Girls, please help me.... Me and Adrian haven't been getting on since Xmas we have had alot of stress we kept arguing and we have put the wedding back to 2013 as I was getting annoyed about the fact that everytime I mentioned the wedding, he would walk out the room in fury as if it was some sort of disease not be be talked about even though he asked me!
He used to be really affectionate and loving wen we first met now all that has stopped. He is always moaning and moping around and it frustrates me and coz I get frustrated he gets frustrated and it escalates. It's become more like we are lodgers and it's like we are in competition with eachother not love. It is not kind and sweet like it used to be and I don't know why and I don't know how to change it.
Anyway,it got really bad and he left a week ago to stay at his mum and dads whilst they are on holiday and he is still there now due back on Monday. He asked me not to contact him and vice versa to see if things would change an if we would feel different after ten days away from eachother. We have not even texed for 7 days. I've never gone a day without speaking to him since we got together. At first I thought it won't last he will give in but he hasn't. Now I'm concerned that if we can actually last this long without seeing or speaking to echother, are we meant to be together??
I missed him at first but now I am just getting angry and **** off it has made me quite stressed but I'm gona obey his wishes an not contact him until he texes me. Is this right? Shouldn't I be crying over the fact I love and miss him so much? Coz I'm not feelin it. I feel like I deserve better although really he has done nothing majorly wrong. What's gona happen when we see eachother again? He might not have missed me then I will have to start my life over again and find somewhere to live as it's his flat.
All I want is some affection and cuddles and love and happiness. All I'm getting is moan moan moan. Is he my man or am I just being stupid??we have been together 6 years.?help xx
CommentAuthorgem
Sorry about the bit on the en of the message I'm typing this on my iPhone4 and it's copied and pasted it again. It's well hard to write a message that long on this phone! X
CommentAuthorUnknown
i think you 2 really need to talk.
you said you missed him at first so i am guessing you still love him. i can understand why you are getting angry that you havnt spoken to him. i think he needed some some to work out what he wanted as you said you hadnt been getting on well i think he is using this time to give him time to think about what he wants.
I really wish there was something i could say to help you feel better but not sure what to say. I would wait until you see him and see how you feel and then have a long honest chat with him and decide what is best for the future for the 2 of you.
Men seem to think weddings organise themselves...mine was getting so annoyed with me talking about the wedding and it led to arguements aswell and he would always tell me to shut up. i dont think men realsie how stressful it is to plan a wedding.
Hope it all works out...keep us updated! xx
CommentAuthornickymcc
Awww i really dont know what to say but i didnt want to read and run, seems to me that you wont know any of them answers until u actually see him again, i could be wrong but you might just be feeling annoyed now as you havent had contact but as soon as you see each other u might realise that u have missed each other so much and get back to how you were?? i hope things work out for you hunni xx
Finally Mrs Pardoe xx
18th June 2011 xx
CommentAuthorRachie :D
Im assuming that at the mo you are mega angry at him - when he comes home see how you feel sweetie - you may take one look at him and all those feelings come flooding back - you may look at him and think nope :( But you have to do what is right for you and no one else.
Hope you're ok - loads of love xxxxx
9th June 2012 when two worlds collide
The Crazy Cat Lady and the Transformer Man!
To be honest I think it's over between us but we don't wana admit it. I'm feeling so low :(
CommentAuthorstressed to max b2b
oww sorry hunny i dont know what to say to make u feel better, other than maybe stick to whats been argreed or randomly txt and say u love and miss him... IF THATS HOW U FEEL??????
if not see how u act and feel when u do see each other again.
really sorry again i dont know what to say x
met him 25/8/97
he proposed 4/3/98
get married 21/4/12 then i will become mrs johnson
3 beautiful children together
CommentAuthorRachie :D
Sweetie - you need to speak to him regardless I dont think you can leave this until Monday xxxx
9th June 2012 when two worlds collide
The Crazy Cat Lady and the Transformer Man!
CommentAuthorgem
Thanks so much girls. I'll have to wait and see what happens and see how he feels. Thank u. Xxxx
CommentAuthorUnknown
i wouldnt wait till monday. i would phone him and say you think this week apart is ruining your relationship and you need to talk to determine whether this relationship can work xx
CommentAuthorMrs Steph Lapworth
It just sounds to me like you both need a break from each other.
My h2b left me in july last year and went to his mums for a week. It was really hard at first but then it kind of got easier. He came round mid week and things were fine then he came round at the end of the week and we had a huge row which left me in tears then after a couple of days he came back to get the rest of his stuff and admitted he still loved me and still wanted to get married. After hours of talking he said that the wedding had got to much for him which was causing alot of stress.
9 months on and we are both very happy and cant wait till we are married but its made us stronger and we talk all the time about things if the wedding gets to much we have a few days of from talking or arranging it and it works.
