Is it just me or is whenever someone talks about Marriage and they're like "for the rest of your life" everything else zones out and suddenly those 6 little words echo around your head?
Dont get me wrong, I love my Fiance i practically begged him daily for 3 years to propose and when he did 6 months ago, it wasn't the moment id been dreaming about. Is this my expectations? Am i crazy? We've been together almost 5 years and plan to get married next year. But it's like the most 'romantic' thing he did was propose and its like he won the race and gave up. My Bday was 2 months after he got down on one knee and he forgot my card. There have been no gestures since and i just feel like im getting lost in this big cloud of weddingness. I've even thought about just running away, but I really do love him, I cant do that. Lately though, he's lost all motivation. He's self employed and his work has been little lately and whenever i prompt him with fresh ideas he'll wholeheartedly agree they're great, but he's too lazy to act on them. Im paying 90% of the bills, including the compulsory season ticket and none of my own money is for me anymore. it's not like we have kids to pay for, we can afford to be selfish if we have the cash but i haven't had a splurge in ages. I was made redundant and promptly ensured i got a new job asap but he doesn't have that mindset. Its like im the breadwinner and he's just sinking away. He lacks ambition and its quickly becoming unattractive. He's not the man i agreed to marry anymore but it breaks my heart to feel like i need to leave.
What do I do?
Sorry to go on, but its a delicate matter and i just dont feel like i can talk to anyone i know about it :(
x
CommentAuthorLauraJo87
Hmm, it sounds like you need to tell him how you are feeling.
Put the wedding stuff to one side for a bit, and try and put the spark back into your relationship. It sounds like now the rings on your finger he's taking you for granted. Maybe he's a bit depressed about the job situation and has lost his self confidence and is stuck in a bit of a rut?
Xx
My Beating Heart Belongs To You
30 August 2013
The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
CommentAuthorGeeMarie
Hiya hun,
I'm so sorry to hear you feel this way. I don't have a wealth of experience, but I guess the obvious thing to say is try talking to him about it. It won't be an easy conversation by any stretch of the imagination, but if you feel as desperate as that then he needs to hear about it before it's too late. The first thing to do is get straight in your head exactly what the problems are and how you think they can be resolved. Write it down- just me, but I'm a sucker for a list, and seeing it on paper always helps.
Then, I would find a time when you don't need to be anywhere or see anyone, and speak plainly without getting angry. Try and avoid crying if you can (easier said than done), at least straight away. I find guys close up when women start.
He has got to hear that by taking you for granted (because that is exactly what he is doing) and not pulling his weight he is driving you away. This became a huge problem for me an an ex, and that's the point- he is now an ex. I tried to talk to him a few times, but he brushed it aside. When I broke up with him, he accused me of not talking to him enough about it. Maybe he was right, maybe he wasn't. But it was too late by then.
Good luck chick. Let me know how you get on :( x
CommentAuthorKatH91
Thanks :) It feels good just to talk, I really do need to talk to him but its not like i haven't said these things before. In my job, im a manager - i have two conversations before i sack someone when the same situation arises and i really dont want that to happen here. Im a sucker for a list too so will definitely do that. I just dont know what the next step would be if things didn't improve soon and I need to see a quick effort to improve, im physically and mentally exhausted. Will come back with an update, I really appreciate the impartial advice ladies thank you x
CommentAuthorSam
This is what couples counseling was invented for. Are you marrying in a church? They offer premarital counseling. If anything you might want to talk to someone on your own just to get some perspective on the situation.
