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The Big Day > Hen Nights: I am being selfish

1 to 34 of 34

- CommentAuthornic86
My two bridesmaids are doing a fantastic job in organising my hen do and keeping everything a secret from me! My mum says they are really organised and have lots planned and I cant wait! I still dont know when I will find out where I am going!
Its on 2nd November so not long now and I know something has been going on because my friends have been booking accommodation, anyway one of my bridesmaids told me that I would be sharing a room with the two of them and that's fine, and then randomly I got a text off one of them today saying, just booked your accommodation for the hen do and your sharing with me and becca (bm) and it £41.80 hope that ok? It took me back a little, I wouldn't ever demand it but part of me thought they would sort it.
Now I am not being as spoilt brat here but I organised a hen do last year and asked all the hens put in an extra £10 in to pay for the bride (accommodation, fancy dress. drinks ect) nobody had an issue with it there were 20 of us which meant an extra £200 in the kitty to spoil the bride. Am I being stupid to think that they should have done that for me? I am worried they will be asking for more money closer to the date for the activity and fancy dress possibly?

Without sounding like a moaning cow, I have bought their dresses, shoes, hair combs, jewellery, hair and make up on the day etc.

Of course I will pay and wont let it get to me because by all accounts they are organising an amazing hen do but just felt a little disappointed.
- CommentAuthorNicholaP44
I always thought the hen got everything paid 4?? Ask ur mum if she thinks its normal\/ x x

Marrying "the 1" on 4th Oct 2013
- CommentAuthorShazk
No i totally agree with you and some may say yes u being poilts, moaning etc but I would feel the same and Have also done same as you. When I was BM we paid extra £10 each so bride didnt pay a penny!!!

To be hoenst I think its rude of them not to check the cost of things before booking anyway (yes it ur hen night but ui still have budgets to still to) and if they want you to pay then dont book tehn just assume it ok price!!!!

BIG hugs xxx

Away with the flutterbys xxx
- CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
I would have a word with your mum about it and then get her to speak to the BM's and others about maybe putting some more money in each. It may be the case that they already have but it didn't completely cover your accomodation but means you wont have to pay for anything else. Just have a word with her rather than getting worked up about it, mum's are great at sorting things out! lol xxx

Got together 14.02.2008
Got engaged 31.12.2010
Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
- CommentAuthorgdu
I would pay it as not to cause a fuss but just ask if you will have any other expenses and how much it will be just so you can put the money aside.

It may be that all your other activities/costs have been covered and they thought you wouldn't mind paying accommodation if it meant something else is provided. But if its all a secret its hard to know!

I think asking if you are expected to pay for anything else should be fine - after all everyone knows how strapped for cash people are in the run up to their wedding!

- CommentAuthorSam
  
  edited
Totally agree with gdu. Find out if you will have to cover anything else.
- CommentAuthornic86
Thanks ladies, I have just text her and said I will transfer the money. I have just phoned mum who said not to worry and she wants to pay for my accommodation (love my mum!). She obviously cant really say much but said dont worry, she said she wont have a word but will sort it out (what ever that means!) x
- CommentAuthorTHE nice bridezilla
hi, im sorry i have to disagree, i have organised a few hen do's now and the bride has always paid a bit.

With me and my friends we all have kids and other expenses so have never done anything massive, maybe a show and a meal out and a few drinks after (which we would normally buy the drinks and stuff) but its never just assumbed the bride doesnt have to pay.

my hen do is a an activity weekend away. Im organising it with my bridesmaids but its costing over £200 for the weekend each.
Ok there are over 20 of us going but i wouldnt feel right asking people to come away for a weekend and assuming they will pay.

at the end of the day, its a supposed to be a great night/weekend away. Enjoy it and if you have to spend a bit of money on it for having a great evening then so be it.
- CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
I paid for my accommodation the other week at my hen.

Our wedding day - 6 October 2012
- CommentAuthorbarbie86
On the one hand, it is tradition for the hen/stag to be paid for.

