So today I got a message from the best man outlining his stag do plans to check if my OH would like them.
It was to go go karting, paint balling, and then on to a club.
I replied saying go karting paint balling, great ideas, but my OH absolutely hated clubbing and had only been once in his entire life. He responded to me saying 'not that kind of club'. So of course I said that I do not agree with him taking my oh to some lap/pole 'gentlemens' type club because quite honestly I find them offensive.
however neurotic and sad that sounds I just can't see why getting married makes it ok to do this kind of 'activity' and sit around lusting over half naked strangers. I wouldn't put up with my oh flirting with other women at a party or something so why this?
I indicated that perhaps they could go for drinks/food after and then carry on here at my house as it will be empty. The best man was respectful and understanding and but seemed a bit bewildered at my reaction.
What are your thoughts on these places? Am I being awful by telling the best man off and ruining their fun? I can't see my oh relishing the thought of me ogling some naked waiter or male stripper and the thought makes me cringe anyway lol.
eru, shiteiru ka? shinigami wa ringo shika tabenai?
^_^
CommentAuthorxxRosiexx
I also don't Understand the attraction to this kind of 'entertainment' or why getting married suddenly makes it acceptable. However I think if that is what they want to do you shouldn't really have a problem with it. I knew full well that my OH would be going to a strip club purely because it seems to be the done thing, despite the fact that he is really quite shy and finds it all a bit uncomfortable. At the end of the day though this is probably the one time they will do it, if you trust your man enough to marry them I can't see why it should be a problem, especially if you know it isn't his kind of thing. I think it is a male ego thing, have to be a typical man for one night so they aren't seen as wusses by their friends or something, they are more for the other guys going anyway in my experience. I think it should be up to your OH if he does or doesn't want to go. I don't agree with them or see the attraction in anyway shape or form but if he is ok with it then I don't think you should let it upset you. It is probably his Best man that really wants to go anyway so you haven't got anything to worry about.
22-09-2012 I marry my best friend.
CommentAuthorMrsA2B
I absolutely hate those types of places. I think they are degrading to women and would hate for my oh to spend his 'last night of freedom' oggling other women. I totally agree with you and think you have every right. Its supposed to be a time to celebrate the fact that he is getting married. xx
Known each other all my life....
Can't wait til I am called your wife...
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CommentAuthorOWB
I have no problem with strip clubs/lap dancing clubs. The girls there earn more than I do and they choose to do it, so I don't find it degrading to them. It's often students that do it as it fits around their studies, or mum's who can juggle it around their partners 9-5. I love watching pole dancers - it's such an art form.
Can you ask your partner how he feels about going? It may be that he's genuinely hate the thought of it in which case you've done the right thing. What if he genuinely wants to go though?
If only life could be one long tea break
CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs M
completely agree that form of club is not acceptable my OH has never been to one and the fact that he is getting married is not an excuse to go
you are not being a Bridezilla you are just respectfully asking that your Best Man doesn't take him there and that he doesn't end up doing things that your OH won't want to do
8th September 2012 I married my best friend
1st September 2014 our little family grew by one
Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde
I have to admit that the only rule for our hen/stag do's was that there was to be some form of nakedness from a person of the opposite gender!
Got married Sat 28/05/2011
Renewing vows Sat 29/05/2021
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CommentAuthorHeather
My h2b knows my thoughts on these kind of places and he know I'd be really upset if he went to one. I know he has promised me he won't. But I totally agree with you I don't like the idea of men going to places like this when they are in a happy long term relationship
CommentAuthorx~Hails~x
No shooting me But they are men to men stag = strippers!!!
I myself have had two strippers "perform" for me and found them both very funny to be honest lol the first was for my 18th and was an old man (50ish and not very nice AT all lol ewwww) so I was surprised with my second for my hen night a few months later and my oh my was he HOTTTTTT lol and I got to rub oil into his arms and chest! But that was it, he was doing a job at the end of the day and after talking to him afterwards I found out it was actually putting him through med school and he had a wife and twins at home :-) he stayed for a few drinks with us as well hehehe Thats my view of them they are doing a job, dancing basically that pays extremly well so they can support familys or put themselves through school so why not? Ive also gone to watch the chippendales perform when I was 9 months pregnant no less with the girls in my family!
H2B hates them but if he had one then I wouldnt mind as I trust him completly!
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For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart
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CommentAuthorKelly
Everyone is different i think, If you really are agaisnt the idea of the "club" then maybe you need to speak to OH and see how he feels about it, if he agrees then speak with the best man. I personally do not find these places degrading, its a job for some people and if that what they want to do, carry on... its their choice to work there and most are struggly students i would have though.
