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  1.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jul 1st 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Thought this would be fun ..... it uses the principle of training a puppy

    worth a try for any of you who have "sit around and watch" husband or husbands to be

  2.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jul 1st 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    1) STOP NAGGING, STOP SHOUTING
    I was a nag. About the screwed up tissues, the towels on the floor, taking too long in the bathroom. You name it, I was there nagging.
    I felt Scott's behaviour had forced me to whinge and complain. But, animal trainers don't nag and, most of the time, they don't even correct bad behaviour - they have an approach called 'gentling' or 'affection training' which means rewarding the behaviour they like and disregarding what they don't like.
    Nagging and shouting doesn't work. I'd done it for years and Scott was still messy, forgetful and always late. We humans assume that pointing out what we don't want makes clear what we do desire.
    Punishment tends to have nasty side-effects such as apathy, fear and aggression. None of these are conducive to learning. A scared or raging animal does not make a good student.

  3.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jul 1st 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    2) IDENTIFY YOUR SPECIES
    To make training easier, enlightened trainers learn all they can about a species to understand how it thinks, what it likes and dislikes, what comes easily to it and what doesn't.
    My species is territorial when it comes to the remote control and bass settings on the stereo, he cannot hear high-pitched noises, enjoys a carnivorous diet and is prone to long periods of hibernation.

    In the end it's always better to play to a species' strong suit. Scott, for example, is nocturnal - so early morning flights or early morning anything are a trial - so I avoid them.
    He is food driven and can always be distracted, bribed or enticed with food. He needs exercising daily - great for mowing lawns, running errands and trips to the corner shop.
    But, just as you can't stop a dog from digging or a camel from spitting, I'm sorry to say there's no stopping my husband from losing his wallet and keys.
    But then good trainers don't want automaton animals. To love your animal is also to accept it - instincts and all.

  4.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jul 1st 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    3) IGNORE BAD BEHAVIOUR
    Forget arguing about the mess your partner makes every time he cooks, or the way he leaves his smelly socks strewn around the bedroom.
    Perhaps the most important lesson I learnt from the animal trainers I met is that, rather than punish or draw attention to behaviour you don't like, you should simply ignore it.
    The idea is that any response, positive or negative, fuels a behaviour. If a behaviour provokes no response at all, it typically dies away.
    So, when my dear husband was - yet again - tearing around our house in a bad-tempered, last-minute search for his keys, instead of stopping what I was doing to help him find them and try to calm him down, this time I said absolutely nothing, ignored his tantrum and carried on with the washing up.
    It took a lot of discipline, but the results were immediate. He looked for them himself and found the keys. Without my attention, his temper fell far shy of its usual pitch and then waned like a fast moving storm. I was tempted to throw him a bone.

  5.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jul 1st 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    4) GOOD BOY!
    Just as ignoring your partner's irritating habits will help to wean him off them, rewarding the things he does right - just as an animal trainer would - will also reinforce good behaviour.
    Whether it's cleaning the car, putting the bins out or mowing the lawn, make a real point of thanking your partner as soon as he does something you like.
    When my husband - a too-fast driver in my opinion - eased off the accelerator, I thanked him.
    Likewise, if he managed to throw one dirty T-shirt into the laundry basket (even though the chair in our bedroom was buried under half his wardrobe)I quickly got good results from the combination of ignoring my husband's bad habits and praising his good ones.
    Scott basked in my growing appreciation. He started to throw more laundry into the basket and drove less aggressively.
    In fact, the more positive I was with my husband, the faster his husbandly defensiveness faded away. When I asked him to do something, he was more responsive.
    His spousal deafness miraculously seemed to improve, too.

  6.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jul 1st 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    5) LURING AND BAITING
    Luring is a way of saying: 'You will get this, but only if you do that'. A reward is promised for performing a task. Trainers have used it for centuries. A common way to teach a dog to sit is to hold a tasty morsel right over its head which prompts him to put his bottom on the floor.
    Now, some trainers aren't keen on luring, as they think it gives the animal a chance to decide in advance whether the treat is big enough or not. The gamble is that the animal may hold out on you.
    I am all for luring husbands, but you must judge if yours will think the prize is worth the bother.

