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  1.  
    • barbie86
      CommentAuthorbarbie86
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    So, as the title suggests we've been engaged, and planning, for 2.5 years, and I've not yet posted a rant thread, and was feeling quite smug; well, that's about to change!

    FMIL is driving me insane. I've had my issues with her (long story I won't get into here, but in short, she is extremely manipulative and sly, and just not someone I will ever trust or ever truly like), and she's bugged me throughout the process, with comments about us not having a religious service (I'm atheist; OH is agnostic; she isn't even religious herself!), about having all his cousins as bridesmaids (I relented and had his youngest, bringing my number of bridesmaids, for a small, 60-guest wedding, to 5...), she wasn't happy with us not inviting children and actually asked us if we'd like her to 'provide some' if it was because we didn't know any; etc.

    Then a couple months ago she tells me that OH's great uncle and aunt are vegan. Cue me panicking as previously she'd said they were vegetarian which is obviously completely different. We'd picked all our menu options, so this would have meant switching some of the evening buffet and canape options to cater to them, etc. So, I message his great uncle on Facebook, and nhe says that they're pescatarian; so, nothing LIKE vegan. I honestly think she lied deliberately to worry me/wind me up.

    Then there's the guest-list. We're having a small wedding with 60 day guests (inc us) and another 30-ish for the evening. This is partly down to capacity, but also because we wanted a smaller, intimate wedding with people we know well. Now I'll admit, the guest-list is mainly made up of people on 'my side'; however, many of these, while technically 'mine' or my parent's friends, have, over the last 8 years, become mutual friends of both of us ie OH knows them as well as I do. I should also say here that my parents are paying a whopping £20k towards this; FMIL has contributed £400, and doesn't even pay rent, contribute to bills/food etc; OH, his dad and his brother pay for everything; she spends her money on clothes, going out, etc; oh, and she doesn't work, either. Anyway, she keeps trying to invite random people.

    Yesterday I was asking her about OH's aunt, and if she has a long-term partner, as we're not giving random plus one's as a matter of choice/principle, unless someone wouldn't know anyone else there (in this case, her brother and mum will be there, and her children are coming to the evening do). She doesn't, but OH's mum says we should give her a plus one anyway. I said then and there that we both didn't want to give random plus ones, and so if she didn't have a long-term partner, the invite would just be to her. I left it at that, and asked for a couple of addresses (that she STILL hasn't given me and I've been asking for 6 months now; I have no way of getting them myself).

    She texts me the addresses in the evening, with a message saying how she's messaged the aunt on FB, and asked her who she'd like to bring!! WTF?! I made it VERY clear, and OH ALSO spoke with her and reiterated what I'd said. So, the save-the-date has gone out addressed to her, which SHOULD make it obvious she isn't getting a plus one; but, not everyone is that up on etiquette, so, with the message from OH's mum, she's going to assume she's got one. So, look who has to be the 'bad guy': me. I'm FUMING. To make matters worse, she's also told her that her kids are invited to the day; they are NOT, they are invited to the evening only and she knows this.

    Honestly, I want to smack her one right now. I'm so angry, and she is doing it deliberately to wind me up; and what makes matters worse is OH can't see it.
  2.  
    • barbie86
      CommentAuthorbarbie86
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Oh, and one more thing: my mum has now got her outfit so I let FMIL know what colour it was as they don't want to match; I also said I'd prefer it if she didn't wear emerald green (bridemsaid's colour) or ivory (me and two bridesmaids). She then said she's thinking about wearing black and white, and asked if that was OK, and I said yeah, absolutely, as long as it's black and white ie not predominantly white with a hint of black. I also offered to go shopping with her as she doesn't have any friends/female family members she could go with, and she said she'd prefer to go alone.

    Now call me crazy, but why is it I have a sneaking suspicion that she's going to come back with a white/ivory outfit with like a strip of black? I could be completely wrong, but can TOTALLY see her doing that...
  3.  
    • MrsH-2B
      CommentAuthorMrsH-2B
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Wow ! Monster in Law !! She sounds very controlling and manipulative.. I suppose there's no real advice to give as you seem to be handling it in the best way that you can without causing a massive kick off..
    All I can really suggest, which you've probably thought of, is when the actual invites go out, maybe put a 'Sorry no plus 1's card' and 'Sorry no children' card in with them... Just to 100% make sure your MiL hasn't gotten in anyone else's ears about both things..

