So, as the title suggests we've been engaged, and planning, for 2.5 years, and I've not yet posted a rant thread, and was feeling quite smug; well, that's about to change!

FMIL is driving me insane. I've had my issues with her (long story I won't get into here, but in short, she is extremely manipulative and sly, and just not someone I will ever trust or ever truly like), and she's bugged me throughout the process, with comments about us not having a religious service (I'm atheist; OH is agnostic; she isn't even religious herself!), about having all his cousins as bridesmaids (I relented and had his youngest, bringing my number of bridesmaids, for a small, 60-guest wedding, to 5...), she wasn't happy with us not inviting children and actually asked us if we'd like her to 'provide some' if it was because we didn't know any; etc.

Then a couple months ago she tells me that OH's great uncle and aunt are vegan. Cue me panicking as previously she'd said they were vegetarian which is obviously completely different. We'd picked all our menu options, so this would have meant switching some of the evening buffet and canape options to cater to them, etc. So, I message his great uncle on Facebook, and nhe says that they're pescatarian; so, nothing LIKE vegan. I honestly think she lied deliberately to worry me/wind me up.

Then there's the guest-list. We're having a small wedding with 60 day guests (inc us) and another 30-ish for the evening. This is partly down to capacity, but also because we wanted a smaller, intimate wedding with people we know well. Now I'll admit, the guest-list is mainly made up of people on 'my side'; however, many of these, while technically 'mine' or my parent's friends, have, over the last 8 years, become mutual friends of both of us ie OH knows them as well as I do. I should also say here that my parents are paying a whopping £20k towards this; FMIL has contributed £400, and doesn't even pay rent, contribute to bills/food etc; OH, his dad and his brother pay for everything; she spends her money on clothes, going out, etc; oh, and she doesn't work, either. Anyway, she keeps trying to invite random people.

Yesterday I was asking her about OH's aunt, and if she has a long-term partner, as we're not giving random plus one's as a matter of choice/principle, unless someone wouldn't know anyone else there (in this case, her brother and mum will be there, and her children are coming to the evening do). She doesn't, but OH's mum says we should give her a plus one anyway. I said then and there that we both didn't want to give random plus ones, and so if she didn't have a long-term partner, the invite would just be to her. I left it at that, and asked for a couple of addresses (that she STILL hasn't given me and I've been asking for 6 months now; I have no way of getting them myself).

She texts me the addresses in the evening, with a message saying how she's messaged the aunt on FB, and asked her who she'd like to bring!! WTF?! I made it VERY clear, and OH ALSO spoke with her and reiterated what I'd said. So, the save-the-date has gone out addressed to her, which SHOULD make it obvious she isn't getting a plus one; but, not everyone is that up on etiquette, so, with the message from OH's mum, she's going to assume she's got one. So, look who has to be the 'bad guy': me. I'm FUMING. To make matters worse, she's also told her that her kids are invited to the day; they are NOT, they are invited to the evening only and she knows this.

Honestly, I want to smack her one right now. I'm so angry, and she is doing it deliberately to wind me up; and what makes matters worse is OH can't see it.

Wow ! Monster in Law !! She sounds very controlling and manipulative.. I suppose there's no real advice to give as you seem to be handling it in the best way that you can without causing a massive kick off..
All I can really suggest, which you've probably thought of, is when the actual invites go out, maybe put a 'Sorry no plus 1's card' and 'Sorry no children' card in with them... Just to 100% make sure your MiL hasn't gotten in anyone else's ears about both things..

I'm sorry but I had to laugh that she offered to 'provide' children.. Haha..

And yes, from the sounds of her, I'd say her outfit will end up having a black seam or buttons or something equally as minuscule xxx

Im now an old cynic where weddings are concerned and I would contact the Aunt and just say that your MIL2B has got the wrong idea and the invite is for her alone. If she doesnt like it, then 1 less person (or 2 with the imaginary +1!) for you to worry about!

We had the whole should we/shouldnt we with +1s and made a rule we would only invite +1s if we knew that +1. We didnt want a room full of strangers.