    I once lured Scott to Ikea on a Saturday with the promise of a plateful of their Swedish meatballs in the restaurant afterwards. It only worked once - he decided the scrum of shoppers wasn't worth the tasty treat.
    But his favourite meal cooked and served at the dining room table will always get him away from the TV and off the sofa.

  7.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jul 1st 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    6) ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN
    To get an animal, and therefore your partner, to perform a particular task, you need to break the task down into baby steps and focus on the most important part of it.
    Overcomplicated and confused messages about what's required will get you nowhere.
    For example, if I wanted Scott to be dressed and ready on time for a dinner party, I shouldn't also expect him to have drinks poured

    If he did manage to have the wine open - great - but that was icing on the cake. Getting dressed on time was the most important part of the task and that was what I had to focus on and praise him for.
    I also realised I needed to stop confusing him by raising the bar mid-behaviour - meaning no more 'thanks-butting' as I call it, (as in 'thanks for getting the shopping, but you've bought the wrong kind of milk'.) Raising the bar not only confuses men as to what you want from them, but it also demotivates.

  8.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jul 1st 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    7) DON'T TAKE THINGS PERSONALLY
    As humans, we tend to project all kinds of human characteristics, motivations and talents on to animals. We assume the dog chewed our new pair of Ugg boots out of spite. He didn't.
    Projecting human feelings and characteristics on to an animal can lead to bad training decisions - so if you're going to think like an animal trainer, you need to keep a cool head and not take the other people's actions so personally.
    Previously, I'd see yet another pile of Scott's sweaty cycling clothes left on the bathroom floor as an affront to me, a symbol of how he didn't care enough about my feelings. Now, in animal trainer mode, I considered Scott's behaviour with a cooler head.
    He left his smelly cycling shorts on the bathroom floor not because he didn't love me, but because it was simply convenient.
    He has a bad memory and a worse sense of smell - it wasn't meant as a personal affront to me, and wasn't worth rowing about.
    Not taking your partner's actions personally is liberating, but no easy task. I realised that I, like many mates, took way too much personally - and often saw offence where none was intended.

  9.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jul 1st 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    8) DON'T DOMINATE
    We, like other members of the animal kingdom, push to see who's the boss. We primates are big on hierarchy. We want others to know who is in charge.
    I, like so many wives, unwittingly skirmished to win control of my marriage by thrusting 'my way' on Scott. He had to take my route to the shops, and I thought I was being helpful when I showed him how to cut vegetables how I did them.
    But all I was doing was planting my flag and claiming my territory. When Scott stubbornly resisted I snarled.
    Dog trainers warn students to guard against their deep instinct to boss another creature around, as it does not encourage a positive relationship with your pet.
    Instead, you have a relationship built on fear and resentment rather than one centred around trust and love.

  10.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jul 1st 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
      edited
     
    9) PICK YOUR MOMENT
    Trainers never try to teach an animal when it's having an off day.
    Unfortunately, when it comes to relationships, we often pick the worst moment, say, when someone is frantic over a lost pet, wallet or pay cheque to drive home a point - 'If you just used a lead, kept track of your stuff or deposited the cheque like I told you, this wouldn't have happened!'
    Or we try to tackle a problem when we've got PMS or are feeling stressed about something.
    We may mean well, but a point made in this way will typically fall on deaf ears and may even provoke an angry swipe.
    People, like animals, aren't wired to learn or teach lessons when they're out of sorts.
    Instead, be sure to choose a time to 'train' your partner when you are both feeling calm and in a good mood.

  11.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jul 1st 2014
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    10) READ THE CUES
    An animal trainer cannot let his or her attention wander - ever. A missed cue, even from a small animal can have big consequences.
    Trainers can't stand around hoping that the glaring big cat won't pounce or that the agitated dog won't bite.
    They need to be able to read the signals their animals give them so they can anticipate their every move and act quickly.
    This technique works well with human animals, too.
    Most nights, my husband beats me to the bathroom. He likes to take a book or magazine with him, which means it's always a good half hour before I can finally get in there.
    I had tried rapping on the door and getting angry but nothing worked - until I realised I needed to look for cues - and stop the behaviour before it started.
    Now if he wanders towards the staircase with a magazine in hand or casually asks me if I've seen his bike catalogue at the end of the evening - I make a dash for it, calling 'all I need is a minute'.
    This way, I can scrub, floss and brush and settle down to watch a bit of television in bed until he joins me.