I really hope this happens to you and you can both put this behind you. Good luck and let us know what happens xxxx
Love Steph xxx
28th May 2011
Is Now Mrs Lapworth xxx
CommentAuthorgem
The thing is I'm at work tommorow I do 12 hr shifts and by the time I get home he will be at his job on nights so we can't talk to eachother properly face to face. I won't see him monday either coz I have to go to my friends wedding in the evening and have to meet my friend at 12 that day to drive down there and coz it's so far away we are staying over for the night. I will be gone by the time he gets in from work Monday and I am back to work on tuea weds and thur on night shifts so we won't get to properly speak or c eachother until the weekend. Soooooo frustrating!!!!!! Xxx
CommentAuthorgem
I just wana know how he feels. I have no idea how I'm feeling I am just numb and low and feeling kinda nothing right now although I cried for him last night. But I will never tell him that! Lol
CommentAuthorRachie :D
You need to make time - can you not talk to him now?
9th June 2012 when two worlds collide
The Crazy Cat Lady and the Transformer Man!
CommentAuthorSuzie Bear
I think u shud go and get ur man!!!!!! Even in the middle of the night. U'll be tired the next day but gotta be better than the limbo ur in now. x
is Mrs Suzie Bear!!!!
Gotta be pink!!! :0)
I think I blinked and missed our wedding!! lol
CommentAuthorEmsy5000
Personally I think that you need to make the time
big hugs
Dyslexic
its spelt wrong
I No! I Now! I Know!!!!!
I am NOW MRS LONSDALE!!
CommentAuthorgem
Ahh maybe I'm just making excuses but I'm in bed now Alarm is set for 4 45am I've had a horrible day at work and the last thing I wana do is go and talk to him. And plus I don't even know where he is anyway. Also I'm scared that if I give in and talk to him first that means that I am the weaker one and he doesn't love me as much as I thought he did kinda thing? Also what if he said no I can't be with you it's over??? I'd still have to go to work tommorow with a smile on my face and pretend everything is ok? Maybe I'm just scared of what's gona happen.
CommentAuthorRachie :D
Sweetie - massive hugs xxxx
9th June 2012 when two worlds collide
The Crazy Cat Lady and the Transformer Man!
CommentAuthorgem
Plus.... I want him running to me! Not me running to him! Lol
CommentAuthorgem
Raekim84... Thanks so much for the hugs. Im sending u one back. I swear as soon as I get a proper hug I am gona burst in tears :( xxx I am a strong girl I don't often get emotional but I'm a softie
CommentAuthorRachie :D
Im a soft bugger tbh and I really feel for you - Its hard to admit when something is not working. You wouldn't be the weaker person for calling him and saying I dont think this is working or saying I want to fight us - you'd be the stronger as you have had the strength to do the right thing for you both xxxx
9th June 2012 when two worlds collide
The Crazy Cat Lady and the Transformer Man!
CommentAuthorCroc
i feel for you hunni... i was in near enough the exact same place in feb i think it was ... we had 7 days apart... he was away with work.... i had booked to look at houses and was adament , i would be gone before he retunred ... wrote it all down here like you did and it was 2 or 3 ladies that came to my rescue and told me to remember why i was with him and what made me fall for him in the first place.... yes the honey moon phase had gone so affection is in waves... but i hated him i hated the situation we were in we didnt have a love life it was like he was me mate.... on eof the lady suggested i do a pro and con list of why i was with him and why i was marrying him and i was so surprised to see what i wrote down... stuff i didnt realise why i was with him...
we met in a public place over dinner so we couldnt scream and shout and i had sent 1 txt and told him to do a pro and con list ... we met and we discussed and we both realised things needed to change and we came up with the same things that we love about each other and also what had to change ... and were slowly doing it .... and its working... we still have bits were we both say oi thought no more blah and a gentle reminder and back on course... were both as stuborn as each other.... we had actually ended and i said and he said it is over just before he went to the airport and i drove off without a kiss etc
im glad one of the ladies told me to do that as it really worked for about 2 days i sat and thought of every bad point and every good point .... we had been living like mates for about 3 mths before all this ...
i hope you get through this chick i know its not nice for you if you ever need a friendly ear im always here xx
"better a witty fool, than a foolish wit" shakespeare
CommentAuthorsuzky123
hi hun, its a difficult one and I can see your dilema. I think its easier to say what i THINK I would do. I would have left it a few days and bided my time like you have. However, I would now be thinking that maybe he doesnt want to back down and is waiting for me to call him and would be thinking 'well im not doing that as I may be the weaker one' just as you are. However, I think that I also would then call to make sure that the relationship wasnt over. He may be getting annoyed that you havent rung and be feeling that you dont love him. I think that you should go to him NOW as either way you will know and your not exactly in the best of moods to go to work tomo anyways. I dont know but I think esp since you cant see him on Monday and it will be NEXT weekend then something needs doing now. I wouldnt bide my time and risk the relationship being over. You have respected his wishes and given him the space he needs but now is time to act. I really hope you get this sorted and keep us updated and cyber hugs will be at the ready should you need them x
cant wait to be Mrs Evans less than 3 weeks woooo
start weight 10st 1.5 lbs
weight now 8st 4.5 lbs
total loss to date: 24.5 lbs now need to maintain!
