I was just wondering if I could get your advice on this matter my lovely fellow UKBriders... A friend of mine recently got engaged (yayyyy!!!) and her wedding isnt until next year but she is getting her organising bridal head on now. Her bridal party consists of her sister, and her future sister in laws plus a friend of the family. She asked her friend to be maid of honour however is having some concerns and doubts. Her MOH never makes any effort to come and see her or even ask how wedding plans are going. It is always my friend contacting her, and arranging to see her, and even meeting up for a drink or a natter takes months of planning, cancellations, rearrangements etc. She didn't even bother coming with or asking about how she got on when she went for a dress fitting. Her sister is way more involved as are her future sister in laws.... and she is now considering whether to tell her friend that she is no longer MOH but doesn't know how to.
I remember reading on here a while ago a similar situation but cannot remember for the life of me the advice that was given so I told her I'd ask you all and get back to her. She obviously doesn't want to upset anyone, or let anyone down or cause issues but at the same time this is the greatest day of her life & doesn't need this sort of stress already.
So any help, tips or advice would be most appreciated...
xx
Every Once In a While In The Middle of an Ordinary Life
. . . Love Gives Us a Fairytale. . .
CommentAuthorMrsWright290912
Lou, you know the rigmarole I went through with my MOH and it turned out to be that she had her own issues going on at the time so maybe it's something like that.
If your friend really feels she would like her MOH to step down, she just has to bite the bullet and say it to her because either which way, even if she doesn't mean to hurt her, she may do. At the end of the day, one thing I learnt about being a bride was that you need to be selfish because if you try and please everyone else, you yourself will end up the only one who isnt! x
I really did marry my Mr Wright and we had a nice day for a
Wright wedding!
Mexico for our first anniversary
CommentAuthorLulu1388
I think its more, how to tell her in a nice enough way... like i dont think she has personal issues, its just the cba attitude... she probably wont be bothered either way but if a situation comes up for a drama to unfold she will turn it into the next easties storyline you know? It's how to let her down gently and in the right kind of way. I mean I told her once she has let her down, if she is a true friend she'll take it and still want to be there as a 'guest' and be happy enough with that... but its the confrontation/explanation thats causing worry... I know I don't like confrontation or the thought of letting someone down, no matter how badly they treat me etc, at the best of times let alone on your wedding day. xx
Every Once In a While In The Middle of an Ordinary Life
. . . Love Gives Us a Fairytale. . .
CommentAuthorMrsWright290912
I;m the same Lou.
All your friend can do is be open and honest with this girl and tell her that she feels disappointed in her approach to her big day, that she expected much more from her and as a result feels that her sister would be best placed to do the job. Perhaps she could suggest that the fiend swaps places and becomes a BM instead?
I really did marry my Mr Wright and we had a nice day for a
Wright wedding!
Mexico for our first anniversary
CommentAuthorLulu1388
Ah yeh true. I guess that could be an option. I don't know if she has decided on a replacement as it were, but its definitely a good suggestion, knew you'd be able to come back with some good advice! Will report back to her when got a few more ladies tips/advice/opinions! xx
Every Once In a While In The Middle of an Ordinary Life
. . . Love Gives Us a Fairytale. . .
i think she should definately sit down with her friend over coffee or wine etc and have a really good chat and catch up. See if her friend says anything in regards to anything going on in her life. Then bring up the wedding herself and tell her friend how the plans are going and gage what her friend says. Depending on the outcome then she could gently but truthfully tell her friend she is no longer moh for xyz reason.
xx
CommentAuthorLulu1388
Thats the problem...even arranging to meet up on a 'regular' catch up takes months of organising on her behalf...her friend never makes the move or makes any effort to communicate with her. its not like the wedding is in a couple of months so the friend doesnt want to intrude or anything.but even so as MOH you'd expect a little more effort wouldnt you?
x
Every Once In a While In The Middle of an Ordinary Life
. . . Love Gives Us a Fairytale. . .
CommentAuthorMrsLJDeaton
Just get your friend to tell her MOH the truth how she is uninterested and does not ask about the wedding doesn't even try to get involved and as a MOH your meant to be the Brides wing woman your meant to be there with the bride through every step helping sort the wedding out and she is not doing what she is meant to do and if her future sister in law is helping more and wants to help and cares then she should be given the role of MOH give it t someone more deserving =D ♥ X
Started going out 23.10.2010 met at Barnet college
Engaged 23.08.2012 In Turkey Our 1st Holiday Together
To be Mrs Lana Jocelyn Deaton on 23.10.2015 5 years the day
Jamiroquai Arthur Gordon Deaton Born 29/05/2015 My Son Jammy
CommentAuthorFionaR41
if she really is a friend then she would want to be there for your friend. one way round it would be for her to tell her that noone is to be a MOH and can all be a BM. i decided that all 7 of my BM's should be just that - BM, so that no one felt over looked. My eldest daughter told me too she didnt want that role as she would be looking after her 3 children so my youngest said she would so it, but i think she will be hoping the others will help her, but really there wont be too much for her to do.
It's taken a while to find my Prince
13th May 2011 we met, 26th May 2012 we got engaged
30th August 2014 we say "I do".
CommentAuthorMrsC.Wade2B
I was in the same situation with my Moh I was getting stick because of her age being 59 this year and also not being that interested (prior to my date change) the ladies on here advised me and although I was worried because she is a close friend I had to bite the bullet and explain that I was getting stick from friends and family with regards to her age and I felt like she was only interested when it suited her and that I wasn't happy, so was reconsidering her role, she said she was not happy that people were saying stuff about her but if it was what I wanted then she would step down but for me and no one else... I then gave her the role of witness instead as still wanted her involved with the day xx
Tomorrow is never promised to anyone, So Dance until your
feet ache, Laugh until your side hurts,
Say I Love You to those you love
For tomorrow may never come x
CommentAuthorLulu1388
Thanks for the advice ladies, ill be sure to pass it on xx
Every Once In a While In The Middle of an Ordinary Life
. . . Love Gives Us a Fairytale. . .
