Some of you may remember a post a while ago about my MOH and her Dad and how I gave her a get out back then.
Wel tonight she has called asking would i mind if she travelled down the morning of the wedding instead of the night before.
She lives 2 hours away.
I am livid, upset, dont give a fnck now.
She was really good when we booked the wedding. Around about May she seemed to change and I heardly heard from her. She didn't organise my hen do - i had to do it myself. I arranged it all in July and she came down for the weekend to then go home the saturday afternoon (having arrived friday evening) and not actually attend my hen do.
I got a call about 2 weeks ago - her dad is suspected of having cancer. Ok - I gave her the opportunity to step down and explained I totally understood and would rather she tell me then. Luckily I then asked my 2 friends to be bms for me.
She has called tonight and her dad starts treatment next weds for 3 days. She asked would I mind if she travelled down the morning before, leaving at 8 arriving circa 1030 (we get married at 2).
I had arranged a room for us both the night before and bubbly, a meal out, to use her car as OH is having our car. So I cant take the stuff up the day before, get myself and my stuff up the day before, get to ther hairdressers the morning of the wedding. I will also be up there on my own.
I said I'll call my grandad as he's staying at the venue the night before.
She has text saying she'll def be there for 1030 then saying she'll ask her brother if he can help.
I'm so annoyed but also past caring. She clearly has a lot on her mind, I get that, but I feel so let down by her.
I really did marry my Mr Wright and we had a nice day for a
Wright wedding!
Mexico for our first anniversary
CommentAuthorRosyF77
awww you poor thing. Bit of a hard position to be in I think. I dont know what I would do in your position. Is there anyone else you could have with you the night before? just so your not on your own xxxx
CommentAuthorjocelinetex
i feel sorry for your MOH she must be going though hell and torn with not letting you down and being there for her dad, if i was in your position i would be telling her that you 'get that' her dads sick and if she needs anything your there for her, yes she is your MOH but hopefully you can deligate things to your other BMs, to take the stress off your MOH x
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CommentAuthorSam
edited
:( She's going through so much, but she needed to be honest about what commitments she can keep & those she can't. Is there not someone you could ask to spend the night before with you?
CommentAuthorShirleygirly
Make use of the other 2 bms and take the strain off your moh. I know you've got lots going on with the wedding but at the moment in her eyes her dads treatment trumps your wedding. At least she is going to be there on your day.
There must be someone else who can help you out with the car side of things. Your h2b can drop you off with your stuff the night before and perhaps if one of your other bms can drive you to the hairdressers etc.
Your MOH must be going through hell at the moment. One of my bms got married on 4th August and my dad had his prostate removed on 3rd following a cancer diagnosis. I was really worried that I wouldn't be able to make it to her wedding because I was really upset for my dad and desperate to know if the op had been a success. Thankfully I made but my mind was elsewhere and I ended up quite squiffy.
Make sure you take lots of deep breaths and get support from h2b, you don't want to say something that will damage your friendship in the long run.
I can't wait until 29/06/2013
The day I marry the man of my dreams!
Sorry but having lost both my parents, I think you need to get off her back. Your wedding might be the most important day for you, but it's only for one day and she obviously has more important things to deal with. She can't help what's happened.
This might sound harsh but I think you are being a little selfish. Maybe be there for her during this time instead of moaning about everything she isn't going to be able to do for your wedding.
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CommentAuthorMrstalbot2b
Sorry but I think your being really selfish here, her dad having treatment for cancer and all your worried how she ment to be doing this and that for you, I think it's great of her to trevel up on the day to be with you shows she still cares and wants to be there for you on your day, My auntie in hospital after having a stroke I had a phone call from my cousin last night to see if I can go Sunday to be with her as he need a break but I got to go church as if got go once a month for 6 months to be able to get married there and this is only sundau my h2b as of work, I got really upset on the phone and felt like I was but my wedding before my auntie but my cousin understood and told me to go its want my auntie would want so I can't believe your mad at you moh for wanting to be with her dad when he need her most but she still coming away from him for a day to be with you,
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CommentAuthorMrsWright290912
I have been there for her thankyou and have told her that if she wanted to styep down she could - I really think she should and should fcus on her Dad.