    I'm sorry but I had to laugh that she offered to 'provide' children.. Haha..

    And yes, from the sounds of her, I'd say her outfit will end up having a black seam or buttons or something equally as minuscule xxx

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    I can't wait to become his Wife :-) 4th July 2015
  4.  
    • barbie86
      CommentAuthorbarbie86
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thankfully the only people with children are on my side/are OH's friends, and they all know already, and the only plus-one issue we've had is with his aunt (everyone else is either in a relationship, or, if they're single, are our friends and again know that we're not giving plus one's (plus they wouldn't want one). That is the ONE saving grace; however, I can see her making things as difficult as possible wherever she can ie with the aunt.

    Re the whole providing kids: she actually said: "Are you not inviting children because you don't want them there, or because you don't know any? Because if it's that you don't know any, I can find some for you to invite". I found that SO weird, esp as she doesn't even know anyone with small children! I started getting images of her running some creepy 'rent a cute kid for your wedding photos' service or something lol. However, my guess is that she was hoping I'd say 'we don't want them there' so she could attack me... :-s

    Lovely lady!
  5.  
    • MrsWright290912
      CommentAuthorMrsWright290912
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
      edited
     
    Im now an old cynic where weddings are concerned and I would contact the Aunt and just say that your MIL2B has got the wrong idea and the invite is for her alone. If she doesnt like it, then 1 less person (or 2 with the imaginary +1!) for you to worry about!

    We had the whole should we/shouldnt we with +1s and made a rule we would only invite +1s if we knew that +1. We didnt want a room full of strangers.

    Stick to your guns on this one gal! x

    Members signature icon
    I really did marry my Mr Wright and we had a nice day for a
    Wright wedding!
    Mexico for our first anniversary
  6.  
    • ~Beauty&TheBeast2Be~
      CommentAuthor~Beauty&TheBeast2Be~
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Could you not get in touch with the Aunt via Facebook, even if you're not friends you can still email. Explain it as a misunderstanding, and you asked your FMIL to ask if she'd like to bring a current partner, not just anyone due to numbers and budget, but you was more than happy to invite partners, and laugh it off as wedding nerves if it came out wrong in her explanation to the FMIL.

    Puts you back in good books, plus you're playing her at her own game (Y)

    As for her on the day, ignore her. Do your thank yous, and run over hers so quickly, really rub it in.
    By then you'll be Mr & Mrs and there's nothing she can do about it.

    And if she spoils your day. Slap her! :D

    Members signature icon
    *..Embrace Your Dreams..*
    ~We're All Mad Here~

  7.  
    • MrsH-2B
      CommentAuthorMrsH-2B
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Ooo that image actually made me shudder !!! Lol..
    Or standing on a market stall 'KIDS TO RENT !! KIDS TO RENT !! Small ones, tall ones, cute ones, mischievous ones ! TAKE YOUR PICK!'
    Haha !! Seriously that has made my Friday even better haha..

    At least your +1 / child issue is just one person I suppose.. You're not going to have 20 people saying 'well she said this and she said that' in your ear !!
    Like Nina said, 1 less person to pay for if she doesn't like it ! Xxx

    Members signature icon


    I can't wait to become his Wife :-) 4th July 2015
  8.  
    • StephHsoon2bBodkin
      CommentAuthorStephHsoon2bBodkin
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    OMG! How frustrating is that woman.. Best thing i would advise is stick to your guns, Its yours and H2B. When doing the invited don't put plus one. I'm inviting people we know. If i don't know their plus 1 then they wont be coming. I agree with the other comment about having a room full of strangers is something you don't want.. Stick to your guns on this one hun. Me personally would say if you wear white you will not be coming in. Make sure the ushers are aware. Or tell her straight. I'm very blunt with my mum as she annoys me when it comes to the wedding. You do what makes you happy, this is both your day xx

    Members signature icon
    Found the man of my dreams
    Getting Married on the 13th June 2015

  9.  
    • BeckyU98
      CommentAuthorBeckyU98
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    sounds like a nightmare! personally if anyone turned up in white/ivory i think i would not let them in - its inconsiderate! fingers crossed! with regards to plus 1s just make sure the invite is just addressed to her - it would be rude of anyone to turn up with a guest to a wedding without it saying 'and guest' on the invite. they might call you to clarify and then you can explain nicely on the phone rather than making a big deal of it in the first place x
  10.  
    • barbie86
      CommentAuthorbarbie86
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thanks guys! I've been in touch with her on Facebook to get her address (as FMIL has been infuriatingly uncooperative and not given me any, so I took it into my own hands where possible), so I'm going to speak to OH tonight and try to find out exactly what FMIL said before messaging her; she really is very cunning/sly, so I could imagine her lying about what she said to a) make me worry/annoy me and b) make me send a message that would then cause confusion. I want to tread carefully here and not make myself look stupid; so will see what OH says and go from there, and I may get OH to message her instead seeing as it's HIS aunt, not mine...

