Wedding Forum - Is this normal? ............I hope not!...

Hi All

My dad last week mentioned inviting my sisters MIL and FIL to the wedding! When I asked why he said it's because they are now family ......................ummmmm, they're my sisters family! Me and my mum cannot stand my BIL's mother. She's inappropriate and just not our sort of person and I admit, I told my parents that they can invite any friends they like (I know that it won't be many as most are family friends who I know anyway and have done for years as I was growing up) but I have to say I didn't bank on my sisters PIL's being invited. I don't mind her FIL so much, he's ok actually but BIL's mother .........well the day before the wedding I wanted to tear her hair out and scratch her eyes out after she sat there stuffing her fat face with biscuits and drinking tea whilst we were working hard to dress the venue for the wedding the next day and she had the nerve to tell me that I should be getting married ...........that was only the second time I'd ever met her for about an hour and H2B and I weren't engaged at the time.

The day of the wedding she behaved as if sh was the one getting married and annoyed my sister (and me) then she actually did this ...........my mum introduced her to my uncle (a very close family friend), he and my mum grew up together in Malaysia so knew eachother as children and ended up both training together in this country. So, when introduced, my sisters MIL says to my mum "oh, so he's your ex-boyfriend!" ..........she said this in front of my aunt (my uncles wife) and their two grown up children! My mum was livid ............that woman is so inappropriate and quite frankly has no social etiquette, she just doesn't have it, I can't stand her, mum can't stand her but my dad who is so laid back thinks it'll be a great idea to invite sisters MIL and FIL to my wedding!

Is inviting your sibling's in law's to your wedding usual and the done thing? What does social etiquette dictate in these situations? Being Chinese, family is really important and my dad is saying they should be invited because they are now family. H2B would rather they aren't invited (I think more because he know's I can't stand my BIL's mum).

x

At the end of the day it's your wedding, if you and h2b don't want them there then don't. We asked our parents if there was anyone they wanted inviting that we didn't already have on the list but they didn't add anyone. If they did they would have to get the final ok by us. At the end of the day we're paying for the wedding ourselves, we're only having people there that mean something to us and quite frankly some family have behaved appallingly therefore we've got more friends than family coming :) x

Nah, dont invite them! I wouldnt invite my brothers family in law. I hardly know them. My sister wants me to invite this intensley annoying woman who she has been friends with for years. I dont want her there and Ive said no a million times but with 11 days to the wedding she is STILL going on about it. She better not invite her...

Anyways, honestly its your day and you shouldnt have to have people there that you dont like! (unless they're a blood relation lol). Just tell them the list is full, thats what Id do.

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Definately dont ask her hun, its your wedding day and you should only have people you like there :-) I know thats not always that simple but definately in this case. They arent close enough family to be regarded as a "must invite". Ive got a few of these people coming but Ive refused to invite my cousins because I dont have enough money to have their 40 smelly noisey kids there too lol

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The Chinese are the same as the asian weddings ........our wedding is tiny compared to all the family weddings in Malaysia we go to where they tend to have 300-500 guests depending on the social standing of the family (my late uncle was an MP and business man so my cousin had a huge wedding and another cousin married someone who was the daughter of a local politician and had very senior officials at their wedding so another massive one), both time my cousins said they barely knew half the people at their wedding. So for my family inviting everyone and anyone is kinda normal but for me and of course H2B who is from over here, having an average wedding of 100 and only having people you want there to share the day is important.

Nice to hear others have the same views as me xx

weve invited my sisters mil cos its to help bil with the boy. also since her hubby died she has felt a bit lonely so were hoping to encourage her to come out and join in. shes nice but she does have her weirdness streak and she gets invited to everything we do now so she does feel like part of the family. xxx

ohh i would not invite them.... iv never heard of this, hope its not some trodition tho, i wont be doing it x its a day for your loved once to bethere and congrats n celelabrate with you not family of family to come along aswell x

sounds like someone i know.....!! x

yeah i underdstand where they are coming from when you put it like that i never saw it that way somone in your pics who no longer is part of it great way for me to narrow my guest list down!! xx

I wouldnt invite them if it was me personaly x

If she upsets you that much, and you would'nt of even posted this if she did'nt, then I think you know the answer to this one. You dont want or need her there so dont have her. Its your day not your dads so do whats right for you.

I'm in the same boat as you, my mum mentioned something about my sisters in laws coming to my wedding and I said I wouldn't be happy about that as I haven't seen them in over 10 years and I know my sister and bil can't relax and enjoy themselves as much when they are around. Don't get me wrong, they are nice people and I have nothing against them but I would rather have people at my wedding that h2b and I know. So my mum mentioned them coming again when my sister was there and I told her that I didn't want to miss out on 2 of my friends coming to make room for them and my sister told me that I have to invite them now because she has already told them that they are invited. How rude!!! Nobody is "invited" until I send out the invitations. I've told her that she'll have to tell them that they are not invited and that she had no right to tell them that they are invited to OUR wedding without consulting me first. I am standing my ground on this one and I'm not going to feel at all bad when the invites go out and they are not on the list because I have made it clear on 2 seperate occasions that I don't want them there and I can't be clearer than that. My h2b wants to invite all the lads from his work, men that he has been to war with and as far as I'm concerned they are more important than a couple we don't even know.

I've got worked up all over again just typing this out so I know exactly how you feel. Stand your ground, this woman sounds like a bit of a moron anyway, I'm sure your dad will eventually give in.

Its your choice honey.... we are having my SIL's family to our evening do as friends of the family but not too the main do xx

Yep, honey it's your choice who you invite and if you don't get on with these people you shouldn't have to include them in your day. What does your sister think about this?

I'm not inviting my sister's in-laws; although they're genuinely wonderful people and I like them very much, I've only met them a handful of times x

So I mentioned this to my sister today, whispered it to her at lunch and told her dad was thinking of inviting her MIL and FIL to my wedding ..................my sister just pulled a face and practically begged me not to ........................she's not happy with her MIL, she's not got a great opinion of her MIL so certainly does not want her at my wedding lol. So that'll be my dad on his own on this one.
:D
xx