I'm mad at her for not making a decision to stay with him and also because everything is now up in the air - she said she would be with me 2 weeks ago and now obviously that has changed and I am having to sort everything out again.
I really do think she should step down and be with her Dad but she won't listen. I can't rely on her at the mo because of the way things are and I would rather her just come as a guest.
I really did marry my Mr Wright and we had a nice day for a
Wright wedding!
Mexico for our first anniversary
CommentAuthorKirstyM3690
Maybe shes feels like shes letting you down if she stays with her dad! my mum has had cancer and now in remission Thank God altho at the mnute having some health issues!! If i was you altho its a lil stressful i wouldnt add more stress can someone else stay with you?? xx
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3rd july 2013
Cyprus
CommentAuthornatalie2614
I can see where you're coming from, however your post comes across as quite selfish. She's still making a huge effort by travelling the morning of the wedding, doing the wedding as well as sorting her dad out. She must be exhausted.
Step back and rethink - there must be someone else who can stay with u the night before? Two other BMs? Also, is there anyone else who can help you get things to the venue? If not use your car then give it to h2b once finished? Xx
Married my best friend 05.04.2013
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
sorry hun but with her dad having treatment for cancer that is where her priority lies...
i think her getting there as early as she can should be appaluded not put down
While I understand your frustration, seeing as how she let you down before she even had the news that her dad might have cancer. I think you need to show a bit more patience, the more recent stuff is surely down to her being torn between her obligations to you and to her dad. Of course you told her she can stand down as MOH, you wouldn't want her having all that on her plate, no good friend would. But what i would say is it's obvious that even with your permission she doesnt want to let you down on the most important day of your life so why not, as someone else suggested, delegate her tasks to your other bridesmaids. Have her as MOH in name only, it will take the pressure off both of you and means you can avoid any potential arguements. Let her do what she needs to do so long as shes there on your big day.
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CommentAuthorMrsWright290912
Thanks girls for your words - even if some stung a little!! They made me step back and actually see the big picture.
I think in a cloud of anger/frustration/upset etc I couldnt see what actually really matters here and that she really does want to be with me on my day, albeit planned differently.
I have spoken with her and we have sorted things out. She is going to drive dfown on the morning of the wedding and she also now knows if she needs to leave after the daytime do, I'm happy for her to do this and be with her Dad.
Gosh what an emotional rollercoaster getting married is!!!!
I really did marry my Mr Wright and we had a nice day for a
Wright wedding!
Mexico for our first anniversary
CommentAuthorLauraJo87
Don't feel too bad about it - it's just all the stress of Weddingy things and I'm sure most brides to be will at some point do/say/think things that they wouldn't normally.
I hope the run up to the wedding is stress free and relaxing, try to make some time to pamper yourself!
Six days - less than a week! You must be soooo excited x
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The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
CommentAuthorSam
So glad you found a solution :D
CommentAuthornatalie2614
Glad you managed to sort things, at least she will still be there on the day xx
Married my best friend 05.04.2013
CommentAuthorShazk
Glad U have spoken to her and got a solution im sure ur day will be just fine x x x
Big hugs x x
Away with the flutterbys xxx
CommentAuthorShirleygirly
Ah bless you hun, we all lose it from time to time and I'm glad you've been able to reach a solution. Sometimes when you have put your all into the day for so long you forget that other people don't drop everything for you. I'm sure the week before my wedding I'll be the same. Six days to go! Eeek! x
I can't wait until 29/06/2013
The day I marry the man of my dreams!
CommentAuthorRosyF77
awww thats brilliant. Glad its sorted. Hope you feel alot better now x
CommentAuthorShirleygirly
Ooooh you got married today how exciting! Hopefully at this very moment you are dancing with your husband and all this stress is forgotten.
I can't wait until 29/06/2013
The day I marry the man of my dreams!
