To cut this story short i've given most of the detail in the topic box.
Basically, I can't stand my friends partner, he's the most... well i'll just say ARGGHHHHH type person to save using any stronger language. So I sent out all my invites, so I address her invite, to just her, Just her name on the envelope, and just her name inside. Hoping she'd realise the invite was meant for the named person on it!!
So today, I receive her RSVP saying, (Insert partners name) and I would love to come, we're really looking forward to it.
Firstly fuming that she has just assumed he's invited, even though the invite did not mention him at all. I mean it was only a few years ago she got married, so she should know not to just add people!
Secondly, I now need to break it to her that he's not invited, without trying to offend her too much. I came very close to ringing her the second I got the RSVP, saying how little I wanted him to be part of my day, and how rude she was for just assuming he could come. But i've held back until I could ask for advice and calm down a bit.
And just to confirm, there is no compromise with it, he is NOT coming, end of. I have never liked him, I even begged my friend not to marry him, and I know he's not right for her. He's just such a **&&^%&$£^**&$£^&*%$£&@%*( and the rest.
Any advice would be appreciated thanks in advance xx
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Oh hun .............deep breath!
Right, there is no compromise. So you calmly call her up and apologise that she misunderstood but that you have had to be careful with the guest list due to numbers limit/budget/want it to be a small intimate wedding with just close family and special friends. You may need to be prepared for her to say she doesn't want to come but if she is a true friend she will understand your explanation and come minus hubby. Have you invited others with their OH's? Will she know others at the wedding? These things are likely to influence her reaction to your news.
xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorMrs brown - 19/08/12
Oh god! I remember this problem with my sisters husband! I wont even get started on him..
I would just be honist with her if shes a true friend to you she will understand! At the end of the day its your wedding you should have who you want there x
CommentAuthorXbox widow
You may have to sacrifice your friend not coming if she cant bring her husband, I know I would'nt go to a wedding without my h2b and if I felt he was that unwelcome I would'nt want to go myself. I dont know why you hate him so much I'm sure you have your reasons but how would you feel if the situation was the other way round. Does she realise how strongly you feel about it? maybe not if she's just blaytantly ignored that his name is not on the invite.
CommentAuthorInDreamland
edited
Hmmmmmm just made me think .............got an FB invite to a family friends baby's Christening ......I just presumed H2B is invited too :/
It's an easy mistake to make because you always presume your significant other is invited to any big events along with you xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
I agree with Xbox widow - I wouldn't go to anyone's wedding, even a close friend, if my husband wasn't invited. After all, she is married to this man and has been for a few years. I know you don't like him - but be prepared for her not to come to your wedding if he isn't invited. And try putting yourself in her position. Would you go to something she'd organised if you couldn't take your h2b?
Personally I know as I've got older friends come and go but your husband is for life so I can see why she thought he was invited.
CommentAuthorOWB
I'm with you on this, my bridesmaids husband of 7 years isn't invited. I told her straight, "he's a lieing cheating scumbag (he was recently outed as having a 3 year long affair, and once hit on me!) and I can't stand him, therefore I don't want him taking up a valuable space at my wedding". She's fine about it, it didn't really come as a surprise. We've been friends for 20 years, so I can be completely blunt but if you don't have this sort of relationship then just gently say that you simply don't have the space for him.
If only life could be one long tea break
CommentAuthorkrisw86
I have been planning my guest list on " if we dont like them, regardless of who it is, they aint invited" i haven't invited alot of people due to it, mostly fmaily members we cant stand. people dont automatically have a right to attend someone's wedding cos their spouse is invited. its just plain rude. h2b's cousin was invited with her daughter, didnt know about her partner at the time invites went out. but she asked in advance if he was able to come, and cos there was a seat available at her table, we said yes. but if it was someone that we really hated, then i would rather the person invited didnt come if she wouldnt without her oh. stick to ur guns hun xxx
ps, this is likely to be a split one x
CommentAuthorXbox widow
Just wondering krisw86 have you ever met h2b's cousins partner? Its just with you saying you did'nt know about him when you sent your invites out.
CommentAuthorkrisw86
only once briefly at a family member's funeral last summer but she'll be at the end of her pregnancy, and after suffer serious complications with her daughter, we thought it best he stays with her to make sure he can rush her off to hospital should she need to go. he seemed quiet and very much to himself tho. so shouldnt be a problem
CommentAuthorXbox widow
Yes I think you are right under the circumstances she will need him with her in that case.
CommentAuthorShirleygirly
I can see both sides on this one. I really don't want to invite my cousins boyfriend because he is a beepin beep and I've even sought advice on here because I didn't know if I was being too harsh. My cousin seemed to understand so no probs. all my prayers were answered a few weeks ago when they split for the 10th time officially (on Facebook). Now they are back together again and he is apparently a reformed character ( I'll believe it when I see it), she keeps assuming that he is invited to everything and people keep telling her no. Now my problem is that I know it's hurting her and I'd never do anything to hurt her as I love her dearly. She's my cbm and I would hate her to feel lonely on my big day so I'll have to invite him. H2b has said any sign of trouble and a couple of his mates will throw him in a taxi.