  12.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jul 1st 2014
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    there is a link on my wall for more ideas ,,,, happy training

  13.  
    • LoopyLou
      CommentAuthorLoopyLou
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jul 1st 2014
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    Hahahaha i love this!!! I remember seeing the Big Bang Theory where Sheldon trains Penny with the chocolates. Gotta laugh, but wonder if it will work. Might even try some lol x
  14.  
    • MrsLJDeaton
      CommentAuthorMrsLJDeaton
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 1st 2014
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    I love this lala i want to try this i wonder if it works as reading that reminded me off times when hubby gets upset or mad if i correct him or show him my way I always manage to tell him what he has doen wrong not what he has done rigth it is very true i need to work on good boy and ignore bad behaviour and not to take things personally
    reading this opened my mind and my eyes and makes me think not to mention gave me the giggles

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  15.  
    • VictoriaL46
      CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 1st 2014
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    LOL really cracked me up because it's SO TRUE!

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  16.  
    • Linzi-jo
      CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jul 1st 2014
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    Hahaha LOVE this!!! Xx

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  17.  
    • CommentAuthorFranM76
      Posted: Jul 2nd 2014
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    BRILLIANT!!! absolutely love it xx
  18.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jul 2nd 2014
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    Hahaha! Was this for my benefit after my rant on Monday?

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  19.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jul 2nd 2014
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    This is brilliant!

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  20.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jul 2nd 2014
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    I knew you would like this Tracey lol lol .....

  21.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jul 2nd 2014
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    Lol.

    He was much better yesterday, making more effort.

    He still needs training though lol.

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    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  22.  
    • AH86
      CommentAuthorAH86
      Posted: Jul 2nd 2014
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    This is brilliant!

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  23.  
    • Becky1608
      CommentAuthorBecky1608
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jul 8th 2014
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    Love this!!! Xxx

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  24.  
    • WelshBrideBethan2015
      CommentAuthorWelshBrideBethan2015
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 8th 2014
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    Love it :)

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  25.  
    • *KelBel*
      CommentAuthor*KelBel*
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jul 8th 2014
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    Aww this is brilliant xx

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  26.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jul 9th 2014
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    would love hear if you have tried any of the points and if they have any effects

  27.  
    • MrsLJDeaton
      CommentAuthorMrsLJDeaton
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 9th 2014
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      edited
     
    Ignoring hubby's bad behaviour has worked for me giving him the silent treatment actually let's him calm down and then he comes to me if I keep banging on at him all the time he won't so it but if I leave him to his own devices he actually does things and suprises me which is very shocking however still need to work on Good Boy and praises not quote their yet that will take me some time I need tro train myself also with that one and I cannot stop myself from nagging hat us a really hard one as I nag all the time but I'm sure he deserves it for me step 1 will be the hardest I think but I'm working on calling him a good boy and praise him instead of no that's wrong it's this blah blah blah =D XxoxoxoxoxX

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  28.  
    • MrsC2bee
      CommentAuthorMrsC2bee
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 27th 2015
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    Haha love this x
  29.  
    • CharlotteE98
      CommentAuthorCharlotteE98
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 27th 2015
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    Brilliant :)
  30.  
    • michgib
      CommentAuthormichgib
      Got married 18 months ago
      Posted: Jun 27th 2015
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    Ha ha ha love it
  31.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jul 7th 2015
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    Bumped up

  32.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
      Got married 33 months ago
      Posted: Aug 10th 2015
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    I've learnt to plant seeds of what I want to do and then he comes up with the "idea" and is pleased as punch that he has come up with the brilliant thing lol

