I've suddenly become extremely frightened of making the commitment of spending the rest of my life with Ross and I'm not sure why. Since I went back to work things have become very strained between us - to cut a long story short I'm using my wage to pay for everything in the house while he uses his wage to clear his debts. I'm starting to become really resentful towards him, I'm struggling to sort the finances out and he doesn't seem to appreciate the responsibility and wife and 2 kids brings. He then whinges about me being at work all the time because he misses me and it's taken me all my strength not to rip his head off and tell him we're only in this mess because of him. Then I wonder if having a MIL that hates me is something I can cope with for at least the next 25/30 years, she's never going to stfu and she's always going to harp on that I'm not good enough for her little boy........she's a bit like background noise at the moment but I'm constantly sat on the edge of my seat wondering what the hell is coming next. Then there's my mum who keeps telling me I'm a stunningly beautiful, strong, intelligent woman and I need Ross like a fish needs a bicycle, that so many men would kill to be with me and she's petrified that I'm just settling because I think I'm getting passed it (I love my mum but she doesn't help!!) Silly things like trying my dress on the other day and despite starving myself and exercising like a loon I'm STILL too big around my waist and my b oobs seem to have shrunk - basically I looked in the mirror and cried, I felt hideous and disgusting in it, all my efforts seem to have gone for nothing.
I've got to the point where I don't know if I want to get married anymore. I love Ross with all my heart and soul but I'm not convinced I'm ready for this :( xxx
It's right what they say
"The course of true love never runs smoothly"
But if it had been easy then we wouldn't love each other as
much as we do right now - 1 week to go :D
CommentAuthorKayteeG
Oh hun, sorry you're having a rubbish time of it. I think it's quite normal to be feeling worried/unsure of the future when you're planning a wedding though. And as for the MIL part of it, I can sympathise - mine puts a lot of strain on me (and therefore our relationship) and I know it sounds awful, but if me & H2B ever split up, I'm sure it will be because of her because they are ridiculously close! I hope you feel a bit more positive soon, and try not to bottle things up, as this always makes things worse xxx
CommentAuthorPrincess Sarahbelle
I dont know what to say chick i just hope everythingworks out for you big hugs xx
Im now Sarah Marie Ashton
CommentAuthorStave
(((((((HUGS)))))))
CommentAuthorLisa Ramos
No wonder your confused! You've got a heck of alot on your plate and something needs to give. I would start by telling Ross, exactly how you feel - if you don't it's likely to come out in a massive argument.
Hugs is there light at the end of the tunnel with the debts and stuff. do you know how much longer it will take to pay of this stuff. maybe you should sit down together and work it out so you can see how long you will have to live with both your incomes being stretched by debt. you defo need to talk to him about how he is making you feel maybe you should go to couples counseling so you can do it in a productive way
Dyslexic
its spelt wrong
I No! I Now! I Know!!!!!
I am NOW MRS LONSDALE!!
CommentAuthorRhiannonollie
Does he work? You said he doesnt like you working because he misses you? or did I read it wrong.
Remember - You dont have to cancel the wedding - its not like youre making the decision to wed or not to! You can always postpone till you feel that you are 100% ready.
is soooo happy and lucky
CommentAuthorKerrylou
I think I'm going to have to sit and talk to him about how I'm feeling. I think half my problem is I never really saw myself doing the whole marriage/settled family life thing and since we got to the 100 day mark it's really hit me like a brick that this is real and it's happening and it's going to be the rest of my life, a part of me got stuck in planning this wonderful day and becoming someone's wife and sort of 'forgot' that it's actually about marriage and not a day in a fancy frock (of course I didn't forget that was what it's about but I got a bit lost in the romanticism of planning a wedding)
Yes he works but I'm the assistant manager of a pub so my working hours are long and erratic, spend more time here than I do at home these days, then when I am at home he's doing all his business admin while I'm looking after the kids. Thought about postponing but after knowing him for 16 years and having kids together I know in my heart of hearts that if I'm not ready now then I never will be xxx
It's right what they say
"The course of true love never runs smoothly"
But if it had been easy then we wouldn't love each other as
much as we do right now - 1 week to go :D
CommentAuthorlinzi
hun I think this is just wedding jitters.......
when it comes to Ross, I think you are getting there with him. He is a lot better than he used to be isnt he? i remember us talking about our H2B's last year about their lack of housework duties! And after the last talk you had with him, it has got better?
The MIL - well after you are married I am sure she will accept you and although she may never like you, or you like her, I am sure a truce would be called at some point.
