Need some advice... So my OH is Irish, but luckily I convinced him to have a lovely Cotswolds wedding here in England. We have a church and hotel booked. The church is massive so no worries about seating capacity there. Our problem is that the hotel can only seat a maximum of 120 guest for the wedding breakfasts. We have managed to get all our families and very close friends in (we have big families!). The problem is, my OH is inviting other friends from Ireland to the evening do only (we would have probably had them for the day do, but they were cut to get family and best mates in etc). So my question is, with them coming all the way from Ireland, is it odd for us to invite them to the church (where we can fit them in) and not for a meal? Oviously then they are more than welcome to the evening party!
CommentAuthorSamanthaG76
I don't think so :-) i'll be doing the same and have seen it done in lots of weddings x
12th April 2014 - The day I marry my soulmate..x
Smile, be happy :-)
CommentAuthormym72
Personally I'd be quite offended if I was invited to the church, then told to make my own entertainment til the evening reception. Surely if they've travelled all that way they'd be quite willing to just come to the evening reception - or would expect a meal after the ceremony. Put it this way - where are they supposed to go while you have your reception?
CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
I am doing this too. I will send them an evening invite and at the bottom of it put a little message saying 'Ceremony is at 1.30pm at (church name) in (village/town), please feel free to attend if you wish" Then they have the choice whether or not they want to come to both or just one. We live in Great Yarmouth so there is plenty for them to do in summer in between the church and the evening reception! xx
Got together 14.02.2008
Got engaged 31.12.2010
Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
I'm doing that and having only close family to the wedding meal (max seating 50) it fits better with our budget and we are having a full nuptial service (about an hour) at church. so having open invite to church and evening. I thought that would be nicer to those travelling a long distance. not sure how it will go down but tough I have no space for them at dinner! lol
CommentAuthorNicholaP44
Its done many times hun, u must make it very clear tho, that they are not able 2 come 4 the meal. x
Marrying "the 1" on 4th Oct 2013
CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs M
we just offered to our evening guests that if they wanted to come see us getting married they could and a fair few turned up
8th September 2012 I married my best friend
1st September 2014 our little family grew by one
Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde
CommentAuthorShazk
Im torn on this one part of me things I would be offended to then have to find my own food etc after coming all that way but then if you word it carefully and they choose to visit ur service then I supose its their choice so thats up to them but you need to be very carefull how you word it as some may assume as you have commented about service that its an all day invitiation xx
Away with the flutterbys xxx
CommentAuthorTamster
think of it another way they will want to see you get married their family and then they have time on their own to explore the lovely cotswolds before partytime at night aint that what the Irish are famous for!!!!!! (no offense ever intended) carefully word it and you will be fine or ring those who have accepted and ones that are approachable and just ask how they feel about it sell it to them how wonderful the area is or give them ideas how to fill the time good luck x
Unwrapping the best pressie ever December 7th 2013
CommentAuthorpemily
I wouldnt personally write this on invite but would put the word out there that they were welcome at church. I would also find a note on the invite a bit insulting but then I always politely decline evening onlys if they are not easy to get to.
CommentAuthorbarbie86
We have a similar issue: our ceremony venue will easily seat 100 people, but we have a strict limit of 52 for the wedding breakfast.
There are people I'd like to invite to the ceremony, but who we just can't accommodate at the wedding breakfast; and I've toyed with the idea of letting them know they're welcome at the ceremony if they'd like to come. Our venue is in the town-centre, so there's plenty to do in-between.
My concern though is that they'd come across to the reception venue with everyone else, which could make it awkward; I'd kind of feel we had to at least include them in the drinks reception (which TBF we could; and then they'd only have about 2 hours to kill until the wedding breakfast was over). But, I'm not quite comfortable with it from an etiquette POV.
If you do open up the ceremony to evening guests, I would do so informally; I wouldn't include it officially on the invite, I'd maybe just include a separate note saying that due to space constraints you have been unable to invite everyone to the wedding breakfast, but that if evening guests would like to join you for the ceremony, they'd be very welcome, and maybe include a list of places close by where they could get lunch. Just make sure it's worded in a very informal/no pressure way, so people don't feel like they have to come.
As a guest, I would love to be given the option to go to the ceremony, even if I wasn't invited to the wedding breakfast, and would probably go, provided it wasn't in the middle of nowhere.
CommentAuthorLauraJo87
If I was travelling a long way, I would hope to be invited to the wedding breakfast and I think initially would be a bit put out.
Having said that, some people find wedding breakfasts kinda dull and boring (no idea why!) and if they are only there for a few days may enjoy the chance to have an explore and do there own thing for a few hours.
