Im getting married in the year 2016 and after telling my family and sending out save the date cards, my sister has now told me her and her fiance are going to get married as soon as possible. She says shes having a small cheap wedding costing 1,000 with 25 guests at reg.office and then more to ''the after doo'' at our parents house. My parents have told me to leave her to it because in the end it wont happen as they can never save up money but I feel as it feels like a competition to her. Its not a competition to me and I dont intend it to be but shes just recently given birth to a baby boy and during talking about my wedding plans she turned to me and said ''Well i got a baby first''. I was puzzled and shocked why she would say something like that as I choose not to have a child until I am married and me and my fiance have been together 10 years and shes been with her fiance 2 years.
I dont know how to react when she talks to me about her plans to marry. She says it should be the summer next year. I dont understand her need into rushing it. With my wedding costing us roughly 11,000, its going to take 2 years to get the money sorted. Should I just go along with it or tell her how I feel? Thanks for any advice you can give.
CommentAuthorFranM76
I would probably just go with it. It might be that they want to get married as soon as possible now they have a child? At the end of the day, it isn't going to steal your thunder even if that's her intention - it's at a completely different time to yours and sounds like it's going to be a completely different sort of day. You concentrate on yours hun, be happy and supportive of your sister too - maybe you can have lots of sisterly wedding planning meets? Try and make it a positive :-) xx
CommentAuthorChezzy
Thank you :) yeah maybe planning together might help. Can get excited about our big day together. I guess im going to have to grin and bear it haha Thanks :) x
CommentAuthorElizabethF49
Im in a similar situation my little sister got engaged exactly a month after us (Her fiancé had ben planning it for months and If Im honest I knew he was going to propose to her during their holiday so it wasn't exactly a surprise) They have been a couple for two years come June ive been with my fiancé for 8 and a half years My sister is the extravagant one where as im more reserved she will get married 8 months after us though, But everything we talk about for my wedding ends up her talking about her wedding For example last night we were out to look at tiaras and veils in my dress shop I took her my best friend and my mum to see the dress as only my sister has seen the dress on me. My friend said to my sister 'that's just your dress to sort out' meaning her BM dress for my wedding but my sister turned it round to her wedding dress. Some people would let this annoy them but its just the way my sister is so it doesn't get to me.
We will spend approx. £16k on our wedding without honeymoon and my sis will spend £25k including honeymoon no one knows how much each wedding will cost but a few people have said mine will be low key in comparison to my sisters but the truth be told I have not held back on my wedding day and will spend what we can afford.
What im trying to say is don't let it get to you you have your day and your sister will have her day. Mine and my sisters wedding have so similarities but they will both be unique in their own way. Just think that once your sisters wedding is over with its the count down to yours.
After 7 years and 11 months he proposed to me 18.10.13
Our son is 5 years old and our world
Getting married 15.08.15.
Life hasnt been easy but we have each other :)
CommentAuthorkittyh
haha theres two of these posts now and i wrote pretty much the same as you on the other one FranM! :)
It does sound by that comment she made that she is trying to rival her sibling. I would just try and be the better person, ignore it, rise above it and do your own thing. I wouldn't indulge her, just congratulate her
CommentAuthorChezzy
Sorry I didn't realize the post i had hoped would go through facebook would show up on here aswell. Newbie as you can see haha I will delete the other if I can figure out how.
Thank you for all your comments its helped me in realizing what i already knew. I should be happy for her but I forgot to mention one big problem, isn't wedding related so chose not to add it but hoping with your knowledge you can help. Her fiance has a major past which made us instantly tell her to stay away from him but she chose to ignore us and after talking online to him through a dating website met him a week after and 1 week later moved out of her uni flat and chose to live with him and his parents 4 hour journey away then they announce they are engaged a week after and trying for a baby. Now not only was all that very quick but by him telling her straight away about his past made her think hes honest and she trusted him before even really knowing him. Hes been married twice and has 4 children. Two of them are in care and the other two are with his ex wife. Hes been in prison and that was for having sex with a 15 year old and he was 20 years old. Apparently the girl said he raped her but his story is he was in a relationship with her and it was consent. So that makes him on the sex offender register and he isn't allowed anywhere near schools or parks. My sister has a medical problem which made getting pregnant more difficult and at a higher risk of miscarriages and thats why she wanted to have a child as soon as she could. She went through the whole process of talking to his probation officer and social services to make sure if they were to have a child that he wouldnt be taken away from them. As his offence is with a teenager they found no risk to him but do regular checks to their house to make sure he wont re-offend.
It was questioned whether he would be able to be at my wedding because there will be children/teenagers there but my sister has told me he has nothing to do with probation come June 2016. 1 month before my wedding. Though he will be on the sex offender register for life. So now she plans to marry him. We really didn't want her to have a child with him but the way my sister is if you tell her no she will do it even more and once shes dug her heels in she really goes for what she wants. We have kept the peace and included him in family events etc but only for my sisters sake. We dont want any arguments to split the family apart but I feel if she does marry this man he will think hes got more rights to the child. I dont trust him. If he's not allowed to see his other 4 children then im sure he will do anything to not loose this one.
Help!