And the dress? well you still have 3 months, and you could EASILY lose a stone or even 2 in that time if you set your mind to it. I have recently joined slimming world as i have put on so much weight since i bought my dress, and it was a little tight then!
you know what its like when you feel unsure about H2B. Once you sit down and talk it all out, the very next day seems so much brighter!
chin up hun..I'd say if you still feel the same in a few weeks after having a good chat with him, then think about it again. But at the mo i think its just severe cold feet! xxx
I don’t repeat gossip so listen very carefully!!
Started Slimming World - 23/03/2011 - 2 Stone to lose!
Total Loss = 1 stone 7 lbs.
As at 23/11 - 3 days before the wedding.
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
I agree that they are wedding jitters as you end it with I love him. You would love him if you got married or not and you wouldn't have these feelings if you hadn't got the pressure of getting married over you. The wedding won't change anything so don't be scared. He loves you to want to spend time with you so although at the moment it is winding you up because you are stressed it is a good thing.
Chill out a bit, relax and I'm sure you will be fine. Its very easy to question things when you so stressd out and calling it off seems like the easiest thing to do but I'm sure deep down it isn't the best thing to do.
CommentAuthorNishaVyas88
Have you spoken to him about all the financial stuff? Perhaps sitting down calmly and explaining to him how you feel will lift the burden a little.
As for the MIL, at the end of the day your h2b chose you and you chose him. If you love each other nothing else matters, especially what other people think. If she's just white noise now, chances are she'll stay that way as long as you don't let it get to you. She clearly has no influence over how he feels about you, so just leave her to the childish thrashing.
CommentAuthorRachie :D
Kerry all I can say is remember why you forgave him - remember why you fell in love with him in the first place.
You've been in a worse position then this sweetie
Massive love and hugs to you and those beautiful babies xxx
9th June 2012 when two worlds collide
The Crazy Cat Lady and the Transformer Man!
CommentAuthorKerrylou
Linzi, Jo, Rachel - Thank you! I'm so glad there's still a few of the UKB "old school" knocking around to remind me that we've overcome everything thus far and I'm still here!! Yes, severe cold feet - at this rate I'll be getting hypothermia :D Yes, been in MUCH worse places than this - we're still together which is more than a lot of couples would be. I *should* be ok
Massive hugs xxx
It's right what they say
"The course of true love never runs smoothly"
But if it had been easy then we wouldn't love each other as
much as we do right now - 1 week to go :D
CommentAuthorAttention seeker :)
ohhhhh kerry i know this feeling to bloody well im still feeling like this with just a few days to go. I hope you sort it out hunni i really do
im not seeking attetion i just like everyone looking at me
im married
im now Mrs Dove
no more wedding planning LOL yer right
CommentAuthorKerrylou
We don't half go through it eh Sonia - we MUST love the daft beggars xxx
It's right what they say
"The course of true love never runs smoothly"
But if it had been easy then we wouldn't love each other as
much as we do right now - 1 week to go :D
CommentAuthorAttention seeker :)
all i hae thought about for days is running away and hiding untill after the wedding lol
everytime i thnk about saying i do i feel sick. I love graham with every part of me but i just dont know if i want to be 'married' OHHHHH it so hard he would be so hurt if i did pull out but im praying i can get over it lol I so hope you dont feel this when you get this close it totaly ruins the run up and enjoyment you should have
im not seeking attetion i just like everyone looking at me
im married
im now Mrs Dove
no more wedding planning LOL yer right
CommentAuthorButterflyDreamer
Hey hun,
Definately sounds like wedding jitters babe, You guys have been through so much and come through stronger at the other end, You always will because you love each other and thats what love is all about :D
Hope everything works out for you sweetie xx
CommentAuthorAli
Have a feeling that all us brides that are getting married in August are having the same feelings, maybe it is just nerves.
I've just started a thread asking if marriage is what i truely want and your h2b sounds just like mine in respect of that you and i are both trying to save money and make a better life for us yet they don't realise this and think money grows on trees.
Like you i wasn't that fussed with marriage, all my life i've said its a band of gold and a piece of paper - you melt the gold and burn the paper. But now i can see the appeal (sometimes) then other times i'm getting scared that like you, thinking i might be settling for second best because i'm comfortable with him and don't want to be on my own, but then other times i look at him and think i can't wait to grow old with him.
I'm sure that both of us are just suffering from the jitters and that everything will right itself, but having these thoughts in my head is very unnerving.
Big hugs hun x x x
Happy to be Mrs Holt, love my husband and love the memories
of our wedding day