On the other hand, I figure that everyone coming to my hen is going to be forking out already to a) attend by hen and b) attend the wedding and buy a gift. So, I expect to pay for myself; if the girls don't want me to, then I won't push it, but I'm more than happy to pay, and would actually feel more comfortable paying TBH. Esp as what I want to do isn't going to be dirt cheap, I'd feel really uncomfortable being paid for.
- CommentAuthorLauraJo87
It's traditional for the bride to be paid for, particularly if the hens are 'surprising' the bride.

H2b is paying for mine though. I'd check to see if you need to pay for anything else, especially of it is quite a small hen party and it would cost quite a bit than to cover the expenses x

My Beating Heart Belongs To You
30 August 2013

The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
- CommentAuthorMel D
I paid on my hen do ... and I think I paid a bit more than everyone else so that my MOH wasn't out of pocket. I never dreamed that I would be paid for and would never have expected it.

Got married Sat 28/05/2011
Renewing vows Sat 29/05/2021
We're planning WELL in advance!!
- CommentAuthornic86
I thinks its because all of the ones I have been to, I have been more than happy to pay towards the bride, I think it depends on friends and circumstances. I gave the BM's a max budget of £100 as after talking to all my friends that was agreed as a suitable budget. I think as mine is a complete surprise I have no idea where we are going what we are doing or what type of accommodation we are staying in, that's kind of why I though I wouldn't need to pay. Each to their own I suppose but personally I do think its an opportunity for the bride to have a little treat on the girls!
- CommentAuthornic86
And there are 29 going!
- CommentAuthorbarbie86
If you gave them a budget of £100, then it's very possible that they think you will be contributing £100. That's how I personally would interpret that.

I would speak to them if you're really worried about costs and cannot afford it, though at this stage, you might be better to just go with the flow and assume you might be contributing the budget that was set, £100.
- CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
Maybe if that's the case then sneakily say 'oh I thought the hen was paid for'

I did not mind paying for mine, I know my friends could not have afforded to pay out more as well on top of what they were already paying out for.

Our wedding day - 6 October 2012
- CommentAuthornic86
Like I said the past 4 hen do's I have been on the past two years we have all chipped in £5 or £10 towards the bride because we all wanted to. I wanted the bride to feel amazing and special and never would question putting an extra fiver in. I honestly thought it was the norm hence being a little taken back when I got a text asking for money 4 weeks before. I have paid it now and its all fine-just looking forward to it now!
- CommentAuthorlizzylou
It's probably just an over sight, don't let it ruin what should be an amazing time! I'm sure they'll have got you lots of other things to spoil you with instead. Enjoy. x

Lizzy. x
- CommentAuthorHobbitBeth
It obviously is tradition as people say, but like others have also said, problem is sorted and just have a fab time :) sounds like they've got a lot planned for you!

x
- CommentAuthorJo
i didn't even think of this i just presumed i would be paying, i think its a nice thought though if they could have, maybe the surprises they have for you will mean you don't have to pay for much else x
- CommentAuthorMrsSteenie
My hen was a couple of weeks ago and my mum actually gave me money to pay for it the day before, but I didn't actually end up paying for anything!!! Not sure who paid what as they waited until I went out for a cigarette to sort out the bill for the meal etc and people just kept handing me drinks! We also managed to get free entry into 2 clubs. I was prepared to pay my way, but wasn't allowed to!!!!

We dit it!!!!!! 06/10/12
- CommentAuthorAmyP7
I will be paying for myself I would think, and this does not bother me at all. I am also going to organise my own x x
- CommentAuthorLauraJo87
Maybe they have all chipped in for a surprise or something and didn't even think about accommodation? Xx

My Beating Heart Belongs To You
30 August 2013

The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
- CommentAuthorShirleygirly
I wouldn't expect anyone else to pay for me as I know many of my hens are struggling at the moment and I want them to all be there. I had already budgeted for my hen do so when my bm told me there was a £500 deposit to pay for the accomodation I paid it and told her to take it off the cost for everyone else. My h2b thinks I'm crazy but I've been to so many hen party's where people have resented the costs and I don't want anyone to struggle to pay for mine.

