FREE Wedding Table Planner

+ FREE Wedding Budget Planner and more wedding planning tools

Join now free to use

Wedding Forum - How to deal with this correctly? (SIL)...

Not signed in (Sign In)

UKbride Supermarket


* Discount available to Power Users only. Terms and conditions apply. more

  1.  
    • StaceyH989
      CommentAuthorStaceyH989
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 14th 2016
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Hello Ladies,

    First off just want to say that this isn't a rant I would just like some advice on how to handle this situation best so it potentially doesn't cause stress.

    So H2B sister is so amazing I love her to pieces and we get on so well. She is a little older than me but unfortunately suffers with prade-willi syndrome (it causes her body to feel hunger all the time) which has also led to her developing some mental disabilities as well but even with theses she is so loving and caring but does have a nasty side if something sets her off.

    H2B wanted her to be a bridesmaid which I said was no problem at all as we could make the day as comfortable as possible for her. Then after a while both his parents and my parents kept asking if we were sure that we wanted her as a bridesmaid, I spoke to H2B and said it was his call as it is his sister and I would support him no matter the decision. Eventually he decides no she wont be one so I rearrange some of the details and ask my florist to deduct one bridesmaids bouquet.

    A month passes no issues then when we were at his parents house the other day MIL says that his sister has been saying she will be a bridesmaid and her carers seem to think there won't be any issues if one of them is there with her on the day.

    So here is my problem how do I say right once she is a bridesmaid again that's it no more changing cause I really don't want to mess suppliers around with numbers of things I need. I'm really worried that it will be a constant change of she will be/won't be when her behavior and mood changes which isn't fair on her or us.

    Sorry its a long one
  2.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 14th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I think you need to say exactly what you have said here. That you would love to have her as a bridesmaid but it has to stay that way because you will be charged for the items once made even if not used and you would prefer the money to be spent elsewhere if that was the case x

    Members signature icon
    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  3.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 14th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Yes just be honest eith her- you have worded it in a nice way anyway xx

    Members signature icon



  4.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Oct 16th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I agree with the Nicole and Michelle.

    You sound so genuine and you put it so well, just speak to the family and be honest.

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  5.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Oct 16th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Can you take the financial hit if she decides or whoever decides it is best she isn't a bridesmaid? Just order all the stuff anyway, if you can and if for whatever reason it doesn't happen, then you have just one extra of the things required and you yourself know to be prepared for it. I know this might not be possible, but if you are financially able, you could do all the bridesmaid-y things but with no pressure on her, if that makes sense?

    If that isn't possible, as the laides above have said, just be honest with her, you sound like you havwe a great relationship

    I hope it works out for the best for you all xx

    Members signature icon

    Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
    *Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
  6.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Oct 16th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    It sounds like she wants to do it, and if her careers are happy that seems fine. I would get the bouquet anyway, and dress if you're providing it. It will be nice for her to have them. If on the day she can't cope with the walk down the aisle she can still sit at the front in her dress, and be in the photos. She doesn't need any duties. My SIL (husband's sister) had severe cerebral palsy, and cannot walk or talk, plus she only has limited arm movement. She is totally dependent on her carers. She had no duties, she was pushed down the aisle by her career and then sat with her family. I would say to the girl something like, "you will definitely do it won't you because I really want you to", and then to the carers that you want to work with them to make absolutely sure that nothing gets in the way of her doing it, other than something uncontrollable like illness. Then come up with a plan for every conceivable scenario.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  7.  
    • StaceyH989
      CommentAuthorStaceyH989
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 17th 2016
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thanks everyone x
 
Enter Now