Wedding Forum - Im having a meltdown... what if i cant give...

im sat here with my brother in law 2 be and wondering what will be a year or so from now and thinking (well in my case panicking) what if icant give the h2b children? my doctor has diagnosed me with a virus in my womb (As a result from the latest smear test) they said that i will have difficulty conceiving a child (ive already had 2 miscarriages) and if i do fall pregnant that i may not be able to carry full term. Ive tried to talk to the h2b about fostering or adoption in case i cant have a baby! but he isnt so keen! what do i do? i know he loves me, i just dont know how to make him happy once we're married?xxxx

I dont really know what to say Hun. May this virus ease off after treatment & time? Lots of women don't carry full term 4 a multitude of reasons but can still have healthy babies they may need a lil assistance to bring em on in the beginning but go on to live 'normal', healthy lives. x

I'm so sorry to hear that about your womb. I've got a problem with my ovaries, and though I've been told I'm not infertile, there's a huge chance I'll never conceive, and if I do, a high chance of miscarriage... When I found out I felt awful - I work with children, love children, and can't wait for a family of my own, and I knew how excited my H2B is about having children too. There were horrible nights, where I'd get so worked up, and scream at him to leave me for someone that can give him a family, but he was lovely... He told me he was in this with me, and whatever happened we'd make it work. I'm sure your h2b feels the same.. I think men think the opposite way don't they, I know my h2b sees it as until we've been told we definitely can't have children, then we definitely can - whereas as soon as I heard the difficulties I may have, automatically convinced myself I was infertile and will never have children. You'll work through it together. You're getting married because he loves you, and together you'll sort something out. Good luck xx

hiya hun
Although I had a child when I was just 15 without any complication, when I older and decided I wanted to try for child it just didnt happen so I went to see the consultant. It was indentified that I have various issues from my uterus tilting backwards to a blocked tube. After some time I conceived only to have a miscarriage and again I conceived but the same again then several months went by and nothing. Due to all my issues when I conceived again I was closely monitored I went for my first scan at only 6weeks 3 days to be told I was having twins a high risk pregnancy on its own convinced it would all go wrong I spent 5 1/2 months worrying following all the rules to the letter at 30 weeks 2 days I went into labour and despite been told I wasnt in labour and at exactly 31 weeks I delivered 2 healthy but weak babies after 5 weeks in special care they came home and our now happy little 5 year olds. Dont get me wrong its not cured my problems I have since had miscarriages but it can happen.

I also have a family member who was told she would never have children and at 41 delivered health twin boys who are now 2 years old. She had a very stressful pregnancy and was even advised to terminate one of the boys as they suspected he had complicated health issues but is extremely glad she didnt.

I know its easy to say but try not to worry too much about it as there are new treatments coming out all the time and your H2B loves you and wants to have a future with you with or without children.
Try focus on doing all the thing you wanted to do together before you start a family then if you happen to have a child in between that would be amazing but if not then you could look into alternate ways off starting a family.

Try remember what you planned to do together before your diagnosis

Also there are various specialist organisations who maybe able to talk to you and help you with your concerns as it often helps to get information form people who know what your talking about and going through x

dont panic too much people have been told for years they cant have kids then prove the doctors wrong and have more than one if your really concerned ask to see a specialist and talk it over with a doctor whos trained in that field.

when i was 6 weeks pregnant with my daughter i started bleeding wasn't with a midwife yet so i rang my doctor whos told me 4 out of 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage which i thought great wasn't even bothered that i was in tears then two hours latter the midwife had finally received my notes and she went ballistic i was in the hospital getting checked out and have a healthy little girl doctors do get it wrong, and he got a good slapping.

so wait until you get a proper diagnosis before you panic, there's so many treatments that can help.

Well ive tried to talk to the h2b today... he has agreed that we will try for a baby after we are married and that we will look into adoption later on.. he gave me a big hug and told me not to worry.. he said he is marrying me because he wants to spend his life with me. If we have children then its a bonus!

He is so sweet! I dont feel so stressed anymore!

I am going to go to my GP soon and start discussing things i can do to improve my chances etc..

Thank you to all you lovely lovely ladies for your advice and beautiful messages and for sharing your own personal stories with me! I really really appreciate you all! Its amazing that all of you can be so helpful even though we've never met! Amazing! xxxxxx

Lots of love to you all! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey hun, if you need any advice about improving your chances and what to do if you can't conceive feel free to message me. I have and am going through it all myself x

my h2b and i have this problem too, i've been pregnant 3 times in my life. Once i was too young to be a responsible parent so did the horrific thing of having an abortion. The second time was a general miscarriage and the third time was an eptopic resulting in my left tube been removed.

H2b and i have been having unprotected s e x for over 3 years now and nothing has happened. This did get to me as i know that h2b wants children and is great with them, and after a time of me getting low every month when the curse came he finally cornered me and we talked. I admitted to being depressed that i couldn't give him what he wanted and he turned round and said that if we couldn't have children naturally then we would either have IVF, adopt or foster.

The latter two really appeal to us, and after we've had the tests done at the drs (once we're married) if we cannot conceive then this is the route we will take.

Your h2b will be just like mine and happy to have you as his wife and companion and if you are fortunate to have children then you are blessed, if not, there are other options to consider and you shouldn't let it affect your relationship. xx

Thanks ladies! I honestly appreciate all your help!

Im glad that we are talking about it (my h2b and i) - i was really getting worked up about it but now i feel calm and relaxed and knowing he supports me whatever happens just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside...

I feel safe and secure with him and I know that whatever happens, I can rely on him for support. xxxxx