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  33.  
    • Ticamis2be
      CommentAuthorTicamis2be
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 16th 2015
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    Love it!
  34.  
    • Becci93
      CommentAuthorBecci93
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 16th 2015
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    This thread is genius <3 something tells me I've picked a challenging one to train .. Living together 2 years and still not learning! Is there any hope lol

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  35.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
      Got married 33 months ago
      Posted: Oct 16th 2015
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    Nope doesn't get any easier to train- my one frustration is scraping plate and leaving it on work top! Just put it in the bloomin dishwasher! Not hard to open the door! Lol

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  36.  
    • Ticamis2be
      CommentAuthorTicamis2be
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 16th 2015
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    Nope! Haha, we've lived together 6 years now and he still wont learn lol x
  37.  
    • Mrs M Wade
      CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 16th 2015
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    Same here Ticamis lol

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  38.  
    • Becci93
      CommentAuthorBecci93
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 16th 2015
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    The dishwasher is one of many downfalls of oh.. As well as his inability to put clothes in the washing basket lol

    More recently the most disgusting is the smell of men's urine in the bathroom I deep clean it every week and did it Sunday but when I got in today and nipped into the bathroom I could smell grime really strong! We use bl00 tablets in the toilet so it shouldn't be the toilet water but I've bleached it just in case .. I'm now wondering if he's peeing while in the shower and maybe the pipe is partially blocked .. Ill kill him if this is the case .. Totally gross .. Sure I've got some form of ocd because I have to have the house perfect but even the dirtiest of people wouldn't put up with the stench of wee!

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  39.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
      Got married 33 months ago
      Posted: Oct 16th 2015
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    Yuk- have you got carpet in the bathroom- the dog hasn't done a wee anywhere has he? Can't stand smell of urine

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  40.  
    • Becci93
      CommentAuthorBecci93
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 16th 2015
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    Nah it's a black wood effect lino that is brand new .. It's definitely the smell of human wee not dog wee. I told him tonight that I could smell Urine really bad so hopefully whatever he's been doing in there that will have embarrassed him that i can smell it and he'll stop!

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  41.  
    • Becci93
      CommentAuthorBecci93
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 16th 2015
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    I have a really sensitive nose and the slightest of smells make me wretch .. If it doesn't improve and fast it'll make me sick .. I don't know how he can't sme it it's totally vile

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  42.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
      Got married 33 months ago
      Posted: Oct 16th 2015
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      edited
     
    Hopefully he will stop- either that or he's got some sort of urine infection and it's a trip to Drs? I wonder what he's doing?

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  43.  
    • Becci93
      CommentAuthorBecci93
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 16th 2015
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    I hope so because it's certainly not something I can live with its so dirty!!! I'd expect it of bathrooms that never get cleaned but I keep the place immaculate and kts embarrassing for me when guests come - if I can smell it they probably can! The smell reminds me of really smelly night club toilets and the toilets in sharm el sheik airport - I was dying for a wee before we got on the plane but I literally walked in and how I wasn't sick with the smell I do not know! Had to hold my wee for the full 6 hour flight and went in Manchester when we landed! At least they were clean

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  44.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Oct 17th 2015
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    I wonder if men have a similar forum and moan about us lol!

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  45.  
    • Becci93
      CommentAuthorBecci93
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 17th 2015
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    Probably lol!

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  46.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Oct 17th 2015
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    Sometimes they just don't see how lucky they are although my hubby does tell me he's lucky having me. Think he says it to cheer me up.

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    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  47.  
    • Becci93
      CommentAuthorBecci93
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 17th 2015
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    Mmmm mine tells me all the time too but he still doesn't help more round the house when he can see his mess stresses me out

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  48.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Oct 17th 2015
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    Ditto lol

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    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  49.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
      Got married 33 months ago
      Posted: Oct 17th 2015
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    Mine is trained in bathroom cleaning and hovering! When we needed a new Hoover I let him choose, he chose a dyS0n slim which although is expensive is amazing, and he hovers every other day - just have to treat men like kids lol

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  50.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Oct 17th 2015
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    Mine does all the vacuum cleaning, was part of the deal lol as I do all the bathrooms and kitchen and most of the laundry, changing sheets and cooking.

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    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

 
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