CommentAuthorVickie
edited
My OH is not into this type of thing but it wouldn't bother me if he did go for his stag. I don't find the places degrading to women, they choose to be there and earn good money from it. I trust OH completely, at the end of the day he is coming back to you and marrying you. He can look but not touch. I would be more worried if they went to a strip club without telling you about me about it, as then they are lying to you about it, when you start lying to each other that's when the trust goes. My mum has always told me about it. My dad goes several times a year with work, doesn't enjoy it but he's entertaining clients. He tell my mum and she is cool with it. My dad has travelled around the world and doesn't wear a wedding ring so his colleagues have put him in a few dodgy positions in clubs like this, he just walks out. My parents have meed married for 35 yrs.
Even though you may not agree with it but its his stag, if that's what they are choosing to do then so be it. xx
CommentAuthorKellyD
i agree with kelly you need to talk to your other half. i personally dont like them because im jealous basically lol sounds daft but i have low self esteem about myself so i joined a gym to do something about it. anyways i know my other half doesnt like them either as he gets embarrassed easily and has decided that he is going paintballing for the day. his brothers his bestman and he knows how we both feel as were really close so hes ok with it too. only way you'll sort it out is if you talk to him xx
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CommentAuthorBobsi
I dont like the idea of OH half going to a strip club, but I am 100% sure that the stag do will go that way. I dont understand why getting married seems to make it ok but i no its just one of those things. i might not be happy but its only a few hours one night.
xx
Got together June 11th 2006
Getting married June 11th 2014
8 years to the day and I'll be Mrs T.
CommentAuthorweemindyxx
think i might get shot here aswell,
I have told my oh that i dont mind all that, as long as he comes home,i cant spend a night without him i miss him to much lol (sad i know) but i would rather he was upfront with me, 4 years ago he went on a stag and was telling me all about the groom paying for private dances etc but he also told me not to say anything as the bride didnt know about it, its his last night of freedom and the only time he will ever get away with anything like that as long as he doesnt lie to me.
my hen do consists of a spa day followed by a cocktail master class then a get ready party at my sisters (burlesque theme) and our drinks and food will be served to us by bare bumed butlers lol.xx
future Mrs Cole
Soulmates, 2 halves of the same soul
Joining together in lives journey.
CommentAuthorkittycat84
I really do think this should be something you speak to your OH about. I have no problems with strip clubs etc and would have no problems with him going to one, therefor there would be no need to ask. But it is slightly unfair that you are saying no before speaking to him about it first.xx
CommentAuthorMrsowen2b
i wouldnt ever have this problem, me and h2b are extremely open with each other and i know all about his previous encounters with dancers and other services.
He also openly admits that he doesnt see the point in going and getting all "horned" up (his words) and not having done by it! haha!! so he would rather not go and waste his money and be frustrated.
however i know alot of his friends plan on taking him out and he has point bank turned round and told them his stag do will involve 2 nights fishing by the lake with bbq and beers nothing else! the reason for this is that he is past the whole strippers and lap dances etc so i am safe knowing he isnt going to be going to one on his own free will.
However if they were to take him i would be slightly intrigued as to what he thought about the women there etc etc and not jealous or anything other that intrigued as he swears he doesnt like the places.
IF however your h2b isnt sure whether he wants to go and youve told him he cant will he do it anyway because the lads might say "under the thumb" or whatever?
i agree with vickie although its taken me a long time to deal with insecurities as his ex fiancée was like something out of a magazine and i felt like i couldnt compete with her but now i think well he comes home to me, he is marrying me if he wants to oggle and get himself frustrated then silly him haha!
dont let it get to you too much hun, although i dont understand why they always go on stags to be honest haha!
xx
CommentAuthorTsukijin
If I found out he'd had a private dance I wouldn't actually forgive it. But he doesn't like those places anyway. I showed him the message, he doesn't want to go and neither does the other groomsman who is in a long term. The best man really wants to, but he's single it's not an issue for him lol
eru, shiteiru ka? shinigami wa ringo shika tabenai?
^_^
CommentAuthorOWB
If he doesn't want to go, then it sounds like you've helped him out of a potential run in between friends on the stag do.
If only life could be one long tea break
CommentAuthorInDreamland
H2B knows I cannot stand strip/pole dancing clubs, I personally don't agree with them and feel that should he and his friend (the majority are married or long term relationships with kids) if they went somewhere like that it'd be disrespectful to me and alll the other WAGS. Therefore I've made my feelings even clearer on the subject and hope that h2b and his bestman respect that, I trust h2b to not ho, unfortunately one of his ushers likes these places and has been known on pervious stag do's to spend a lot of money in them!
