Arghh I need to vent! Have had a uni mate who I've known for 15 years, we've always got on really well (in fact we nearly went out at uni but thought it would get too weird!) - even after uni he and his friends who I met through him would make an effort to come to Liverpool from Manchester for my birthday night out etc so I've always pictured that group at my wedding - he even emailed straight after my STD's last summer saying they'd be there and gave suggestions for bands etc as he got married the year before, I sent my proper invites at Christmas and he replied on 3rd Jan saying they'd definitely be there.
Just had an email from him now totally apologising as he's found out his wife has arranged a surprise weekend away the same weekend as the wedding (supposed to be a birthday surprise for him, even though his bday's not till 2 weeks later!) - and his group of friends are also going - so that's 4 missing from my guest list. Am so gutted as I'd always assumed they'd be there, and I even had their table set out already as the funny table with all guests pre-picked to be on it! Sent him a rant back on email which I did apologise for at the end, but I was disappointed - and I even told him about all the surprise things planned for the day which they'll miss, as well as sending a copy of our bespoke menu just to make him even more disappointed - oops!
He's offered to take me and H2B out for a meal to apologise but I'm already getting teary thinking they won't be there so not sure if we should accept! I feel so silly but it's totally taken me by surprise :-(
CommentAuthormunchkinpie
They aren't nice to receive - especially from people that you truly wanted to be part of the day.
A few of our refusals have been from those we expected to make the effort and to be honest their reasons have pee'd me off a tad.
On a positive note at least he was decent enough to tell you about it now and you can deal with as opposed to being really upset and probably worried on the day when they didnt come, because many people take the easy option and dont let you know.
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CommentAuthorKatya
i would be the same hun... my best mate is male, i met him on my first day of school so iv known him 20years! but he has ust moved to Zurich last week in fact! its been a while since i last saw him i mean before he moved we lived opposite sides of the country due to work/family commitments! i feel totally lost without him! i know it seems silly that we hardly saw eachother and now hes not in the country i miss him loads, but i do! if my grandad passes before we get married (which im expecting) then i was gonna ask him to give me away (my dad is dead so my grandad is next choice).
i think once you have calmed down, a meal out with him and his wife would be a lovely idea.... maybe instead of a meal out you could have a bbq with lots of booze and invite the mates too? have like a second celebration?
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CommentAuthorJilly17
Wow what a shame! I can completely understand you being so upset as surely he would have told his wife the date of the wedding etc. I think you have done the right thing in letting him know exactly how you feel...including the apology at the end!!! Thing is, it has happened now and obviously they are not going to change their plans and you have to decide whether it is worth loosing friends over this. As for the meal out, well it may be a little too raw to be thinking about it at the moment or indeed even before the wedding so I would just leave it for now. I know it is hard but try not to take it personally. You and your h2b will still have a wonderful day and it is not worth thinking about how it would be if they were there because at the end of the day it is their loss!!!
CommentAuthorbridalmiss
Oh don't worry I'm not planning on losing the friendship over this, I'm just so shocked that I've spent 10 minutes blubbing over the news! And his friends who were also invited have always had a thing about Chinese food etc, and we've even worked that into the celebrations - while those decisions weren't for their sake I was looking forward to seeing their faces when they turned up! So silly, it's just of all the people to decline I never thought it'd be them - I have elderly relatives in Australia who've sent their apologies and I was fine with that, these lot tell me and I'm totally distraught!
Ah that's a shame. It hasn't even crossed my mind that anybody might not be able to come! I'll be gutted if anybody drops out :-(
There'll be lots of other friends and happy faces to take your mind off it on the day :-)
CommentAuthorJanie
awww thats a shame, especially when you wanted the there so much. can understnad you feeling a bit upset over it.
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CommentAuthorAnastasia
Sorry to hear this but on reading this my first question is if they have known for so long why would his wife book it on that weekend, did she not know? Hope you feel better soon x
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CommentAuthor~feebee~
Awww, very disappointing for you (((hugs))). My nephew and girlfriend are now not coming. he's doing the music for his friend's wedding instead. Not only is he missing our wedding but he's missing seeing his mum as MOH. Also I will now only have 5 of my depleted family there, IF my brother comes. My sister just dropped the news into an email and it was obvious they'd been discussing it and had known about it for a few days before telling me. I kept calm but when I told my sister I'd invited our brother she went mad! (Long story with our brother).