CommentAuthorFranM76
Oh no that's an awful story!! Unfortunately there's not a great deal you can do (IMO) because as you've said, you tell your sister to do one thing and she'll do the opposite. If there's one thing I've learned is that you have to make your own choices, your own mistakes - nobody can make them for you. Just be there for her. I realise it's a scary situation that a family member is involved with someone like that but I think the more you try and persuade her, the closer she will get to him. Do you think the marriage might be to prove a point to everyone!? It's a very sad situation and I'm sure you feal helpless. Just be there for her is my advice xxx
CommentAuthorMrsH
As blunt and as awful as this may sound- I see it all the time in my job. If he's got 4 children to 2 previous marriages, what is there to say that your sister is going to be the last given his past relatoinsihps. It might be something and nothing. You need to be supportive of your sister because she may find herself a single mum one day and needing her family aorund her.
I'm sorry if that sounds awful and I really don't want to offend but it may happen!
CommentAuthorChezzy
Oh no that hasn't offended me as i agree completely. He also cheated on one of his wife's so i wouldn't but anything past him. I've always been suspicious of him. So should I just agree with her and accept she could possibly marry him (if they can get the funds sorted) or should I say something. I'm dying to say something to her. But then she could turn around and say I'm never seeing my nephew again. Only 6 months ago we had to travel to where they were living and move them here where all her family are. I think it's because she was pregnant and was scared doing it alone without her family. They now live 10min walk away and have moved here so he can have a fresh start as everyone knew of his past and wanted no trouble. Technically me and my family can not tell anyone because he has the law on his side. They say how can any offender ever get back to norm if everyone judges them. My sister told some of her friends about him and now have fallen out with her and are no longer in contact. So unless they spill the beans no one knows and she doesnt need to prove a point to anyone because in her eyes we are all fine with him.
So as you can see getting married before I do isnt the problem but how they are going about it. I do feel a slight jealousy about her getting married before me but i know everyone will remember my big day hehe
CommentAuthorElizabethF49
Im sorry if I rock the boat but this is only my opinion.
I believe people can change and until he hurts her walks away or what ever you should just support her in her decisions. As for the sentence I believe there is two sides to every story and a 15 year old can make themselves look older etc and lie about their age etc so they can have an older boyfriend etc. HOWEVER if he did know her age and still slept with her knowing that its statuary rape and it doesn't matter If she consented or not.
I try not to judge a book by its cover however it is not my sister in this situation and if it were I may see things differently.
Ultimately if you want to stay friends with your sister you need to put up with this man. He could change and by moving away from were it happened could be the first step in his rehabilitation. You could speak to he rin a non judgemental way and make sure she feels she is doing the right thing but also make sure she knows you are there for her no matter what happens
After 7 years and 11 months he proposed to me 18.10.13
Our son is 5 years old and our world
Getting married 15.08.15.
Life hasnt been easy but we have each other :)
CommentAuthorJoeD80
Isn't there some one like this in every wedding!?!?
me and my htb had been together 3 years when he proposed om my 21st birthday. Then Christmas that year his brother propsed to his gf. It annoys me as they were together for 5 years then seperated for 2 years and then proposed after only 6 months back together. We announced we were to marry in 2016 suddenly they were to marry in 2015 in ahuge castle. She is having 10 bridesmaids 4 flower girls and everything has to me mega wow.
i am in no rush and will have what i want how i want it. Wether that means lavage and expensive or charity shop bargains! All ibwant to be is a happy bride. :)
CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
Hi chezzy I'm also getting married in 2016. Have you sent your save the dates out already? I want to send mine out now but everyone keeps saying why send them now when you've got 2 years to go :( x
Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016
CommentAuthorCharlieBe-Cool
I know exactly how you feel! My sister is well known for following suit. We announced our engagement in June last year and me and hubby said "give it a couple of weeks and she'll be getting married too". Low and behold, I find out, from FBook of all places not directly from her, that she's booked "the church and wedding car". Turns out she had decided they were getting married weeks before; after having listened to all my ideas, colour schemes etc and nicking them all! She's now having a 'small' do in church followed by pub, which is fine I'm looking forward to it, what annoys me most is that she's used all my ideas for hers, and now I'm having to change things for mine, like my mum asked if I wanted some of deceased nans jewellery, I took some lovely pearls and said they would be my something old on wedding day. Find out my sister also took some pearls (older, more yellowey ones) to wear on her day! That and she's having purple as her colours which was our original colours, having EXACT same menu choices we had chosen and she's booked it 2 weeks after her 30th, so no doubt it will be a 'joint birthday celebration', which is why we booked ours for next year. Ive had to make sure not to say anything to her or my mum about our wedding until hers is over.
Anyway, more to the point, her and her partner have a volatile relationship and drink WAY too much. In fact, my mum said last week the wedding has been off and on several times in the last few weeks! He has 3 boys from a previous relationship who have their own issues thanks to their dad's behaviour, and my sister has 2 boys, who unfortunately witness many of their arguments. They shouldnt be getting married, in my opinion, but what can you do? She'll have to learn the hard way. Or maybe they will surprise me, finally grow up and have a long lasting marriage, who knows. But she's been engaged many times before, and last time got within 4 months of the wedding before cancelling and running off with her now hubby, whereas ive been with my OH for 12 years. Sometimes I think I shouldnt give her such a hard time as she's a completely different person to me, but some of her choices stun me. She's only able to go ahead with it as our parents are footing the bill. End of the day, I love my sister, and while her actions upset and frustrate me, I cant stop her making her own decisions and marrying an unsuitable man!
Met my prince charming - May 2002
Finally tying the knot - July 2015
Where there is love there is life - Muhatma Ghandi