CommentAuthorMrsSaraParry!
Poor you :o( It sounds like you need to really think about what you want. Do you really want to be with him or are you still together because its comfortable? My H2B and I went through a dodgy patch last year just after we moved in together and tbh I thought that was it, that we were going to split up. But we sat down and talked about it - our problem was that we'd become too comfortable with each other since we'd moved in, everything had become routine. Where all our time together before had to be quality time as there was so little of it, once we lived together it was just taken for granted. Could your problem be something similar do you think? Are you taking each other for granted a little? Perhaps he wants to marry you but now feels a little trapped knowing that he's made it official by proposing? From what I can gather, thats completely normal!! :o) I really hope it all works out ok for you, and I'm sending you my best wishes xxxxxx
CommentAuthormummy2Olivia_Lisa
ok im gonna sound blunt but put urself in his shoes hunny...............i bet he's sat there thinkin now well she cant care that much cuz she hasnt even tried 2 get in touch, in truth hun if i ever said 2 h2b in an argument leave me alone id want to no that he cared enough 2 ignore my requests, text him just a simple ''thinking of you'' its nothing to heavy and just see what u get bk, those 3 words can make all the difference, have given the same advice 2 many friends male and female in ur position n it makes a difference, u cant carry on like this hun, x x x
6 n a half weeks scan!!!!!! x x x
CommentAuthorClairebear67
Hi, Reading all these threads and really feeling for you hun, but not alot I can say that other ladies have already said, other than to strengthen the message - you must talk to him now - cant wait any longer. Good luck and we are all here for you if you need us. virtual hugs to you xxx
CommentAuthorMaggielou
I agree u need to chat...dare I say it, forget about the wedding for a while...don't discuss it, u guys need to relay the foundations b4 u can build on top. Hope it works out for u x
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
to be honest hun i think you have answered your own question
Iv been thru this I didn't eat th whole time I really thought it was over I made myself ill I know what u mean about goin to work knowing th worst n having to smile it's near impossible I do agree with sending a txt just a simple one like suggested above it's not nagging but if he replies it might be a weight lifted off ur shoulders.
I think men deal with this differently after speaking to his rents his mum especially she didn't even realise th seriousness of him moving back home he hadn't led her to believe that we actually were over maybe ur fella just wanted some time on his own n he's expecting to come back Monday with everything just to talk about and sort thru with each other n bein totally oblivious as to what he's put u thru? Altho it's more torture for u being at work and unable to talk for th rest of th week leaving him at home with all ur things mite make him realise how much more he misses u than him bein in his rents house?
Just think about sending one txt tho
Big hugs Hun x
CommentAuthorbecky -mrs firth
to be fair if u dont miss him after so much time and not bothered its liek la la said u have answered ur eown question . me and h2b went through a rough patch and was unna split and thought we wud but then i went on nites and i had to cum homem in my break cos i was upset and cudnt wait another 7 hours to see him lol we had a cuddle and had a liltte chat then i went back to work heheh thats a taxi ther en back i had to pay 4 lol
Engaged 27th November 2010
Hen Do Newcastle 2nd June 2012
Marrying the man of my dreams 11th August 2012!
Honeymoon To Jamaica 14th October 2012
CommentAuthorKazza
I hope things work out the way you want them to and I am crossing my fingers it all works out well. Good luck, x
CommentAuthorFlossie
I agree with the rest of the girls here......I think you need to know one way or the other.....maybe he needs you to be the bigger person and make the first move. You never know, it may be a case of absence makes the heart grow fonder! Good luck whatever you decide to do, but make sure it's right for you. x
CommentAuthorLiz3yy
I don't have anything to add other than (hugs) and I hope that whatever you decide it's right for you. Go with your gut instinct.
Can't wait until the day I become Mrs. Johnson :)
CommentAuthorYourFirstDanceBride
Best wishes hun I really hope you feel better soon either way. The hardest thing to do its not say 'but its been 6 years' and use that as a reason to stay together as it is about now and the future, it cannot be about the past. If you want to work out and you still love each other then I really hope it does, but if you see him again and decide that he is not what you want for the rest of you life (which will hopefully be a long time yet!) then you have to go with that, no matter how hard it feels. You alone can know what is best for you and I really hope you find out what that is soon, as there is nothing worse than being in limbo.
Be true to yourself and know that there are people who care for you and will support you whatever the outcome.
