my nan has a friend. this is a good thing as my grandad died a few years ago. all my family love this friend as she is `mad` and `bubbly` and gets nan out and about and doing things.
however, i feel the need to kill this woman if im in the room with her for more than a minute. i dunno if i have a nose for these things, but i can see straight through her but no-one else seems to. shes brash and annoying, a walking mid-life crisis (except shes older than mid-life!) driving her mazda,needs everyone to be paying attention to her, loud, the old woman that everyone cringes at, drunk and lifting up her skirt, thinking people are looking because shes still got it, not because they are laughing at a cringey old bag.
now most people look at me and judge, mostly because i have fairly heavy tattoo coverage. They`d take one look at me, compared to her, living in an affluent area, with her M+S clothes, and i know what they would assume. However im quite old fashioned, and she really, really offends me. She`ll be really crass, and she seems to take great delight in things like telling my nan how she heard someone bad mouthing her, and then going on to tell her, and seeming to revel in telling her, exactly what names this woman called her. my nans laughing with her, but im utterly disgusted, you would never do that to a friend would you? ive nearly had so many run ins with her, but i bite my tongue for my nans sake.

Shes ruined loads of family occasions, as she either tags along or gets invited. New years eve was all about her making a show of herself, then my mum,nan and auntie spending the last part of the night trying to convince her not to drive home drunk, whilst i just sat there on the verge of ranting at her. she hi-jacked boxing day by inviting MY family to her house, so i didnt get to spend it with them. i didnt even get the choice, as my mum didnt tell me they were all going there, as she knew i didnt like her.same for mothers day, they all went for a meal at my aunties, and again i didnt get invited as SHE was there.

ANYWAY, now its coming to my wedding and shes sticking her beak in. I have no intention of inviting her, my nan will have all her family around her, she doesnt need her friend too, and i dont even want her at the reception to make a drunken show of herself (i have MIL for that!) However, mum tells me that this woman has nominated herself to make our wedding cake, and already asked her daughter to ice it etc etc. I get told all that to `ah, look how lovely she is, shes doing this and that for you....`
i dont want this woman to have any part in the day. its not caused a problem so far, ive told mum not to mention the cake and hope it gets forgotten, but i have a yucky feeling its all going to blow up at some point. HELP!
(sorry for the essay!!!)

very differcult. I would talk to my gran about her tell her in very diplomatic terms how you feel about this woman and what you want.

something like
gran about your friend
I know you love her to bits but I sometimes find her a bit overpowering.
Is it possible for you to have a word with her and say thank you very much for all yor offers of help but i have enough people involved in planning my wedding and don't need another cook.
also we have a limited budget so I am gonna have not invite her on the day either you will have lots to do with the family and like I said I find her a bit overpowering and worry that she may spoil my day for me.

or you cold just say something like that to her face but work out your exsact wording before hand and some of the possible reactions and how to deal with them. otherwise you are right things could blow up and be very nasty.

After the repeating of the name calling thing to my nan i was furious, and i said to my mum afterwards that there was no way in hell she was coming to the wedding. she understands how much i hate her, and said it was fine. i just know shes the sort of woman to bring it up if she hasnt had an invite, as im sure shes expecting one. oh well, just have to avoid her for a year, certainly wont mind having to do that!
the thing im worried about is that i can fight my own corner, im quite willing and happy to tell her exactly where to go and how i feel about her, so im not worried about the cake really, but thats the problem, if its brought up i will tell her exactly what i think! i dont care at all if she hates me, its how my family will feel thats the problem, and i dont want my nan to be offended or upset. my nan is the main thing about it all, my mum and auntie know i hate the woman, but ive obv not told my nan i hate her closest friends, coz i would never do that to her. this woman on the other hand, im pretty sure would have no prob telling my nan if i did have an argument with her, i think she`d love to stir, even if it upset my nan. thats the difference between us, i actually care about my nans feelings.
thanks for the comments x

id tell her and your mum that you have sorted your cake,and if she asks simply say your wedding is family and close friends only

Oh gosh, that's a really awkward situation!
I agree with the others - thank you for the offer but you've already sorted your cake. And maybe say to your gran that you wouldn't be comfortable with someone doing your cake who isn't invited to the wedding, so it saves approaching that with her?
x

if u r able 2 get someone at ur venue can be kinda like bouncer an have a list of the people thats coming and if she decides 2 appear then the 'bouncer' will just sorry ur names isnt on list i cant let u in, n make sure ur nan is there with ur mum or someone so that shes not there wen shes tol 2 sling her hook xx

thats a good idea if ur names not down ur not coming in but if ur getting married at the church then agen u cant stop her from going in 2 the church thats the dissapointment

She is your nan's friend not yours so you have no need to invite her. Like you say your nan isn't going to be needing her as she has her family there. Just tell her friend that you can't have any more people as you are already restricted due to fire regs for the venue and you will gladly send her some photo's of the day ;)

Why would you invite other peoples friends to your wedding? If your nan didn't know anyone else you might allow her a plus one but she will be amongst family so will hardly be alone. Maybe you could explain to your nan that whilst SHE might want HER friend there, YOU & YOUR HUSBAND would really like to have YOUR friends there and there isn't space for both. Unless she is quite unreasonable, she should understand.