This is going to be a little confusing so stay with me!
So, H2B's little sister lives with her dad and his new wife, h2b's mum hates her ex husband and his wife even though she has never met her. so h2b's little sister is being driven from Scotland to North Wales by her dad to make sure she is at our wedding, I want to invite her dad and his wife to the whole wedding but know there will be a massive kick off an tantrum with h2b's mum if I were to do this. SO, I have decided to invite them to the evening reception and say that they are more than welcome to come to the church and watch the ceremony if they want. I want to put a letter in with the invite explaining that I wanted them at the whole thing but need to keep the peace so that is why they are only invited to the evening but how do I word this so it sounds polite? Everytime I write anything out it sounds like I am being nasty towards his mum and I don't want to do that.
CommentAuthorbrilly
I would just state in your note hun,
We would loved you to come share our day with us but understand if your not comfortable given the relationship with ************ your ex wife. We don't want any friction on our big day so we fully understand if you do not want to participate in the morning ceremony but there is room in the church for you to feel free to join us.
Also please find enclosed your evening invite.
maybe something along those lines hun x
31st August 2013 I became Mrs Carrick
Cant wait to do it all over again in 2018
CommentAuthorSazzell23
Hmmm its tricky hun, I would forget about doing a letter and give them a ring saying you are putting the invite in the post and explaining why its not to the whole day. I just personally think that letters dont always get things across in the tone that you want and people can take them the wrong way. I think its better to speak to them on the phone OR invite them to the whole day and tell MIL its what you really want and she can tantrum all she likes xx
CommentAuthorbrilly
xx
31st August 2013 I became Mrs Carrick
Cant wait to do it all over again in 2018
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Sazzell, couldn't say it better myself xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
I definitely agree with phoning rather than writing; it's more personal, and there's less chance of it coming across wrong.
CommentAuthorEllenH27
This is something that really bothers me and makes me appreciate that fact my parents are still married! surely ur H2b's mum can be civil enough for one day after all it is her son! Have you tried talking to her and explaining how much it means to your H2b to have both his parents at his wedding? or Invite dad and sister to whole wedding a just new-wife to evening? Really difficult, really don't envy you in this situation. x
CommentAuthorKarenP75
I don't see why your h2b's father can't be there cause of the mum. I understand your reasoning as you don't want anything to kick off, but his father has as much right to be there as his mother. I would be saying to the mother if you can't be civil to him and his new wife for the sake of her son she is the one that will not be invited!
Does the father act the same way as the mother? Or is he decent and have more respect for his son and you to be civil on the day?
If it was me I would say to her, it's not fair the father misses out cause of his ex who obviously still has bitter feelings.
The bottom line is if they both respect you and your h2b they will all be able to go and be civil for the day!
I know it is easy for others to say as we are not in the situation. Think how you would feel personally if it happened to you, you didn't get invited to something or only bits of it at the risk of someone else kicking off.
Give your fil2b a call and see how he feels about it. How is your h2b feeling about it all? Is he happy with what the plans are at the moment or would he rather have both his parents there?
CommentAuthorJenniferY90
Sorry, I didn't explain very well, this is H2B's step dad or rather ex step dad, not actual father. H2B has always stayed in contact with him because of his little sister. When his mum found out that we were going to his step dads wedding last year she called us all traitors and refused to speak to us for about a month afterwards! H2B wants his step dad to be there in some form as he is driving his little sister all the way down from Edinburgh but is also concerned about his mum kicking off and spoiling the day for us both. Step dad is a lovely man and his wife (as much as I know) is also very nice indeed so there would be no problem on their side, but his mum could cause enough problems to ruin the whole day.
CommentAuthorShazk
Ok sorry if H"B wants his step dad ex or not at his big day then you invite him and I would be sitting mum down and telling ehr that she either likes it or doesnt come
Sorry that bit blunt but its u and h2b day and yes mum may ot like ex partner but he wa spart of h2b live and if he wants him there then mum has no say in it and if she cant behave for 1 day for her sona nd u then its her problem! x
Away with the flutterbys xxx
CommentAuthorMichelleB2b
I agree with the others who say about phoning and having a chat. Sometimes things can come across as not quite right in writing and people do tend to appreciate it when others are upfront and honest about things. At least then you will get an immediate reaction and not have to sit there wondering if they have got the letter or not, and how they have reacted.
CommentAuthorDecember
I would go with phoning, because if things get nasty in the future and that letter is used as amunition in some kind of row between the parents, you will end up looking like the bad guy! A phone call leaves no evidence :)
xx
