Wedding Forum - In the News - Rude Mother in Laws rant...

Just watching the bbc 6 o clock news and it was on there! lol Although I have to agree with some points, surely email wasn't the best form of communication.

I don't agree that people aren't part of a family until they get married. What about people who decide not to get married but are together for years?

I also think that taking a gift the first time you meet someone is good manners, personally after that I probably wouldn't, unless it was for something like a birthday or anniversary or if it was a more formal gathering. If someone brought me a gift everytime they came to see me I would feel a bit awkward and start thinking I should get them something to thank them for coming round and then they might think they have to get me something else for thanking them... it could go on forever and frankly if someone expected a gift just because they allowed me in their presence, well I don't think I would want to be in their presense at all.

the bride to be is called heidi withers,the mil2b is called carole vaughn (sp)

I was reading about this last night! And where I agree manors dont cost anything yet can go a long way! (now this is personal opinion not meant to upset or annoy others I understand we all have our own POV on this matter)

1) I think this woman is stuck up beyond belief
2) The food issues I personally would hate to be somewhere for a weekend and spend it hungry! and also the bride to be had stated she was diabetic and she has to be careful what she eats, Also I would not eat something that I didnt like (such as I refuse to eat beef and I dont care who's house Im at for tea I will not eat it simple) Yes I think the lady should have either asked for second helpings or waited till she was asked!
3) As for the handwritten cards I deem them unnecessary in this situation! I would never send a handwritten card to say thankyou for staying at family or future family's home! Id say thankyou but not put it in writing!
4) The whole diabetic thing. Yes you dont need to keep going on about it but tell the people you feel need to know as it could save your life! And as for the walk you can be as prepared as you like sometimes these things happen!
5) The whole thing about the venue and HER parents paying! That is to me a very old fashioned way to look at a wedding! My parents are not paying much at all My mom is paying the photographer (her friend and business partner) £50 to do my day for my wedding present! Other than That my sister is paying for the evening buffet also as a gift other than that me and H2b are paying for everything else!

Thanks Joey! lol

the problem with this article (and many others) is that you only read one side of it, that being the MIL's, she may well have blown alot of things out of proportion, or even made somethings up in the heat of the moment. Whats to say that the MIL wasn't looking down her nose at the DIL2B the whole time which then got on her nerves so she decided to "bug" the MIL on purpose. I know i'd feel like it if someone was continuously looking down on me. Without the DIL2B's side of things who knows how much of the MIL's comments and gripes are actually truthful

Well, we're getting married in a castle, so that's us well and truly screwed then! LOL

Honeslty, this woman sounds just like my ex!!! geeez !:o)

Ok, so this woman is a fair bit stuck up her own Beehind, she has a few fair points about not starting dinner before everyone else and maybe about not thanking then for letting her stay (though I wouldn't personally go as far as a handwritten thank you card). She does need to get off her high horse though, In so much as the food is concerned, yes if you have a medical condition then there are things you can and can't eat ( I am intolerant to egg, so I warn people if I'm staying for dinner) but a good host will always check before serving just anything to a guest. I even go as far as to ask people before they arrive if there is anything they won't eat so I don't have the awkward situation of serving something they don't like.
Getting married in a castle? .... not my personal cup of tea but its the brides day and no one should stop her from having her idea of perfection.

If it were my wedding she would be uninvited, publicly, for being so rude. Manners cost nothing but she showed she forgot to pick some up when she sent that email. A polite and private chat would have been much more civilised.

I think she has some fair points, but has phrased them terribly and it's all gotten blown out of proportion without enough background detail.

For example with the food requirements: if it were for medical reasons then I'd mention it to the host quietly in advance but if the B2B announced it at the table, when the meal had been served then that's not very considerate but not a massive deal. However if it were just personal preference (like I'm not a fan of Brussel Sprouts) then I'd suck it up and either eat them in with everything else/not put them on my plate if it were self-serve/if I really hated the food in question I'd mention it in advance so the host has warning to arrange an alternative. So if the B2B had a b1tch at the dinner table about how she didn't like something then as the host I'd be miffed. On the other hand if the B2B mentioned in advance/quietly/didn't put them on her plate I wouldn't bring it up/moan about it as the host.

Personally I like castles so I disagree there.

If it were a dinner party then I'd definitely bring something. If it were just a casual dinner then I'd bring something for the first few times, then just every so often.

IMO the handwritten note is a bit outdated - again if it were a dinner party then I might, but for normal dinners what's wrong with saying thank you to her face?

Sleeping in late when the rest of the house rises early would make me uncomfortable so personally I agree with the MIL2B there, but that's personal opinion. If the H2B is also sleeping in then why get up alone?

The bit about "lowering her expectations to suit her budget" bit can be taken two ways, depending on the background info, which we don't have lol. First, if she wants a big wedding, then just save up for longer, MIL2B is out of line saying reign it in. But if the B2B is expecting this massive wedding on a big budget, but in a short time frame without saving up, the MIL2B is right, B2B is being unrealistic. Either way (unless the B2B's parents are actually paying for it of their own free will, not forced by B2B or MIL2B) bringing up the bit about the parents was out of line for MIL2B.

Insulting your H2B's family in public - rude! MIL2B is right there, if my H2B insulted my family in public I would be raging.

Telling the B2B to go to finishing school - also rude! So she did some things that weren't very polite, doesn't mean she needs to go to finishing school! Bad MIL2B lol!

Sorry - this has gotten quite long... Basically MIL2B has some (not all) good points in my opinion but the way she went about it was just asking for trouble!! As to the extent of how 'right' or 'wrong' she was to bring those points up I guess we'll never know unless we stalk them and sit in at their next dinner party lol! xx

I can see both sides. I think mother in law/daughter in law realtionships can sometimes be very strained but I don't think writing the email was good manners and I think the daughter in law was wrong for not keeping that email as a private matter. I don't have the best relationship with my MIL but as Steve's mother I have to respect her. I would never dream of slating Steve's family in public. In the daughter in laws defence she is marrying the guy not his family and I think her husband to be should cut the apron strings and tell his mother that it is not her choice but his.

I read the list of bad manners this girl supposedly has and ticked off each one as something I have done/not done in my in laws home. However, I am lucky and they are so laid back and I get on so well with them.

I think its hard to know who is "right" without getting the full story. However, it is definately out of order to send a vicious email thats only intention is to hurt the other person. To claim she is "patting herself on the back for bagging the eligable young man" is an attack on a person the mil2b has done intentionally to hurt the b2b.

The table manners could almost completely be put down to her diabetes. I dont know much about that illness, however what I do know is that having to high or too low blood sugar is dangerous and so if she required certain foods or more food it may well be due to that and not due to rudeness (although it may have been rudeness, who knows but the girl).

I would love to know the full story, but something that is clear is that the b2b will never feel welcomed into her in laws home. That is a real shame.

As a host I would say something like 'help yourself to what's left' and then usually guests will say 'does anybody mind if I have that last roastie?' or whatever.

hahaha, i like his response!