Wedding Forum - is this normal

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General wedding discussion!: is this normal

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- CommentAuthorkrazykitty
I have been reading some other peoples threads and this doesnt seem normal now.
It seems like ry doesnt trust me he is always going throough my phone and i know i have nothing to hide and i should hope he knows i have nothing to hide and i dont know if he is curious or whether he actually doesnt trust me. I have asked him about it but i dont get an answer at all he completely avoids it or ignores it. I know he has been cheated on before but he knows i wont cheat im not like that never have been and never will be but he gets ultra suspicious!! I found a phone from years and years ago and because he read some messages the wrong way he assumed i had cheated on my ex and wouldnt speak to me for days he even woke me up in the middle of the night questioning me about it all and didnt even apologise to me afterwards and now im getting worried cos if he dont trust me how can we get married?? i do sometimes have an issue with trust but i trust him completely! And i wouold never go through his phone!!

plus i know it will sound silly but i was looking for some photos on his computer as my laptop isnt working and i found a lot of porn pics which really upset me am i being silly about this??? I wouldnt have minded so much but there were no other pics except these porn ones (tho found them later on another drive) no pics of me either!!! Am i being silly????

sorry for the long post i seem to keep doing these lol

i cannot wait to marry my best friend
i love you ry!!!
engaged midnight 2009
Mrs Ryan Sheader (to be) lol :D
- CommentAuthorKerrylou
hmmmmmmmmmm

I have to say, I have been cheated on in the past but I have never once gone through Ross' phone and nor would I. He goes out on an evening to do estimates and a fair amount of the time in in houses on his own with women. He gets business texts/phone calls at mad times like 7am Sunday. What I'm saying is he has opportunity and his phone activity could appear very suspiscious ESPECIALLY because I've been cheated on.
You either trust someone or you don't and if you DO trust someone you don't start rifling through old phones or text messages or voicemails. I can understand where your H2B is coming from but it sounds like he has massive trust issues :(

What you'd written about the pics on his computer is starred out but I assume you mean naughty pictures?? I would be annoyed too, especially if they were the only pictures on the computer.

I think you guys need to sit and have a good long talk about the trust thing, marriage has 4 cornerstones - love, trust, honesty and loyalty - if one of those components is missing then you don't stand much of a chance.
xxx

It's right what they say
"The course of true love never runs smoothly"
But if it had been easy then we wouldn't love each other as
much as we do right now - 1 week to go :D
- CommentAuthorkrazykitty
ta hun i think i will have a chat with him tho now might not be right time he went out for a drink n to meet his mum from darts haha tho he always busy lol hmmm i might be just over reacting to the pics thing as he has been messing around with the computer and fixing stuff etc but yeah thank you for the advice xx

i cannot wait to marry my best friend
i love you ry!!!
engaged midnight 2009
Mrs Ryan Sheader (to be) lol :D
- CommentAuthorKerrylou
I hope you guys can get it sorted out. The sad thing is that when you've been cheated on it's very hard to trust whoever you end up with, it's not because he thinks you ARE cheating but if one woman has done it to him then you must be capable of doing the same thing, basically we all get tarred with the same brush :( It's a defence mechanism, if he fears the worst then he can protect himself but the reality is eventually it will only drive you away.
It's only because I know Ross as well as I do (we've known each other 16 years this year and we've always been besties) that I'm not a paranoid freak plus the lad is that cr@p at lying he knows I'd know instantly if there was anything amiss.

Let me know how you get on. Keep smiling :)
xxx

It's right what they say
"The course of true love never runs smoothly"
But if it had been easy then we wouldn't love each other as
much as we do right now - 1 week to go :D
- CommentAuthorkrazykitty
the silly thing is he knows if im lying s i cant do it well i always giggle haha still he still asleep lazy boy lol i think im just being silly i know there nothing wrong and i know he knows i wont cheat so if it takes him reading all my messages then il just have to plan his suprises in other forms haha maybe i should talk to him maybe i shouldnt he doesnt ask me where iv been o who ive been out with or anything i think maybe he just being nosey??? as for the naughty pics i dont care anymore lol if he wants to see other women naked then as long as it only pics and he comes back to me at end of day thats fine!! lol he can window shop but not buy!! i trust him so yeah!!

maybe i will chat about the phone thing one day but today doesnt seem right to be honest!! have been upset by too many things today to look like im picking a fight over something thats un important!!he loves me i know it so yeah ta tho ladies xxx

i cannot wait to marry my best friend
i love you ry!!!
engaged midnight 2009
Mrs Ryan Sheader (to be) lol :D

- CommentAuthorKimi
I can read my h2b's txts and he can read mine, we've nothing to hide so no issues. I like rooting through his phone cos some of his mates send some daft jokes. If he told me not to I wouldn't do it. I grab his phone in front of him and tell him I'm nosing so it's ok. Plus he adds games on and I get to try them out first, haha.

The days are flying by, can't wait :)
- CommentAuthorRhiannonollie
going through your phone and stuff is not on really.
you should also tell your H2B that he needs to trust you and looking through your phone isnt going to do him any good. Doesnt he know that if you were cheating you would most likely delete any evidence!? so he wouldnt find anything on there anyway!

When you fall in love you need to fall in love completely, otherwise why bother, he needs to trust you and enjoy himself as he will only have himself to blame when he realises he's spent most of your relationship being paranoid instead of being in love!!

Oh and as for the naughty pics - every man looks at them. It means nothing!! as you say as long as its look and dont touch then its totally fine.

I dont think anyone can say 100% that they havent for one second fantasised about someone else. Hell yeah I think about what it would be like if Ryan Reynolds walked in right now and grabbed me with those lush arms of his!! hmmmm

but i also know that if he actually did walk in I wouldnt do anything, because I love my man!

Its the same thing with boys looking at dirty pics. Fantasies are healthy, and are a much better way of experimenting than reality!!

is soooo happy and lucky
- CommentAuthorlinzi
has this just started since you got engaged? if it has, its maybe cause is a little scared of making the ultimate committement, and is getting "self destruct" thoughts? Kinda like he is trying to make extra sure before he commits, but letting it take over him a bit.
I know this cause i got a bit like that when we got engaged, but thankfully I got through that stage quickly. With me it wasnt about cheating though, it was about his lack of doing bloody housework!
I would have a chat with him, but hopefully he will get through it quickly too.

as for the naughty stuff on the comp, wow me and H2B have had some dinger of rows about that! So now he says he doesnt do it, but I know he still does with the private browsing. I even checked to see what he was browsing using in-private, and yet, naughty stuff! what so long as its not all over the laptop, what i dont know dont hurt me right? he is a bloke and thats what blokes do.

I don’t repeat gossip so listen very carefully!!
Started Slimming World - 23/03/2011 - 2 Stone to lose!
Total Loss = 1 stone 7 lbs.
As at 23/11 - 3 days before the wedding.
- CommentAuthorkrazykitty
looking back he has always done it really and i spose nearly 3 years in is a bit late to lay ground rules haha still i know it probs me being paranoid about him not trusting me lol and yeah true if i had owt to hide then i would delete straight away haha but i dont and i wouldnt do that anyways i spose its just that i ahve been a very private person and although i share everything with him (too much sometimes he says) maybe i just see it as more than it is?? Maybe he is being nosey?? Will chat with him and see tho i am a bit of a wuss at stuff like that haha x

i cannot wait to marry my best friend
i love you ry!!!
engaged midnight 2009
Mrs Ryan Sheader (to be) lol :D