My best friend and maid of honour at my own wedding a year ago has just got engaged and I am delighted for her. I live in the states while she is at home in the UK so I was even more thrilled when she sent me a card asking me to be her maid of honour. Living so far from home I only make it to the UK twice a year, summer and Christmas as holidays from work and the cost make it harder to come home any more than this. After being asked I got to work straight away on wedding ideas and started thinking about the hen party. I asked the bride if she didn't mind having the hen party in the summer even though the wedding is booked for the end of Dec. She said that was fine so I got in touch with the other bridesmaid who I don't know very well and we started making plans. We all agreed a day/night out was sufficient for a hen party rather than having the added expense of weekends away or trips abroad. Now the bride has told me that she feels summer is too early and 10 days before the wedding which could have been another option is too close to the big day and she would much rather the hen party was in Nov therefore I won't be able to attend. My husband has told me to fly home but I just don't see the point of travelling all that way for one night not to mention the expense for such a short trip.
I'm so upset that I won't be able to be there to enjoy the build up of getting to know the bridesmaids better and meeting other wedding guests. I don't know if I'm being selfish thinking that it's fair if the hen party is when I am home?
I have since felt very left out of any plans and don't feel excited at all like I first did. Do I tell the bride how I feel or keep quiet as it is her day?
Not sure if I'm overreacting but I just know I couldn't have imagined my hen party without my maid of honour there :(
CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
Awww I can understand why you are feeling so low about this. I agree that flying home just for one night is an expensive trip, but I'd certainly look at things with your hubby and see if it is possible. If he has mentioned it already, might be worth a go. Could you stay for a bit longer than the couple of days? Maybe a week or just under? Would that be an option just so you could be there?
Our wedding day - 6 October 2012
CommentAuthorMrsRobson2Be
I agree with what Glitterfairy has posted, another option would be to see if she's willing to have 2 hen do's? The date she wants with everyone & the date that is better for you, for a smaller group get together.
I'm having 2!!
The 1st will be myself, H2B's mum, possibly my mum (she's not 100% she can make it) & my bridesmaids in a lodge with a private hot tub. The 2nd everyone will be invited, at the moment it looks like were going to a boat party at only £22 each inc food. We've been trying to keep costs low so that everyone should be able to afford to come :)
CommentAuthorCindyC54
I'm a teacher and unfortunately we don't get holidays in October. To be honest I just don't think I could justify spending the money anyway. The wedding also isn't in our home town so even when we are home at Christmas it's going to be a lot of travel and hotel costs. As she is my best friend I have planned on making sure she gets a really amazing wedding gift so it's just too much sadly. She has said in the summer we will do something just the 2 of us... But it's really not the same. On top of all that another of the bridesmaids lives in Australia and again comes home every summer and Christmas so it's not just me who won't be present. I think I just can't understand it because when my hen party was planned a few of my friends got in touch to say the date didn't suit or it was too expensive so I eventually spoke to my maid of honour and said I don't mind what we do or where we go I just care about as many people as possible coming to celebrate. It was changed no problem and more people made it which I loved. I will try suggesting another hen party but not got much hope to be honest :(
CommentAuthorWhovianbride
Maybe you could have a shorter visit in the summer? Then a longer one on winter so you will be their for hen, and for the build up?
Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
Could you not suggest doing something just the bridal party just before the wedding when you get home? No need to get completely pie eyed but a day at a spa then dinner and cocktails in the evening, a more intimate time to celebrate together before the big day?
31/12/2017 A New Year, A New Life, A New Husband and Wife
CommentAuthorCindyC54
Yes thank I'm thinking a mini hen is a great compromise :) I will definitely suggest it and see how it goes!
Thank you!
CommentAuthorCharlotteE98
That's a real shame Cindy :o( Hope you get it sorted x
CommentAuthorTeresa
i agree with the mini hen, im sure she would appreciate a nice spa day before the wedding so, she could invite the few people you would like to meet and who she would like to come, im sure she will be up for this, and you get to spend more time with her :)
CommentAuthorInDreamland
That is a real shame but a mini hen is a nice idea. It's not uncommon for a MOH or BM to not make the hen if they live abroad, I know a few who have missed the hen because they live so far away, including my sister's BM which meant I had to organise, plan and arrange the whole thing alone as the MOH.
I'm sure brides understand when their BMs live far away x
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorCamilaL
I love the idea of a mini hen. I'm having one myself :) Just talk to her and suggest it. I would totally understand =)
CommentAuthormichgib
The mini hen is a great idea xx
CommentAuthorJennK
Mini hen is a good idea. And you've done what you can to try and keep her happy, so don't worry too much :)