    Another saving grace is we're giving guests food and drink options, and these will be on the RSVP cards, with tick boxes, and the guest's names alongside; so, hopefully it will be obvious at that point even if FMIL has decided to meddle some more by then...

    I could really do without this though. And what irks me the most is that I'm giving her what she wants; I really want it to not get to me, but with something as big as a wedding, and with the space constraints (if we don't give her a plus one we can invite two friends we've gotten really close to to the whole day instead of just the evening), it's something I HAVE to iron out; and she knows that.

    Hate is a strong word, but I'm not a happy barbie right now >-(
  11.  
    • Danni13
      CommentAuthorDanni13
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Annoying- theres hints of my MIL2b in your post!! So I completely get where your coming from, and H2B wont do/say anything and will make excuses because hes done it all his life... grrrr

    I would 100% get in touch with the Aunt and let he know that youre really looking forward to meeting/seeing her and you are glad she doesnt mind not bringing a friend as you are keepinghe numbers down. Add in that there will be plenty people to mingle with and you really hope she has a good day. Make it sound as if there is no issue at all and that you already think she knows...she would look a bit silly coming back arguing the point then.

    And with the outfit choice...its only her who will look silly, its going to be quite clear who the bride is, so let her get on with it, sounds like she enjoys annoying you, so don't let something she is in control of (her outfit) be a problem for you.

    But, If she turns up in a wedding dress just lamp her one.
  12.  
    • MrsWright290912
      CommentAuthorMrsWright290912
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Barbie - That one my one sanity saver with the RSVP cards inside with each attendees name on and a card each for menu choices. That way, I knew that if I had sent an invite to one person, they knew it was for them alone and not their uncle bob too!

    Members signature icon
    I really did marry my Mr Wright and we had a nice day for a
    Wright wedding!
    Mexico for our first anniversary
  13.  
    • barbie86
      CommentAuthorbarbie86
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Re the white/ivory thing: the stupid thing is I wouldn't care if anyone else but her wore white/ivory, as I know they wouldn't be doing it on purpose. With her it's just that I KNOW she'd be doing it on purpose, plus, unlike other guests she will obv be on more photos, and I think it will look weird if me, 2 bridesmaids, and her are in ivory/similar; I think it might look like she's the mother of the bride, rather than the mother of the groom (if that makes any sense). I've been clear with her and said it needs to be obviously black and white, and not predominantly white, and if she does pick something that I feel isn't appropriate, I will say so.

    Oh and I def won't be giving in on the plus one issue; no way jose! Not happening. The one thing OH and I have been really fussy about is the guest list, and it is the one thing we absolutely will NOT compromise on, at all. I would have no issue giving her a plus one if she wouldn't know anyone; but she will, and so I see zero need to give her one. If she had a partner, fine, even if I hadn't met them; but a random unnamed plus one? Nope!
  14.  
    • barbie86
      CommentAuthorbarbie86
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    "But, If she turns up in a wedding dress just lamp her one."

    Danni, that actually made me laugh out loud!
  15.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I'm now sensing a gap in the market. An agency providing cute flower girls and page boys. Hee hee.

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    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  16.  
    • Whovianbride
      CommentAuthorWhovianbride
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    My fmil os also trying to push us into putting random plus ones! We refuse as we do not want snyone there we do not know! Its our day and if we have never met them its a big no! Im hoping to fet all the adressess in the next couple weeks from fsil when we all go in holiday to cornwall! (Kill me now) so will not have to beg for addresses nearer the time!

    Members signature icon
    Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
    together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
    August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
    Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
  17.  
    • ValentinaK
      CommentAuthorValentinaK
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Hmmm this is tricky, sorry to hear she's being a pain!

    I'm rant free at the mo too.. so it's due soon I guess too based on here!

    Most people won't take word of mouth as gospel until they have a bit of paper in their hand inviting specifics to specifics with dates times etc.