So I can understand you not inviting him and applaud you for standing your ground but one thing you will have to prepare yourself for is that she may not want to come sans man. I know I wouldn't go anywhere if Gaz wasn't invited and that's another reason why I have relented but the difference is that Gaz is awesome and doesn't upset anybody.
I would speak to her and explain that you've always made your feelings clear about her hubby and that you purposely only put her name on the invite because he wasn't invited and take it from there. I wish there was an easy answer for you Hun but there ain't.
As the date gets closer I want remove loads of people from the guest list for being bleeps.
I can't wait until 29/06/2013
The day I marry the man of my dreams!
CommentAuthorXbox widow
I think this is the reason people go off and get married abroad to avoid this problem.
CommentAuthorCatrinaP
i got the same problem i dont like the bestmans wife but he is h2b best mate and he wont come without her so i have decided let her come she can sit at the far end of the room i wont have to see her and wont need to speak to her x
CommentAuthorHa_x3
This is a tough one, I understand you can't stand this bloke but how much do you want your friend to be a part of your big day? I mean she is likely to not bother if her partner isn't invited! I wouldn't attend a wedding without my husband so its defo a difficult situation hun but if there's no compramise I would tell her sooner rather than later xx
Mrs Lunn
08/05/12 was the best day of my life
& I love my husband with all my heart xxxx
CommentAuthorMrs Cerutti2b
Cheers everyone, and I can see both sides of it, but we've not invited allot of people to the wedding as it would cause conflicts, as they are all people who like to speak their minds, and upset/annoy people. This even includes my own brother, as he's upset so many people in the family, who I want to be there more.
I feel like she'll still come without him, as she knows many people there, we've been friends since we were 10, so nearly 15 years now, I was CBM at her wedding, and I was told I was not allowed a plus1 for her wedding. Which really upset me, as my B/F at the time (been together 4 years) was also one of her friends, and had been for 7 years! This is why I thought she'd understand a bit more that if I invite just her, the invite it meant for just her. I feel as though if she'd asked, I might have given in and said ok, as we've had a few people ask if they can bring their partners etc. But the fact that she just assumed annoyed me.
I think i'll just be honest with her, in a polite way, stating that only her name was on the invite, and hope you are still ok to come. Its not even as though she would have to stay in a room on her own or find a hotel by herself etc, her parents live 20 mins up the road from our venue!!
Right time to make the call, wish me luck xx
CommentAuthorHa_x3
Ooooo good luck & let us know how you get on xx
Mrs Lunn
08/05/12 was the best day of my life
& I love my husband with all my heart xxxx
CommentAuthorMorgsysGirl(kempy)
Good luck hun let us know how it goes. I would say as im sure you understand from when you got married it isnt always possible to invite peoples partners aswell. I really want you there and hope you can understand. (maybe invite him to evening to keep her happy but not the day guests) x
Married my soul mate 22-6-2012
Conceived baby 3 on our wedding day!
Due 15-3-2013 baby will join our two other beauties!
So glad I'm finally a Morgan!
CommentAuthorXbox widow
If you were'nt allowed to take your partner to hers then that throws a whole new light on it, stick to your guns and say she would'nt allow you a plus one and your budget just wont allow for it, good luck x
CommentAuthorInDreamland
I agree with Xbox widow. Good luck and let us know how it goes hun xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorMrs Davro
Good luck hun.
I think this is a good reason for online rsvp. If the name isn't there its obvious.
CommentAuthorSaraC1
if u dont want him there u really need to tell her
CommentAuthorbex
oh dear good luck eek
marrying the man of my dreams
we have 2 perfect children together
the day i become mrs clifford can't come quick enough
26/08/2013 :-)
CommentAuthorStaceyP91
Hope the phone call went ok.... Its a hard situation but can understand why your annoyed! People dont realise +1's is money too you that you have to pay in some circumstances either!
xxx
30-11-13 my life becomes complete
Mrs Solomon to be
CommentAuthorMrs Cerutti2b
Sorry for the delay, not been on for ages, busy wedding season at work, so no rest for little me at the moment.
It went really well, she totally understood, and is still coming. She said she knows how expensive weddings can be, so doesn't mind. Although now she's been very understanding i'm feeling a bit guilty. Typical heh? I did say once i've got back all the RSVPs if there is enough space/money left in the budget, he can come to the evening, but i'll keep her posted.
Thanks everyone for the advice, been really helpful, and made me see the situation from both sides. And helped me sort it out without extra stress xxx
