Wedding Forum - How to politely tell people they are not...

Okay, a slightly controversial title but my predicament is just that!

I haven't been in contact with any of my dad's family in years (minus my Gran). They have no part in my life and I have no part of theirs. However my Parents are highly insistent that my dad's brothers & wives attending my Wedding as all day guests. The past year has been a huge argument with emotional blackmail to get me to invite them. As we are having a fairly large Wedding, my parents are viewing it as a free for all. As there is another 100 guests in attendance, why not add another 4, sort of thing? To have them at my Wedding, it will cost me an extra £280. We are getting married in a Scottish Castle and it will be a costly affair for us both as it is, however my partner and I are no where near flush enough to just fork out an extra £280 for the sake of it.

I am extremely on the fence on whether to invite them or not...Or do I try and cut four people from my current list to try to accommodate them?

That is one of my problems. My next, is that one of my uncles has 4 kids, 2 with partners. If I do invite my uncle, I will be sick with worry that they will bring along an extra 6 people. As most of you will now be thinking, normal people wouldn't do that. And yes, I agree! But, at our engagement party last year I was persuaded to invite said brothers and wives. I then received a message from my uncles grown up daughter (lives alone) thanking me for the invitation and that she would love to come. They didn't come in the end but I was extremely upset that my uncle extended my invitation to his family.

My Wedding invitations have just arrived and they do not have a blank line to write the guests name. If I were to invite my Uncle, how would I make it crystal clear that the invitation is just for him and his wife? Do I send them a message saying "We would love to invite the whole family but venue restrictions make it impossible"? Any opinions are welcome! Thanks xx

Just don't send them an invite, if they don't get one then saves you having to say anything. If anything does get said just say you ran out of numbers so had to make cuts in some places. It's your wedding.

Thank you for the replies. I have mentioned to my parents that if they want any added guests then they will have to pay for them to be there. They were highly offended by the idea and I was told something a long the lines of "We've always been so good to you and you can't do this one little thing for us". Mainly saying that I am ungrateful for all the help they have given me over the years in terms of moving out, buying my first house etc (which is a different story).

I think I have come to the decision that I will invite who I want. Not all of my guests will be able to make it, and if 4 pull out then my dad's brothers will receive an invitation in their place. If not then they will be evening guests...which I don't see as a big deal at all as they will still be there, just not all day! Thanks again ladies.

If they want them there and cost is the only issue then your parents can pay. I was worried about people just bringing uninvited plus 1s but made sure I wrote clearly on the envelope who the invite was for.

That seems like a compromise - to me ax wedding is about who you want and not who your parents want, unless of course they are paying the lot and then it's very awkward and complicated!

I know how you feel, my in laws want to invite 6 of their friends....who have absolutly no bearing on ou rlives, I don't even know them and my finace kinda knows who they are. He had talked me in to agreeing they could come and had told his parents shouldn't be a problem, I was going to invite them grudginly until his mother invited one of her friend to my hen do...they are all scrubbed off the list now and his mother can explain why if she has told them to expect an invite. I was beyond raging and my fiance still has not made sure his mother knows how annoyed I am. Much the same as you, they gave him a huge chunk of money towards the deposit on his house and they are paying for the honeymoon but yes they make you feel ungrateful.. Do what makes you happy and never mind anyone else xx

I'm lucky that my in laws are happy to leave us to it and dad is putting money in but has said to spend it how we want and we can invite who we like

I have a similar problem. On my dads side i only speak to two of my uncles and grandad. As for my aunties and cousins i just plan on saying im keeping it a small wedding. I dont think they could name one thing they know about me so i dont feel the need to invite them.
its your choice and you shouldnt feel the need to invite them to keep others happy. If your parents are that adamant id just say you really cant afford it but theyre more welcome to pay xx

I guess we were lucky - we asked both sets of parents if there was anyone they wanted us to invite - and they all told us that it was our day and we should invite who we wanted.

We Re tight on numbers for wedding breakfast - no more than 100- we have 103 but I think I know a couple who won't come- we've had to be harsh too and will no doubt upset people! Don't know any wedding where someone isn't upset! Family politics- you don't realize there is any until you plan a wedding lol xx