Me and H2B had decided not to have a night time buffet as we will not be having any extra guests at night, and dinner will only be over at 6.30 or so. My dad decided we should have a buffet and when told we didn't want one, he said I didn't listen and started a huge fight where he said he wasn't coming.

He said sorry about that and I let it go. On Sunday there we went to visit our venue to make sure we wanted that one before booking it. In the place my dad asked about top hats, and I said we weren't having them (Adam said he might wear one, he's not sure but it would only be him) my dad said if one does they all have to, when told we didn't want him to he started saying "I'm getting one anyway" and kept going on. Same sort of thing about a car discussion.

So at this point I've gave him, I'm not talking to him about the wedding any more, as long as Adam and me are happy with what we pick then it will be fine. Today he started about the buffet again and I said "no we don't want one" he said "I'm getting it anyway" because he's paying for the reception. This caused another fight and he said again that he wasn't coming.

I stopped talking to him and went to town. When I came back my mum sat me down and said me saying no all the time hurts him, when I tried to explain she said I was in the wrong. I'm now not talking to either of them. Adam is on holiday until Monday with his friends, I just wish he was here to talk about this with. Am I being unreasonable? and also I can't imagine my wedding without my dad but I want to tell him he's not coming just to have a break, and so he can't say that again as it's so hurtful.. I'm not going to say that though.

My dad isn't great with money, even with the best intentions. I am aware he will pay for most of it but in the end we will have to pay the final bit, I didn't say this to him as he is being nice and will just say he will pay it all. He doesn't have much money coming in and is an awful saver. So by letting him have it means that we will end up paying for it. and it won't be ate really, if all the guests finish a big three course dinner and then wedding cake, and having a sweetie table later on. Just too much food, and a total waste in my opinion.

Its so annoying as Adam doesn't want it either. He is being so selfish! I know the money is so kind of him but in the end it's not his wedding, and he did his wedding the way he wanted it and didn't let my mum have a say and she says she hated her wedding day.

to pay it ourselfs we would need to move it to another year away as we just don't have the money. My brother has no idea what's going on and he even said to me the other day that the most important advice he can give me is to please me and Adam that's all, everyone else will have a good time too if we just do our way and to not listen to my dad :(

Not a very nice situation to be. Have you handled the finances conversation with oyur dad? Like how exactly he is paying for it if his situation is as you believe it to be? He may have secretly been saving for years, you don't know really do you? Id suggest having a calm conversation with him. And if he still fails to agree, tell him where to go. No don't do that, but you do need to have a good talk with him. And I don't advocate getting into debt for a wedding, but if you have afamily member you can borrow the money of interest/guilt free, maybe do that?

Thanks everyone. I agree that he is doing it for my best but I'd rather have the wedding I want with no debt than to get into debt on things that I don't even want. Sadly I don't anyone who could help me if he doesn't pay for the reception. When we had the first fight he came to me to talk and he agreed to listen to what I want as long as I listen to him, but he never did his end of the bargain, I'd listen then say what i think and he'd be all "well you have to" so I don't see the point in entertaining him pretending it's okay.

He has no savings at all. He still owes me money that he borrowed from me, and he's paying for my dress since it ended up only £199 which he hasn't gave me yet. That day he started telling me I need a tiara and he'd get it, but I'm using one my grandmother got me before she passed away last year. He doesn't even understand that. I just don't know what to say to him, otherwise it'll be a talk to fix it, a fight, a talk ect.. until the wedding and I'm stressed enough. I can't just give him the buffet to keep him happy as he has his own ideas on EVERYTHING and seems to think it's his way or the highway. It's like the punishment when I say no to something is "I'm not going" he's like a child. I don't want to hurt him but I can't stay clam all the time and end up shouting at him.

Why don't you offer a compromise over the buffet? You could always ask your venue if they do small bacon and sausage rolls, then these could be brought out at about 10pm. I'm sure they would get eaten as people would have been drinking but it's not as much food as a full buffet.

I agree with you that you won't need lots more food as the meal finishes at 6.30pm - we are having a late meal and no evening buffet but we may still provide cheese & crackers or something like that a bit later on.

why noy suggest that you have something else that he pays for ...... could he do a drink for everyone in the eveing ?
or maybe put on something like a chocolate fountaind and fruit table in the evening

Thanks everyone! Adam gets back tomorrow, so gonna ask him what he thinks.. also show him what you girlys said so maybe he can help deal with my dad and sort it out, hes much calmer then me.

Fingers crossed you get the result you want! x

If your dad is offering to cover the buffet I would have it, but only for say 50% of your guests - it's surprising how hungry you get at a wedding! I was at one a few weeks ago and we finished eating at 5.30pm, completely stuffed with a 3 course meal and canapes earlier - the buffet came out at 9pm and surprisingly there was a queue for it, including me! Once you've had a few drinks and you're partying till the small hours a buffet is really appreciated!

I'm sure it'll be fine once your mum talks to him :) Xx

oh dear families ay! they are such a pain to have sometimes!

but then again some friends aint much easier!

xx