So me and h2b are set on our wedding date and have church provisionally booked. But what to do after the ceremony is proving to be really stressful. We have 2 options either have the venue we want, with a small intimate wedding with about 20-30 people followed by wedding breakfast and finishing about 7pm so h2b and I can spend time walking around the grounds, ordering room service or something and having an early night without the big party ( we are not really the partying type. Or have a venue which is still nice but not breathtaking like the first one and have a wedding breakfast for about 50 people followed by evening reception for 100. We feel like a small wedding is what we want but h2b feels like he has to have everyone there and people will complain if they are not invited, personally I'm not bothered about what anyone else thinks as long as it is what we want but h2b can't stop feeling like he is being nasty not inviting them, so his idea is the first option but to then have an informal party for everyone else a few days later, which I feel like is a waste of money and the money we spend on hat could be spent on us or on the people we care about. It is so hard to make a decision as we want it to be perfect, how did you all decide what type of wedding to go for??
CommentAuthorbridalmiss
Do what feels right to you, if a small party is all you want then have it that way - a few years ago I went to a wedding where it was an 11am service, then afterwards they hired out a restaurant where we had a set menu - then as it was a Chinese wedding, it was all over at 3.30pm because most guests had to go and open their takeaways! I was a bit surprised at how short the celebrations were, but it didn't detract from the day, and later that evening I saw the newlyweds in another restaurant with their parents having a family celebration - she had a lovely evening gown on instead of her wedding dress and looked fab! And 8 years on they're still married with a 3 year old so all looks good so far!
CommentAuthorsussie
it has to be what you want. another option is have the small intimate wedding you want, then a couple of weeks later just hire a hall and throw a huge party (sometimes work out cheaper too)
CommentAuthorTeganandRob
Is there a compromise somewhere in the middle so that you both get the day you want? I know how it feels, Rob has a small family and mine is massive, we are only having 20 people to our actual wedding but I've had to have so many awkward conversations with family members so we are having an after party when we get back from Cyprus so everyone who couldn't come to the ceremony can celebrate with us. It doesn't have to cost a fortune if you don't want it to, think village halls, or a picnic party or even just a night out at the pub for everyone.
CommentAuthorFitchMcCombe
We would have loved to have a very intimate wedding, very personal and in a very romantic setting, where for the same kind of budget we could stay all weekend with our closest friends and family! ...but unfortunately my family is huge and pretty close so the numbers just wouldn't work :-/ when I tried cutting out cousins etc I couldn't help but remember being at their weddings, and it just wouldnt feel right without them! You have to judge what feels best for you guys! x
I think you should do whatever your gut instincts are. Don't worry about everyone else. If they are really friends then they will respect your decision and be happy for you, im sure they wiill undertsnad. x
CommentAuthornatalie2614
It has to reflect both of your personalities. Otherwise you wont enjoy it. We had the same problem but money played a big part. We didn't want a wedding breakfast, so were getting married at 4pm, with 50 guests. Then a fish n chip supper for them, with another 150 evening guests coming later at half 7. Evening buffet about half 8-9ish.
Married my best friend 05.04.2013
CommentAuthorsusan1990
you do exactly what you want to do, aslong as your h2b agrees as it is his day aswel. my wedding is only close family and friends for the day and we have 84 comming i come from a very large family lol it wouldnt be right for me not to invite them as i wouldnt be able to decide who not to invite, then at night we have an extra 150 comming and that is just a few more friends and the rest of the family! x
CommentAuthorGazza 122
its yours and H2B's day...not everyone else's, im sure if these other people cared about you, then there would be no complaining and they would understand. Think about it, in a few months after the date, or even in years to come....would you have wished you would have done the small dream venue setting...or cater for the masses because you didnt want to upset anyone - i know what i would do. xx
CommentAuthorDolliDagger
Im having a small intimate wedding with no more than 20 people 15-17 at the moment. But I'm doing everything to do with the wedding on a bigger scale hopefully so its how i want where i want hehe
Best Wishes To You All
CommentAuthorNicholaP44
I think you need 2 do wot u want hun. Obviously its up 2 ur other half 2, I guess its the starters of the compromising u'l have 2 do throughout your lives? If u want 2 do a small ceremony how abouts a bigger reception? x x
Marrying "the 1" on 4th Oct 2013
CommentAuthorLauraJo87
We had a similar problem, so are having a smallish day do for fifty at our ideal venue and a more down to earth night do for a hundred at a local sports club with a band and a buffet...
That said, we do like a good old knees up...
I think having an informal party a few days later is a good compromise, doesn't have to be the typical disco party, does anyone in the family have a big enough house to host a bash? You could maybe do a pot luck supper and bring a bottle to keep costs down, that way guests get to celebrate with you and you don't end up breaking the bank xx
My Beating Heart Belongs To You
30 August 2013
The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
CommentAuthormym72
We had a small wedding of just 19 of us altogether. Both myself and my husband have big extended families - but we decided that we only wanted people who mean the most to us and we see regularly to be at the wedding. In the end we had family only and had a great day. We got married 130 miles from home, in Gretna - and the people we class as closest didn't let us down, and were willing to travel and also stay over (some, like us, for the whole weekend which made it extra special).
CommentAuthorRaggedyAnne
We had a small wedding of 16 people including us two. We got married at 2, then had a wedding breakfast from 4.30, and that finished around 7.30....we put on our invitations that although the celebrations would cease at 8.00, everyone was more than welcome to stay with us in the hotel bar and gardens.....basically it was our way of telling them there was no evening do. Everyone stayed until 11.30.....which was really lovely. We had a small function room, and had an ipod and playlist, and they set out tables and chairs outside on the patio as it was a lovely August summer evening, so the music was playing and we could hear it outside....it was perfect. I enjoyed our small intimate wedding. We are not really party goers....
I can resist anything but temptation
CommentAuthorTori
Think you need to decide what it is that you want and go for that. If you are not bothered about people being there then have the intimate do. I am being pushed into inviting people I do not want there from H2B side and wished we had just had a really intimate do with 20 guests between us x
CommentAuthorLeighS
It's your day. If you want the small wedding then you should go for that. Don't worry about what other's think. I'm sure if the people your H2B is worrying about were to have a wedding and decided that they wanted a small wedding like the one you want and couldn't invite you guys they prob wouldn't be too worried about what people thought as long as they had what they wanted. Go for what you and your H2B want.
