Wedding Forum - Is it Appropriate?

Wedding Forum - Is it Appropriate?...

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Ring pillows/other > Bridesmaid/Flowergirl/pageboy oufits: Is it Appropriate?

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- CommentAuthorJonathanM14
I have read on some forums, not these that flowergirls would be inappropriate not to mention confusing at a gay (male) wedding.

Half of me kind of agrees with this (surprisingly) BUT, i do have an issue with that line of thinking.

If its so confusing and inappropriate should children therefore not attend the wedding at all?

I mean how is being a flower girl going to be much more confusing than if they were attending the wedding in general and had no participation, i dont see much difference.

I have a 5 year old neice and my OH has granddaughters.

I am not too worried either way so please do give your honest opinion.
- CommentAuthorkittycat84
I honestly think that having flowergirls is fine at a gay wedding.

Children now are taught from an early age, that not everyone is the same, and that there are all different walks of life. Most children are more aware than we think.

x
- CommentAuthorbridalmiss
The thinking that it might be inappropriate is because the flowergirls are considered part of the bridal party - for my wedding the girls helped carry the train of my dress as I walked up the aisle - however, if you had them walking ahead of you scattering petals say so you could walk on them, I don't see the problem?

Or if you don't like the petals idea, have the girls walk in first but together - we gave ours cuddly bunny rabbits to hold instead of flowers, and it looked really cute in photos :-)
- CommentAuthorJonathanM14
I like the petals idea although is it a bit corny?

What would the guests think of this though? Would they think it were a bit odd?
- CommentAuthorweemindyxx
i agree with kittycat i have been on placement working on school an children are taught at an earlie age that everyone is different and each sex can do the same role etc i wouldnt see having flowergils as unexceptable at a gay wedding at all.xxxx

future Mrs Cole
Soulmates, 2 halves of the same soul
Joining together in lives journey.

- CommentAuthorKat
Honestly. Your day your way. Would your neice and OH's grandaughters not be more confused by not being part of your special day?!
- CommentAuthorJonathanM14
Yes thats a good point kat. I think if kids are going to get confused, if that even were to happen, then they would do so by just attending the wedding anyway, and i dont think any participation would make any differnce to that, i think is the point i am trying to make.
- CommentAuthorLegoWife
I think you could have bridesmaids if you really wanted to- rename them to groomsmaids and you're good to go. No point getting caught up in the rules of traditional roles. Your day your way and all that. Why does a bride need bridesmaids anyway? Why can't she have brides...butlers or something LOL

~Wedding made of Lego~
*Married 30/03/13*
- CommentAuthorFitchMcCombe
Putting the whole traditional blessing for the brides fertility that nobody really thinks about these days, there is absolutely no reason why a flower girl would be inappropriate at a gay wedding ceremony! Go for it :)
- CommentAuthorJonathanM14
Yes their role would definitely be 'flower girls' and certainly not bridesmaid.

Thanks All!!
- CommentAuthorx~Hails~x
  
  edited
flower girls bridesmaids etc are all picked because they are special to the couple just because its a gay wedding doesnt mean the people are any less important and f that involves flower girls paigeboys whoever then have them!
Its your wedding have who is important to you involved in it and don't worry what others think!
DEFIANTLY YOUR DAY, YOUR WAY!

UKBride moderator both on here and on facebook

For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart
It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.
- CommentAuthorTsukijin
I can't see how it's any different. You go for whatever you want and don't let anyone else stop you :)

eru, shiteiru ka? shinigami wa ringo shika tabenai?
^_^
- CommentAuthorVelcro
  
  edited
It's not something I'd ever think, oh hey, thats weird they have flower girls! I'm pretty sure the majority of people would think the same. It's something people may or may not choose to have, I can't see why anyone would think it was innapropriate,the fact that it's a couple of blokes should make no difference whatsover.

I like the teddy bear idea :) My daughter and my boyfriends daughter will be being flower girls, and I am having them walking down the aisle before me. I already anticipate raised eyebrows at them not walking down the aisle with me. But bottom line is it's my day and I'm not pandering to other peoples expectations, and neither should anyone else

edit* won't ever get used to referring to him as the fiance.... which Ive just noticed looks like finance without the accent over the e

Afew missattempts and I've discovered 'shift alt & e does it, fiancé woohoo, I learn summat new everyday :)

Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
- CommentAuthor
if you want flowergirls then have them :-) their job is literally just to scatter flowers in front of the bridal party... its not written anywhere that it has to be a female they are scattering them for!
xxx

met the man of my dreams 22/09/2006,
Had our amazing twin boys 16/05/2008
Finally becoming Mrs Davies on 31/08/2012 will make me the
happiest lady alive :-)
- CommentAuthormillz090
I never even thought it was werid until you mentioned that it may be to some people. However it shouldnt confuse your neice and his grand daughters as surely they know you as a gay couple anyway so thats normal to them.... they may be more upset if you didnt have them?! xx

Finally marrying the love of my life !!
10th August 2013 - 9 years to the day we met !
- CommentAuthorShirleygirly
I'm not sure who would find flower girls at a gay wedding inappropriate but I certainly wouldn't. I've been to a wedding where a dog was best man (the speech wan't so great) so anything goes really.

I didn't know about the é trick either so I've learnt something from this thread.