Stick to your guns on this one gal! x

Ooo that image actually made me shudder !!! Lol..
Or standing on a market stall 'KIDS TO RENT !! KIDS TO RENT !! Small ones, tall ones, cute ones, mischievous ones ! TAKE YOUR PICK!'
Haha !! Seriously that has made my Friday even better haha..

At least your +1 / child issue is just one person I suppose.. You're not going to have 20 people saying 'well she said this and she said that' in your ear !!
Like Nina said, 1 less person to pay for if she doesn't like it ! Xxx

sounds like a nightmare! personally if anyone turned up in white/ivory i think i would not let them in - its inconsiderate! fingers crossed! with regards to plus 1s just make sure the invite is just addressed to her - it would be rude of anyone to turn up with a guest to a wedding without it saying 'and guest' on the invite. they might call you to clarify and then you can explain nicely on the phone rather than making a big deal of it in the first place x

Annoying- theres hints of my MIL2b in your post!! So I completely get where your coming from, and H2B wont do/say anything and will make excuses because hes done it all his life... grrrr

I would 100% get in touch with the Aunt and let he know that youre really looking forward to meeting/seeing her and you are glad she doesnt mind not bringing a friend as you are keepinghe numbers down. Add in that there will be plenty people to mingle with and you really hope she has a good day. Make it sound as if there is no issue at all and that you already think she knows...she would look a bit silly coming back arguing the point then.

And with the outfit choice...its only her who will look silly, its going to be quite clear who the bride is, so let her get on with it, sounds like she enjoys annoying you, so don't let something she is in control of (her outfit) be a problem for you.

But, If she turns up in a wedding dress just lamp her one.

Re the white/ivory thing: the stupid thing is I wouldn't care if anyone else but her wore white/ivory, as I know they wouldn't be doing it on purpose. With her it's just that I KNOW she'd be doing it on purpose, plus, unlike other guests she will obv be on more photos, and I think it will look weird if me, 2 bridesmaids, and her are in ivory/similar; I think it might look like she's the mother of the bride, rather than the mother of the groom (if that makes any sense). I've been clear with her and said it needs to be obviously black and white, and not predominantly white, and if she does pick something that I feel isn't appropriate, I will say so.

Oh and I def won't be giving in on the plus one issue; no way jose! Not happening. The one thing OH and I have been really fussy about is the guest list, and it is the one thing we absolutely will NOT compromise on, at all. I would have no issue giving her a plus one if she wouldn't know anyone; but she will, and so I see zero need to give her one. If she had a partner, fine, even if I hadn't met them; but a random unnamed plus one? Nope!

I'm now sensing a gap in the market. An agency providing cute flower girls and page boys. Hee hee.

Hmmm this is tricky, sorry to hear she's being a pain!

I'm rant free at the mo too.. so it's due soon I guess too based on here!

Most people won't take word of mouth as gospel until they have a bit of paper in their hand inviting specifics to specifics with dates times etc.

Maybe you could explain to OH's aunt that you're tight on numbers, but is she has a partner, she's welcome to bring them but you need to know their name and dietary requirements ASAP (putting her on the spot is likely to stop her having to ask around for a random date). Also be honest and say you're on a tight number due to capacity, so if she's not bringing her partner, then could she let you now ASAP too as you need to make sure you're meeting your minimum for the contract as well as make sure you don't go too over due to venue capacity... she'll understand!

We too are not inviting random plus ones. If they have a named other half of more than 2 months at the time of save the dates and they're still with them come the time we send out invites, they will be invited. The only exception are his under 18 cousins whose plus ones won't be invited as they have all their cousins and family members there and we're trying to cut down on numbers as we have a staggering 120+ - with only about 10 being the nice to haves and the rest the "MUST HAVE OR YOU WILL CAUSE WWIII TO HAPPEN!".

Getting addresses is a nightmare from them all don't you find?

Wow - I think Monster In Law may be an understatement! Xxx

I wouldn't even bother mentioning the wedding to her or expecting anything off her she sounds really spiteful and jealous x

I agree with Fern, the less you tell this woman about your life/wedding the better! All this information is just fueling her fire.