I will be very hurt and upset if h2b's stag involves any activity that involves women so I definitely don't think you are being a bridezilla xxx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorMrsowen2b
i agree with OWB if he really doesnt want to go then youve saved him alot of hassle on the night, sounds like the best man wants to use the stag do as an excuse to go himself.
xx
CommentAuthorphoebee
My H2B thinks that strippers are people who have no self respect and he ain't into that sort of thing. We aren't having a hen and stag do, his best man has just organized for us to go and have a BBQ weekend with him, his wife and their 2 kids as we have kids ourselves. Yes there will be drinking but not a lot while kids are up might drink a bit more once kids are in bed. X
Personally I have no problem with strip clubs or my oh going there on his stag. But if you're not happy with him going you need to talk to him, not just tell the groomsman no. And if he doesn't want to go then the groomsman can't force him :) Xx
CommentAuthorHa_x3
I think this is a difficult one because i wouldnt want to ruin my hubbys stag (not that he had one lol) but i would begin to feel very insecure knowing he had been oogling over other women who are bound to be pretty & sinny etc xx
Mrs Lunn
08/05/12 was the best day of my life
& I love my husband with all my heart xxxx
CommentAuthorJacquirose
My H2B had 5 nights in Amsterdam on his stag! And I had no problem with it at all - we all know whats Amsterdams like?? 100% trust him - not a problem! If ur OH doesnt want to go and its not 'his thing' problem solved. Just email the organiser explaining that. Happy Wife - Happy Life! ;)
CommentAuthorMrsKisywisy
i don't mind them and i fully expect my h2b to be taken to one on his stag do. i wish i was there to watch him squirm haha!! one of my friends didn't 'let' her husband go to one on his stag do and i totally disagreed with it.
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13/09/2012 in Peyia Town Hall, Cyprus
CommentAuthorMrsKisywisy
oh and we're having a naked butler at my hen and i fully intend to rub, spank etc if my h2b had a problem with it, i'd tell him to get over it. i would never ask him not to do something like that and i wouldn't expect him to ask me not to do it either. i have enough respect for him to make his own decisions and dito for him to me.
I'M MARRIED!!!
I am now Mrs Bananaman!!!!
13/09/2012 in Peyia Town Hall, Cyprus
CommentAuthorkrissy905
to be honest its not my cup of tea but if h2b wanted to go to one then it would be his choice to make. I'm pretty sure my ex went to them several times on nights out with his squaddie mates though i didn't ask about it. h2b isn't really into things like that as of this morning he still isn't wanting a stag night even if it was a takeaway and a night in with his brothers and i know he wouldn't set foot in one of those places.i don't see it as exploitation if its the womens choice to work there if its one of the seedier ones were the women are all shipped in from a broad i think thats a different matter though xx
CommentAuthorloustew2012
i asked h2b what he thought and he said he wouldnt go to one, hes happy to go bowling and for a meal and a few drinks. although i know deepdown he wanted to do the skidpan but as my brother has epliepsy he couldnt leave him out so decided not to bother and go bowling instead.
as for you being a bridezilla, no way. personally i see it as you know what your h2b doesnt like and although the best man has been respectful to ask i dont see any issues with not wanting to go. xx
All the ways of my life id rather be with you.
Theres no way without you.
10.11.12
CommentAuthorObsidian_Winter
H2B knows now I feel, basically if he wants to go then that is his decision. As long as there is that look but don't touch policy that others have mentioned then I'm not fussed.
CommentAuthorxbeckix88
My h2b is off abroad for his stag do and i know theyre going into a strip club and i dont really have a problem with it. As long as its look but no touching.
CommentAuthorTsukijin
Well, he's 23 so I've got no right to say NO you are NOT "allowed" to go , as I'm not his mother and have no place telling a grown man what he can and cannot do but I made it clear that I would rather not know if he did go because I loathe that kind of thing, but he says he doesn't want to go anyway because the other groomsmans OH has forbade him to go and he wasn't interested either anyway lol so she has done the dirty work for me. The best man seems content in the knowledge that he will get to see nice single ladies at the wedding lol.
eru, shiteiru ka? shinigami wa ringo shika tabenai?
^_^
CommentAuthorMorgsysGirl(kempy)
This topic is always one of them things that gets everyones opinions and I like how it hasnt turned into an argument on here like most things do atm...
I respect everyones opinions on this but mine personally is I wouldnt care even now we are married if hubby decided to go with mates for whatever reason I wouldnt have a problem with it as long as he was honest from the begining and tells me where hes going before he goes... If however he went and I found out after that he knew he was going and he kept it from me on purpose that would be different. After the numerous things I've been through Adam is the one person I trust implicitly and always will. At the end of the night it'll be me he's holding x
Married my soul mate 22-6-2012
Conceived baby 3 on our wedding day!
Due 15-3-2013 baby will join our two other beauties!
So glad I'm finally a Morgan!
CommentAuthorTsukijin
I'm glad too coz I didn't intend for it to turn into a fight! :D I was just curious as to whether my opinion of these establishments is a bit off! Everyone has made valid points and it seems most people would be ok with this so I guess I'm just a little old lol
eru, shiteiru ka? shinigami wa ringo shika tabenai?
^_^
CommentAuthorMorgsysGirl(kempy)
no hun, your not its your opinion and if your h2b did want to go which he doesnt as long as he respected your opinion thats what would have counted!
x
Married my soul mate 22-6-2012
Conceived baby 3 on our wedding day!
Due 15-3-2013 baby will join our two other beauties!
So glad I'm finally a Morgan!
