthorShazk
first of all big hugs and YAY congratualtions onf inding the dress!! :)
I think you need to sit down with her and just say to her that you have concerns that she maybe doesnt want to be part in ur special day like you thought she did and that you find her actions very upsetting. It could be that she hadnt realised how important thses things are and that MOH is just a title not actually doing proper stuff, maybe she doesnt know how to tell you that she doesnt want to do it either if she really isnt that bothered to be there for you?!
Its such a hard one but dont feel like you cant take the privalage away from someone many B2B on here have so you wont be 1st xxx
Away with the flutterbys xxx
CommentAuthorJanie
maybe i am a bit harsh but i personally dont have time for people like her. if it were me i would say she is no longer even a bridesmaid. it is YOUR day not hers and your choice for the hen night. She sounds rather rude to me and not very reliable. i am sure someone esle would jump at the chance to stand in
Remember : To the world you may be just one person,
BUT to one person you may just be THE WORLD x x x
CommentAuthorDonda
I think maybe you should tell her she is being demoted to Bridesmaid, and ask one of your own close friends to be MOH, she sounds as if she has not got your interests at heart and if she was a true friend she would go out of her way to help you and make your hen night as special as she can, and she would be there for you when you need her for dress shopping and fittings etc. You need to sit her down and explain that the MOH is an important job, it's your hen night and the whole idea is to give you an evening you'll never forget and do something YOU want to do, not what she wants to do and also if she can't be there to help you with the dress shopping and dress fittings then what the piont of her being MOH. Good Luck xx
Met on 7th April 2008
Got engaged on 14th November 2011
Getting married on 12th December 2012
Looking forward to the rest of my life with the man I love
CommentAuthorJanie
i have to say not ONE of our bm's has done ANYTHING to help with our day, we can barely get an answer from most of them when we are wanting thier opinion on something. if it were just up to me they'd all be out on thier ear
Remember : To the world you may be just one person,
BUT to one person you may just be THE WORLD x x x
Tell her she is demoted as she isn't doing what you need her to do or taking your opinions into consideration. A true friend would go out of her way to make sure that your day (and the lead up to it) is exactly how you want it, even if it isn't what they would personally want to do. I live 3 hours away from my friend who is getting married next year and I am her MOH, and I have travelled a round trip of 6 hours just to go looking at dresses with her. Your MOH doesn't deserve this title so take it from her and give it to someone who does xxx
Got together 14.02.2008
Got engaged 31.12.2010
Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
CommentAuthorZeeMee83
Wow Linzi that's what i call dedication!! I agree with the other ladies, you need someone that's going to be there for you every step of the way xx
CommentAuthorSam
It sounds like she really isn't MOH or bridesmaid material not because of her actions per se but the reasons she was chosen. Being close by and having fashion sense do not make a MOH as you are finding out. I think bridesmaids should be people who have stood by you and people that will continue to stand by you and support your marriage. What do you want from yours?
CommentAuthorLulu1388
Firstly and most importantly, congratulations on finding the dress!! amazing news :)
Secondly, definitely don't think she is worthy of the title? You want someone around if you need them, there if you need advice, someone you can call if your OH won't listen etc etc, not someone making it all about her!! It's your hen, your wedding, your day, not hers!! Yes alot of MOH/BM's plan the hen night as a surprise for the bride, but take her into consideration etc! I also have to agree with samantha, your BM and MOH shouldn't be based on location and fashion sense! They should be the ones who are there for you, excited for you, happy with you, willing and caring enough to help out! xx
Every Once In a While In The Middle of an Ordinary Life
. . . Love Gives Us a Fairytale. . .
CommentAuthorlizzylou
Congrats on finding your dress. Demote her if she can't be bothered! Give her another chance to help with something else and see what happens - if she lets you down - defo demote!!!
x
Lizzy. x
CommentAuthorIzzy_w
I have a friend who isnt even a bridesmaid who is travelling 3 hours to come dress shopping with me... (She is my witness tho!) But as soon as I asked her if she was free, she was on the phone organising it, even though she's got a little 2 year old who isnt in the best health..... My bridesmaids, although I don't see them often, are my oldest friends and in the right place at the right time if I need them. I am only having 2 bridesmaids, and not having a MOH as I didnt want to put one above the other, and its best for them as the responsibility is halved!! I'd demote her if shes not commited to helping you have what you want x
CommentAuthorKristina
I think the best thing to do is sit her down and talk to her about what has happened in the past, and see if you can move on forward. If she is still being like that then tell her straight that you have to reconsider her as MOH.
Met: 1st February 2014
Engaged: 1st June 2014
Getting Married: 31st December 2014