If they were only paying in £5-£10 each then it wouldn't be an issue but I would say as the others have suggested that they have possibly chipped in for something else and hadn't factored in accomodation. £41.80 sounds like a good deal and I'm sure you are going to have a mega time.

I can't wait until 29/06/2013
The day I marry the man of my dreams!
- CommentAuthorCarolineW10
Hi

I am paying for my bridesmaids dresses, shoes makeup etc and i will also be paying my share of the hen night. I have been bridesmaid three times and the bride has always paid her part of it. I dont belive that the bride should be paid for, its just too expensive, even if it is just an extra £10 thats £10 that i could be paying a bill with etc. I always felt under pressure to go to hen nights (being the bridesmaid i kinda had to) and we always end up spending alot of money and i just can't afford it. I dont think my friends and family can afford it either. Infact i have told my friends and family i dont want a hen party. Now dont get me wrong im not a miserable so and so i just dont like the pressure it puts on people. Sorry if i have offended anyone!
- CommentAuthorb2bnicola
I honestly didnt realise the bride would get to go free lol ive been budgeting to cover the cost of mine! Id be well chuffed if it was all paid for lol more drinking money!
At least ur mum has sorted it hun :)
x

Happily Married! :) xxx
- CommentAuthorJoanna
I feel bad reading all this now, as i genuinely thought the bride didn't pay lol.
Glad it's all sorted though :) x

The greatest thing you'll ever learn
is just to love and be loved in return
- CommentAuthormillz090
Its definintly not a tradition but something people have started doing. I do not expect my hens to pay for me and will be quite insulted if they are - i dont want people paying for me to drink but would like everyone to pay fairly for themselves. My H2B will be doing the same with the stags - paying for himself as i think its really rude to expect to be paid for !! Sorry if thats offended anyone but you have chosen to get married so you should be paying for it and yes they will be happy to help you celebrate but also paying for enough other things, wedding outfit, hotel maybe, wedding present, petrol, etc so you should be paying for yourself xxx

Finally marrying the love of my life !!
10th August 2013 - 9 years to the day we met !
- CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
I don't think the bride should pay.....I'm paying for my 2 friends at their hen do's x

Ill marry my hero
- CommentAuthorSarahR582
I've never known the bride to pay towards her hen do, every one I've been on we've all covered the cost!
I could be wrong but I assume I'm not paying for mine either.
I suppose it depends on people's situations and what they are used to doing though xx
- CommentAuthorElle23
My girls (18 of them) have all paid an extra £10 to cover my cost
They all insisted and would not take no for an answer!!!
I did not like it at first but if they did not want to do it, they wouldn't of
Not only did it pay for my place on the hen do, It has started off a kitty so we can all have the first round or two for free as such!

I think if there was any part that I had to contribute to, I definately would but would prefer to know in advance x

To be wed on our 10 year anniversary! 23.08.2013
- CommentAuthorPrincess2be
I don't know mcuh about this but i personally wouldn't expect my bms to pay mine.
x
- CommentAuthorsuzky123
we all; paid for others if it was something simple like a meal but I paid for my own accomodation, meals etc when we went to York for mine. They did buy me a fancy dress outfit tho

cant wait to be Mrs Evans less than 3 weeks woooo
start weight 10st 1.5 lbs
weight now 8st 4.5 lbs
total loss to date: 24.5 lbs now need to maintain!
- CommentAuthornic86
wow bit of a reaction! I think it really does depend on situations your past experiences and friends. I would never expect them to pay for my drinks on the night or anything that I chose to do, it was just because i have no idea and its a surprise. You wouldn't be asked to pay for a surprise birthday party! I dont think its bad to ask people to contribute £5 especially as I have done it with all other hen parties. I now know that the total balance each of the girls had paid is £72 which includes accommodation, 'fun transport', fancy dress, food, some drinks, accessories and activities for the weekend! To be honest I think that bloody fantastic and the girls have done well. Everyone has know the date since January so there has been plenty of notice for saving. I have also found out that my future husband is having his stag do completely paid for and theirs is £199!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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