I can't wait until 29/06/2013
The day I marry the man of my dreams!
- CommentAuthorSelinaK
I'm going to get all political here, but a wedding is a wedding irrespective of the gender of the two parties getting married!
As long as all parties involved understand the situation, it shouldn't be a problem! As they are family I am sure they will want to be part of the day and would be honoured to be asked. I would never have even thought about it being odd, so I wouldn't worry!! xx
- CommentAuthorsuzky123
hmmm I never thought of that before. I think that if they are special to you then go ahead, as with any other wedding. As long as they understand whats going on I think it is fine.

cant wait to be Mrs Evans less than 3 weeks woooo
start weight 10st 1.5 lbs
weight now 8st 4.5 lbs
total loss to date: 24.5 lbs now need to maintain!
- CommentAuthornatalie2614
The beauty of your day is there is no set tradition to follow, so if you want flower girls then you have them. At the end of the day, if people judge you on the day for having them, they are not worth the invite in the first place as they obviously have a problem.

I like the groomsmaid idea from further up though, thats a quirky spin on things! Although these are still kiddies so definitly flower girls!

Married my best friend 05.04.2013
- CommentAuthorLegoWife
I'm not saying the flower girls should be bridesmaids by the way, I was just making a point that no one should have to stick to tradition if they don't want to.

~Wedding made of Lego~
*Married 30/03/13*
- CommentAuthorPB
Velcro i have been engaged for 16 months and this is the first time i have ever been able to type fiancé,thank you xxx
Johnathan i dont think that it would be any more or less confusing for a child to be a flowergirl than just a guest and lets face it which little girl would not want to be a flowergirl? Do whats right for you but remember they will upstage you lol! xxx
- CommentAuthorJonathanM14
Exactly my thoughts, if they are going to get confused then that will happen even if they just attend without participating, so problem solved really.

As far as upstaging, you havnt seen what im wearing!! lmfao

No it wont be outrageous, thinking midnight/royal blue tails and cream/ivory waistcoat and cravat, lillies in lapel.

Take more than a few 5 year olds chucking petals about to upstage that lmfao
- CommentAuthorMrsP2be
I would go for it. Like the others have said its your day - you make the rules.
- CommentAuthorSazzell23
I think its fine to have flowergirls, if you want them then why shouldnt you x
- CommentAuthorHa_x3
I dont think its weird atall!! I think you are just as entitled as any other birde/groom wanting bridesmaids/flowergirls x

Mrs Lunn
08/05/12 was the best day of my life
& I love my husband with all my heart xxxx
- CommentAuthorsuzky123
you will have to show us some photies of what you have planned. Sounds great x

cant wait to be Mrs Evans less than 3 weeks woooo
start weight 10st 1.5 lbs
weight now 8st 4.5 lbs
total loss to date: 24.5 lbs now need to maintain!
- CommentAuthorJonathanM14
I certinaly will!!!!

BTW i started another thread a while back regarding having two events, as i was not certain if my family would mix to well with the OH.

I have since decided to hold one event, as it feels that I would like everyone there for the real thing, rather than one half at real wedding and a party for the other half.

Problem i have now is that some of our friends, and some of OH family have a bit of a habit of swearing and my family would be horrified at this, i dont swear much and my family dont swear at all.

But i can think of problems here.... any advice???
- CommentAuthorFitchMcCombe
Properly laughed out loud at your 'upstaging' post Jonathan!! Haha :)

I know its not much of a solution but I always think warning is often enough... we can't change people, and we certainly don't want to make our loved ones feel embarrassed or judged for being themselves - but sometimes we do wish they would just be *a tad* less themselves lol!

Maybe just say to your side of the family 'just to warn you they can be a bit of a lairy/(insert appropriate adjective here) bunch but all good people, I've asked them to tone it down a bit but just so you're not caught off guard!'
Then similarly say to your partners side 'just to warn you they can be a bit prudish/(insert appropriate adjective here) but all good people...'

I think sometimes a bit of gentle humour can soften the edges between the two sides, might not work for you guys but I've taken that approach on a few occasions lol!
- CommentAuthorJonathanM14
Yes i think there is a lot to be said for pre-warning, and having quite words in some peoples shell-likes. Hopefully not too much offence is taken in the process.

Its a bit awkward though isnt it, how can you say to someone, please dont swear so much due to where the event is and in consideration of others you dont know also being around.

People just get offended so easily if they are told that.
- CommentAuthor
my sisters swear...alot! and they have been told to behave themselves as there are alot of kids around and h2bs family are alot mild mannered than my rough family haha! think a quiet word would work fine hun...or write it in your invites '£1 charge for every naughty word said' lol! put a pot on every table and you could be loaded by the end of the night haha
xx good luck xx

met the man of my dreams 22/09/2006,
Had our amazing twin boys 16/05/2008
Finally becoming Mrs Davies on 31/08/2012 will make me the
happiest lady alive :-)
- CommentAuthorJonathanM14
Do you think because of the nature of the event that that alone would adjust people mindset and they may be more becoming to the occasion anyway?
- CommentAuthorsuzky123
I think a quiet word, even to your side of the family that swearing may go on so they are pre-warned. It is just the nature of the other people and not meant in an offensive way when they swear, they are just having a laugh and a giggle and then your side may be more prepared incase someone does slip.

cant wait to be Mrs Evans less than 3 weeks woooo
start weight 10st 1.5 lbs
weight now 8st 4.5 lbs
total loss to date: 24.5 lbs now need to maintain!
- CommentAuthormadhen
Yup, quiet word probably wise - you're not asking people to change, you're just letting them know that there might be some different characters and mindsets in the room...I can see everyone being quite respectable initially and then as the wine kicks in...am speaking from personal experience of several family weddings!! ;)
- CommentAuthormadhen
Oh and on the flower girl point I agree with everyone - do whatever you want on your day! :D

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