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Wedding Forum - Invite or not invite ?...

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  1.  
    • Tiffany
      CommentAuthorTiffany
      Got married 31 months ago
      Posted: Jan 3rd 2017
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    *Sorry long post*

    We are really struggling to decide if we should invite a certain person to our wedding or not.

    I hate this person with a passion, so do a lot of our guests. (will call him Bob)

    My OH used my phone to text Bob, due to his being broke, Bob later found out it was my phone and he started texting asking if my OH wanted some drugs and asking if he was having a fun time with another women!
    To start with I ignored the texts thinking he had texted the wrong person on accident, but then they got more and more frequent. I nicely texted him back telling him he had clearly go the wrong person and to stop texting. ( My OH has NEVER done drugs and ALWAYS tells me where he is and who he is with just in case I need to get in touch with him regarding our son. He is good at letting his phone go dead)
    I then showed my OH the texts and left it at that. A week later the texts started again but in more detail.
    This time I got mad and texted him back with lets say a few choice words!
    As if all this wasn't enough Bob then told my OH's friends I had threatened him and his child. I didn't even know he had a child!


    You are probably reading this thinking why the hell are they even thinking about inviting this person!

    This is where the problem is.....

    Bob is engaged to a friend of my OH's and they expect there first child just before the wedding. We have put down we are inviting her and the baby but so far not him or his other child.
    However we have invited all other plus ones (even ones we have never met), so we can't even say there are space issues and I don't think it would go down well if I said he is not invited coz he is a p***. My OH still talks to Bob, more for his friends sake.

    What would you do?
  2.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
      Got married 33 months ago
      Posted: Jan 3rd 2017
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Personally I wouldn't invite either of them- harsh but you can't invite one without the other really- bob sounds like a complete kn0b!

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  3.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jan 3rd 2017
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    I would not have that idiot at my wedding full stop. Even if it meant not inviting your OHs friend. I wouldnt want someone as horrible as that at my wedding.

    Plus, I would block his number so he cannot contact you again...

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  4.  
    • FayeH
      CommentAuthorFayeH
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jan 3rd 2017
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    You say you hate this person - not just dislike them - so I think you definitely should not invite him to your wedding.
    I'd be wary about inviting his fiance and their baby - inviting the fiance alone may just be best, unless she's solely breastfeeding and wouldn't be able to leave the child.

    You say it won't go down well if you don't invite him because he's a p***, however there's probably a better way to do it - I think if I were you I would call the friend you want to invite and explain that while you're keen to remain on good terms with her and would love to have her at the wedding, some of the things her partner has done and said has been very hurtful and has sought to drive a wedge between you and your h2b - as such you don't feel comfortable having him at the wedding.
  5.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jan 4th 2017
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    I agree with the others. Absolutely would not have him within a 20 mile radius of my wedding if it was me.

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  6.  
    • Mrs Jones
      CommentAuthorMrs Jones
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jan 4th 2017
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    Definitely not. Sounds like he is trying to create problems between you and your OH and the last thing you want is for him to cause a scene on your big day. I probably wouldn't bother to invite his OH either - that way he may take less offence. Remember it's your day and you want to share it with people you want to, not people you have only invited so you don't upset them!

    Members signature icon
    First Date 26 April 2014
    Proposed 27 June 2015
    Happily Married 18 June 2016
  7.  
    • Wizbit89
      CommentAuthorWizbit89
      Got married 33 months ago
      Posted: Jan 4th 2017
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I would talk to your friend, and maybe discuss with your OH the best way to approach it, I would also have the old messages etc to hand and if she questions it you can show her why you don't want him there. she may not know what he is like which is the only thing that may be difficult
  8.  
    • MrsC2Be
      CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jan 4th 2017
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    There is no way i would have bob the kn0b at the wedding! Why would you pay for a guy who clearly wants to cause you pain and stress and come between you.

    Axe them both of the list, ifyou just invite his partner and kid you then run the risk of him coming anyway :o

    This is your day to celebrate with the people who love and support you x

    Members signature icon
    Met In Lanzarote April 2013
    Engaged In Rome February 2016
    Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
  9.  
    • Wizbit89
      CommentAuthorWizbit89
      Got married 33 months ago
      Posted: Jan 4th 2017
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    ^^ I agree!
  10.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jan 4th 2017
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    bob the kn0b - Love it!!! :)

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  11.  
    • Tiffany
      CommentAuthorTiffany
      Got married 31 months ago
      Posted: Jan 4th 2017
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thank you Ladies.

    After reading your comments and the texts again, I decided over my dead body is he coming! Even told OH it was either me or Bob before he had a chance to say anything on the matter.

    OH said her not being invited is not even an option, he has known her since the day she was born and she is more like a sister to him then a friend. (which I completely understand)

    I have agreed to her being invited BUT he has to speak to her about Bob and explain that under no circumstance is he invited or to step foot in the building and why. It is then her choice if she comes or not.
    We are going to leave it up to her if she wants to bring the baby or not and are going to make it clear to her that our friendship in no way or form is going to be affected by what Bob has done. I have no problem with her at all and we have become quiet close so hopefully she will no be offended that I don't want Bob at the wedding.
  12.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
      Got married 33 months ago
      Posted: Jan 4th 2017
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    Very wise choice :-) xx

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  13.  
    • MrsToniKB
      CommentAuthorMrsToniKB
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jan 4th 2017
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    I agree with the other girls redo not to have bob there!
    I'm glad you put your foot down on the matter and giving your OH friend the opportunity to come with her baby is the right thing to do, I hope it all works out for the best for you xx




    finally became Mrs B 22nd June 2017!!
  14.  
    • CamilaL
      CommentAuthorCamilaL
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jan 5th 2017
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I would not invite him. Bob's OH probably knows what happened and will understand.
  15.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jan 5th 2017
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    Well done! The right decision made there I think.

    Let us know how it goes and her response xx

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  16.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jan 5th 2017
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    That sounds like the right thing. Let's hope this lady can be a good influence on Bob, especially with two children in the picture.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  17.  
    • LeanneR0186
      CommentAuthorLeanneR0186
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jan 7th 2017
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    That sounds the right thing to do, I would def speak to her before the invites go out though, my husbands best man sent a save the date to another couple in our friends group, by the time it came round to sending out wedding invites, the gf in the couple was quite obnoxious and not nice to be around, so understandable they didn't want her at their day, however they just sent him an invite with her not on it, which caused a massive argument and he now doesn't see any of us, which is a shame as he is our son's godfather. I def think if he had of spoken to him about the situation before hand, things would hve worked out different. xx

    Members signature icon
    The Richardson's 31/12/16


  18.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jan 8th 2017
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    Good move!

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

 
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