Wedding Forum - Its difficult, I know....

Myself and H2B are both divorced. Both previously married in registry offices.
We attend church once a month, had our daughters christened there, a family blessing and sadly funerals. All performed by the same Vicar too.
However, the vicar we need to contact isnt the one we usual meet with and we are finding the way they do it harsh, well not harsh, I know its because of traditions etc.
I know we are divorced, I know we live together, I know we've got a child together, but this time we both know this marriage is right, we want to start it the right way and we both feel that having the ceremony in what we class is our family church is the most important part of the day.
Its really important to me.
Everything seems against us when you look at our past.
We've been in contact with the head vicar for 4 weeks now and they still haven't made a firm decision, even though it would be our vicar that would marry us. The vicar took details of date etc and said that wouldn't be a problem with that though, so we have been mini-planning our wedding.

I guess there isnt much point to my post, I just feel deflated.
I feel we've jumped the gun (though its only my dress/shoes and one bridesmaid dress been paid for so far)

I just need a yes or no. And if its a no I completely understand why but then at least we can accept it and move on to Plan B.

Try not to despair jus yet, perhaps a polite reminder that you are awaiting a reply would help things along, with some lines in your message about how important it is to you to be married there, how much you look forward to marrying in your family church.
It could be that they're busy - run up to Christmas, plus admin related things take time at the best of times.

Keep your chin up xx

I agree with Laura..... Its very easy for a vicar you dont know to turn you down.... I'd speak to your local vicar and see if they can add some weight to your case. Approval of marriage in a church is massively dependent on 1 individual which is wrong - my vicar regularly marries people from outside the parish who have no attachment to the area, let alone the church. He says that he is just there to help people celebrate their marriage the way they want to, and who is he to say no.... I'd say, if it is truely what you want, persevere..... Good luck, I hope you get the outcome you want x

Its a difficult one as I can see this from both sides. When we got married, although we are both members of the church, attend every week, are members of the choir, we were unable to get married there as my husband has been married before. This was the vicars choice and his personal preference on any divorcees, no matter what the circumstances. However, he did let us know immediately so we had no waiting around.

Because of our experience, I would take it as a good sign that there was not an immediate NO and that they are prepared to consider your circumstances. It sounds like you go to a church where there is a team of clergy rather than one church-one vicar. This probably means that they will have to wait until the team meet to discuss your circumstances. However, as you haven't had an immediate no based on your circumstances, it could well be that they just need this meeting to rubber stamp it.

It is a bit naughty that you were not given a time frame as to when you would expect an answer though.

What we did, so that we could incorporate the church ceremony was to get married at the register office and then have a church blessing. Could this be an option for you?

Thats such a shame but understand why. My mum got re-married 3 years ago in the local church but she is heavily involved with the church so helped she knew the vicar very well but it was touch and go as the vicar needed special permission.

A blessing will be nice though !! xxx

Aw no im sorry to hear that hun.
Are you going to try and speak with your own Vicar and take it from there or just go on and do your own thing and have a blessing afterwards? which in itself will be lovely!

xx

Will definitely be phoning our vicar tomorrow, want to exhaust all opinions of the ceremony before we go further.

The church wardens both told us the church had changed and they would never turn anyone away.....got to hold some hope they're right.

Yeah fingers crossed, let us know how you get on xx

Fingers crossed Hun x

I'll be 36, that's how I'm feeling this morning. So I'm hoping when FH rings today that our vicar will want to meet for a chat.
With any luck I'll have a good update for you all by lunch time :) Fingers crossed.

Meeting with our usual vicar this evening :) she wants to have a good chat with us.
That's a good sign surely :)

Yes thats a good sign, good luck and keep us psoted xxx

An update for you all.
Meet with Vicar last night, she is amazingly friendly and understanding. We talked alot but in the end the "head vicar" said no and she can't go against him.
So no actual ceremony in the church but we going for a blessing, it just wouldn't seem right without it.
She said to treat it as our wedding day, have the wedding we want, the difference being a few words put into passed tense (ie, I took you to be my wedded husband, etc)
Means our date changes to 4th of May now.

Thanks for all the support ladies, its been good to be able to talk about it with people who understand.

I think a blessing will be wonderful. It will have almost the same service as a marriage. You could maybe just have a private wedding either the morning of, or even the day before.....
On the plus side.....did you ask if there is a cost? because I thought....(I might be wrong) that a wedding costs hundreds of pounds but a blessing is either much cheaper or free? Like a christening is free....because there is no legalities going on, just christian beliefs etc.....

All of your guests will feel as though they are at a wedding, and the most important thing for you from reading your original post.....is that you get to have the churches blessing on your marriage....
(which confuses me now I think about it.....they are prepared to bless your union but not so much that they will actually marry you)

Anyway, I went to a blessing once, and it was beautiful.....
its customary for you both to walk in together....as you are already man and wife, but this is not always done this way, you can still have whoever it is, walk you down the aisle. The one I went to, the father still walked her down the aisle....
And, if you get married in a register office first in another outfit, you can STILL surprise hubby by arriving in something gorgeous.....full wedding dress and bridesmaids etc...

Really, all you are doing is the legal bit somewhere else......the marriage part. the rest is all for you to do as you like with;

Have a great wedding.......

glad you managed to work something out, the vicar will make the day special for you x

So sorry you didn't get what you wanted but glad you are getting a blessing. I don't agree how people who don't go to church can marry there just because they have never married before but people who do go can't because of their history x x