I'm hoping that although certain people have said they are coming and have booked the hotel, that they don't change their minds or I will be really upset about it
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CommentAuthorbridalmiss
I think it was a genuine mistake on her part, he hasn't gone into that - but they both knew our wedding date a year in advance, and that it was the Jubilee weekend, so surely if you were booking a trip on a bank holiday weekend it would register? Oh well... I'm over it now I think, it's just one of those things - I do think it's harsh that only my uni friend has had the decency to apologise and let me know though, his wife (who I've known for over 10 years) and his friends too haven't said anything to me - even though I sent them FB msgs saying sorry they couldn't make it!
CommentAuthorsamitrev2B
awww huni, ur have ur tens mins but when u start doing the finishing touches and think bout the rest of ur family and friends and marrying the man u really love it wont seem as sad :) just think they will be missing the best party ever esp when they see all ur photos planted everywhere. ur day will be magic and deep down u dnt know how he may e feeling to miss his bestfriends wedding. I have to keep smiling when i get a decline through the post otherwise il cry, because i moved to an island which doesnt take long to get to but cos of the ferry crossing a lot of my older relative i was hoping who would be there arent esp when i was little and seeing my aunties getting married we had the best weddings ever and always hoped my are the same, but to keep my self positive everyone who drops out makes it cheap for me and my partner lol xxx
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CommentAuthorNicksbex
That is one of my fears. I don't know what I would do if anyone couldn't make it as the table plan would be completly messed up. Our best man nearly booked holiday on our wedding day if I hadn't reminded him our date he wouldn't have been there
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CommentAuthorSteffi
I would feel exactly the same, its not a nice feeling. But remember you will still have loads of people there who you love. :)
CommentAuthorloustew2012
awww such a shame, i think somewhere along the line its going to happen to a lot of people. my best friend isnt coming to mine as his partner has decided he has to go to india at that point and is dragging him along to. (before they met me and nf spent a lot of time together and tbh he didnt like our sense of humour together therefore any parties i had the partner had something less but more important to do)
maybe if your having a video done then you can have a catchup evening with some drinks, food and your wedding dvd. xxx
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CommentAuthorbridalmiss
Well I've just sent a private FB msg to the wife, explaining that I'd got over the shock now, was gutted they couldn't come but understood there'd been a clash of dates and no hard feelings. I think it was more the fact I'd never thought people would want to possibly turn down my wedding, I've had lots of other friends and family going on about it being the wedding of the year for them! So there'll be lots of people there to share the day with us, and I've said to the wife that there'll be photos and video clips for them to catch up - meanwhile I need to think of somewhere really swanky for us to have dinner when they're taking us out for an apology meal! :-)
CommentAuthorrocketqueen
Bless you hun.
I have had one refusal for the evening do so far but she is attending hen night which is cool. Then one refusal for ceremony but that is MIL friend that I barely know - so not fussed. My best friend can't make my hen night as she lives in Germany - REALLY gutted about that. But she is coming for the big day and will take on her bridesmaid duties :) H2B best friend couldn't attend wedding which almost had us cancelling. It really is sad when people you envisage there can't make it.
Dreading the refusals... I said end of Feb to RSVP. I've so far had hardly any RSVP's at all!!
Hoping you have a nice meal out x
Here comes the bride......
CommentAuthorKylee27
Oh no! Can understand you getting upset. We've only had one RSVP so far...hope the rest come in soon!xx
Can't wait to be married!
CommentAuthorUnknown
i know how you feel and it isnt nice. i am really good friends with someone who is male aswell and we were very close even though he lives an hour and a half from me. we would chat and text all day and night and he helped me through some really bad times. he was one of the people that i wanted at the wedding apart from my family and he kept saying that he would come but then told me the week before that he wouldnt as he couldnt see me getting married to someone.
at least youur friend has a valid reason. can his wife not change the date? i am a bit confused why his mates would go away with them. i think him offering to take you out though is lovely and shows that he doesnt want to miss your big day! xx
CommentAuthorMrs Badger
I can understand you getting upset, think I would feel exactly the same. xx
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CommentAuthor~feebee~
Had to do my table plan again to keep sister and brother seperate! Luckily it was possible and actually made it even better than it was before