I think I would be more understanding if there was only a small wedding breakfast, and 120 seems quite a large one to me... I think priority needs to be given to those travelling a long way, but that's just my personal opinion.
Also, amusing themselves for a few hours in between with my friends would probably mean they'd disappear to the nearest pub and get trolled before the evening do :-/
However, I don't see the harm in putting a little note in saying they are welcome to the ceromony, then it leaves the ball in their court xx
My Beating Heart Belongs To You
30 August 2013
The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
CommentAuthorIzzy_w
Thanks ladies, all input really helpful. Might put a bit of additional info out there...... The people we were thinking of inviting to the church/evening only are a group of Irish lads/college friends all aged under about 32 who all know each other. Where we're getting married is a lovely Cotswold market town (with plenty of pubs!) Our wedding is at 1.30, we're having a protestant service and then a catholic blessing. Thinking that this may take 1.5 hours possibly. What I was thinking was that they could come along, and go and get a nice pub lunch afterwards (and a few drinks I am sure) then head on over for the evening reception.....
However, like some of you said, is it wrong to invite people a long way and not to invite them to the full day (which was actually our intentions until we realised that we had no room for them) :-s Seems harsh, but then would they be disappointed if they got no invite at all.....
On the flipside, I can get from home, to the airport and fly to Dublin in less time than it takes me to say get to London (about 2 hours), so is it really that far for them???
X
CommentAuthorOWB
I'm going to a wedding next year where I'm invited to the church and the evening do. The couple spoke to us from the start and explained the reasoning, we're fine with it.
If only life could be one long tea break
CommentAuthormillz090
We went to a wedding last year and got a church and evening do invite.... I was quite offended and felt really left out as some of our other friends got all day invites. Also we had a 1pm church service so hair, make up and nice dress on then had to go home between the church and evening d for like 5 hours and didn't want t get changed the re changed again so sat in my dress all day waiting to go back. Also if your evening guests are staying at the same hotel As your reception they may want to go back to the hotel and hear the wedding breakfast going on dwnstairs?!
Finally marrying the love of my life !!
10th August 2013 - 9 years to the day we met !
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Hmmm, it's a tricky one as I totally understand why you want to do it, it's hard when there is only so much space at the wedding breakfast.
Personally, whilst I'd understand I would feel disappointed and a bit put out and left out if I was invited to the ceremony and evening reception but not the full day with wedding breakfast.
I think it depends very much on your friends and whether they're the sort who will understand and not mind or whether they're like me and feel a little second rate. Only you know them well enough to know whether they'll be ok with it if you explain your situation and problem.
I think as a general rule people who are invited to the ceremony get an all day invite.
Hope you work something out hun xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
No, sorry Hun I don't agree with this at all I think it's a bit odd imo... If I was invited to the church, told to make my own entertainment etc etc then go the evening do I'd feel really annoyed.... If people wanna go to the off their own back fine but otherwise I'd say no... Sorry! X
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
I don't understand why so many people find this so offensive? It's a very common occurence for this to happen when someone is marrying in a church, we have always had this written in evening invites when the couple were marrying in church and I have never felt put out about it, you aren't demanding that they come to the ceremony, just offering them the choice if they would like to :s I guess it all comes down to what people are used to xxx
Got together 14.02.2008
Got engaged 31.12.2010
Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
CommentAuthorLauraJo87
I don't think it's inviting them to to the church that people are taking issue to (I think that's a really nice idea personally) I think its not inviting people who have a long way to travel to the wedding breakfast, only to the evening do.
I must admit in that situation I would probably consider declining the invite xx
My Beating Heart Belongs To You
30 August 2013
The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
CommentAuthorIzzy_w
Oh my :-s
I can agree with all of you in one way or another.... If I was invited to the church and evening do, I would be a bit miffed but thats because I am a senstivie soul! And I can see also what you're saying about travelling along way and then only going to the evening do.... I'd hope that this group wouldnt be offended - theyre a group of single, young(ish!) men and are generally as the Irish say, just up for the craic.....I think they'd be more offended if they didnt get an invite at all?
I would have had the guys there probably, but we just do not have enough space for them. I just don't know if I should invite them at all if I can't fit them in for the day? :-s
CommentAuthorSam
Oh, that makes sense. It wouldn't hurt to invite them, they'll make the final decision if they can make the trip. If they can't be definite for the day I'd put them to the top of the list for bumping to the day if some day guest can't make it. They are traveling a long way.
CommentAuthorLauraJo87
I agree. If ey will be upset not to get an invite, invite them for the evening with an offer to come to the church.
If there is no way they can be there for the wedding breakfast I think that's the best alternative - after all, they have the option not to go.
If its a bunch of single thirty year old lads they will make their own entertainment anyway xx