    Maybe you could explain to OH's aunt that you're tight on numbers, but is she has a partner, she's welcome to bring them but you need to know their name and dietary requirements ASAP (putting her on the spot is likely to stop her having to ask around for a random date). Also be honest and say you're on a tight number due to capacity, so if she's not bringing her partner, then could she let you now ASAP too as you need to make sure you're meeting your minimum for the contract as well as make sure you don't go too over due to venue capacity... she'll understand!

    We too are not inviting random plus ones. If they have a named other half of more than 2 months at the time of save the dates and they're still with them come the time we send out invites, they will be invited. The only exception are his under 18 cousins whose plus ones won't be invited as they have all their cousins and family members there and we're trying to cut down on numbers as we have a staggering 120+ - with only about 10 being the nice to haves and the rest the "MUST HAVE OR YOU WILL CAUSE WWIII TO HAPPEN!".

    Getting addresses is a nightmare from them all don't you find?

    Members signature icon
    And we lived happily ever after!


  18.  
    • MrsThomson2B
      CommentAuthorMrsThomson2B
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Maybe message the Aunt and just say that you hope she is not offend when her invite arrives that you are only inviting her tothe wedding as you have restrctions due to venue capacity. This means you don't need to mention to her that mil2b is trying to be sneaky and the aunt can tell you if she was told she could have a plus 1 and bring her kids too. If your mil2b has said that then the aunt will probably make you aware that it has been said xx
  19.  
    • Becky1608
      CommentAuthorBecky1608
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Wow - I think Monster In Law may be an understatement! Xxx

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  20.  
    • barbie86
      CommentAuthorbarbie86
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Just thought I'd post an update: in short, I'll be surprised if I'm still speaking to her by the wedding...

    OH is planning on moving in with me and my family in November, so that we can save more money for when we move out; she has been making snide comments and attempting to emotionally blackmail him into staying, and it's doing my head in.

    OH went through her Facebook messages and she hadn't messaged his aunt; so, basically, she made it up, presumably just like she did their whole relatives-being-vegan thing in an attempt to wind me up/stress me out.

    She then asked me and OH to do his dad's CV: OH works 40 hours a week, I work 18 hours a week plus study for 40 hours a week. She volunteers for 8 hours a week... Umm, yeah, OK...

    Then the final straw was on Friday last week; I mentioned that we were hoping to book our honeymoon soon, hoping she might offer to contribute as she'd always said she would. She responded with 'Oh, great. Are your parents paying?'. I am FUMING. My parents are paying around £20k towards this; no, they are NOT paying for the honeymoon. The fact she would even suggest that made my blood boil, especially given that she has way more disposable income than they do given she pays ZERO towards rent, bills or food; ALL her benefits are spent on her. I'm doubly angry/upset because we're having to stretch the budget beyond what we wanted to to get our dream honeymoon; at the risk of sounding like a spoilt princess, if she contributed £500, which she could easily afford (bearing in mind we'll have been engaged for 3.5 years and she brings in £700 a month; more than I do and I actually WORK) we wouldn't need to stretch ourselves.

    I'm so angry right now. She is so selfish it's unreal.

    Anyway, she literally has one more chance: if she does ONE more thing to try and annoy me, then frankly, she's not welcome at the wedding. And luckily OH supports me on that.
  21.  
    • FernP61
      CommentAuthorFernP61
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I wouldn't even bother mentioning the wedding to her or expecting anything off her she sounds really spiteful and jealous x
  22.  
    • barbie86
      CommentAuthorbarbie86
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Fern: basically, I'm going to distance myself from her and just try to avoid her, and if she texts/messages me with anything about the wedding I'll politely ask her to speak to OH.

    As far as a financial contribution goes: at this stage, I don't want her to give us a penny more than she is already. I think she'll use it as another way of causing trouble; if that means scrimping and saving, or going without saving for 2 months, so be it. I'd rather not have the hassle TBH.

    Words cannot express how much I hate her right now though... I actually just want her to do something else so I can un-invite her from the wedding...
  23.  
    • sarah
      CommentAuthorsarah
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I agree with Fern, the less you tell this woman about your life/wedding the better! All this information is just fueling her fire.




  24.  
    • barbie86
      CommentAuthorbarbie86
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    sarah: I agree. I honestly want as little to do with her as possible, so as far as I'm concerned, OH can deal with her, and I'll wash my hands of her as much as possible.
  25.  

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