We drafted up our guest list and it came to around 80 people! Me & my partner both have large families, i'm 1 of 10 children, my partner 1 of 4 but the amount of aunties, uncles, cousins he has is outstanding. Getting quotes for 80 people to attend ceremony and after do is impossible, most people do quotes based on 50 then a certain amount per head, which gets very very expensive! We're on a budget, as we are first time parents to our little girl, so how do we cut down numbers without offending? We can't invite one uncle and not the other as we don't want to cause family arguments :/ We'd like a few friends there so it's not all family whom may choose to get on or may choose not to. Any tips/ideas? TIA. xx
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CommentAuthor*KelBel*
Maybe invite cousins to the evening and just have aunts/uncles all day? The way we're working it is we're inviting family we've seen in the last 6 months then friends we've seen in the last 6months then seeing how many spaces we have left for day,the rest will be evening x
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CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs M
invite aunts and uncles but only invite cousins to the evening (unless aunts and uncles have young kids)
its the only way to get round it, if we invited all my family (one of my uncles has been married 3 times and has 10 kids who also have kids) we would have been bankrupt at the first hurdle!
you have to be ruthless. the other way we did it was to say anyone we haven't seen in 12 months isn't coming to the day
8th September 2012 I married my best friend
1st September 2014 our little family grew by one
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CommentAuthor~Beauty&TheBeast2Be~
Trouble is, we live in Somerset, and a lot of our family live in Birmingham, and they don't want to come down for a few hours just for the evening do, they want to be involved in the whole day. This results in us head banging a wall. I'll do the 12 month thing with friends, that's a good idea!
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~We're All Mad Here~
CommentAuthorLauraJo87
We were in a similar position, although our families are relatively small we are quite close to a lot of them.
We did:-
Immediate family (parents and siblings) Aunts and uncles One cousin we are particularly close to Friends - only with a partner if we know the partner or they are in a long term, committed relationship and wouldn't know anybody else there
Let it be known that you are only having a small, intimate wedding and a larger evening reception and invite everyone to that.
You could always not invite any aunts/uncles or cousins to the day and have it as 'immediate' family only (which leaves space for you to invite friends)
A lot of older relatives see a weeding as a family reunion however you do have to be ruthless...I agree with mrs Mann, don't invite people who you haven't seen for more than twelve months xx
We had the same problem. We originally decided on family upto aunts and uncles and a few close friends. Which brought us to 60 adults and 7kids (minimum numbers are 60 adults). Which was costing us £3800 just for meal and 3drinks. We both have huge families too. But after one of h2b's cousins kicked off and h2b caving into the pressure we now have an extra 27 guests for during the day. Which has added an extra £1287 to our bill. Which we have to pay! So my advice, set a cut of point. Put your foot down. People will moan but they need to understand that money is reason for this decision. Your not doing it to be nasty but you simply can't afford it. And if they choose not to come to the evening it's their choice. You and your fiancé have to stick together and be ruthless on it or you'll end up for out for it. Hope you can get it sorted Hun x
CommentAuthor~Beauty&TheBeast2Be~
Thank you all! It's such a big day, me being the eldest of my family and my partner being the youngest in his family, so everyone's wants to be involved as it's either first or last wedding! Will sit down and do a new list i think!
*..Embrace Your Dreams..*
~We're All Mad Here~
CommentAuthorLauraJo87
Have you talked to your parents about your concerns?
We did that, and they were actually, surprisingly helpful with who we should or shouldn't invite (of course, it can go the other way...)
Xx
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The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
CommentAuthor~Beauty&TheBeast2Be~
Yes, we've discussed some, but there's some resentment within the family with relatives, they said some people we have invited probably won't come so will take there advice on that. See how it goes! :) xx
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~We're All Mad Here~
CommentAuthorValentinaK
I've had the same problem... we currently have 120 day guests! We got our venue for free and the bar we have is so cheap because we did it all through my uncle who is a mason at his masonic lodge. Its about as cheap as the Officers' Mess bar! (97p for a g+t!) So we're going to feed ours, provide a welcome drink, 1/2 bottle wine and a toast drink and the rest is up to guests. Our caterer is great especially considering he only charges £43-£45 for all day guests to include canapes, 3 course meal (inc sharing antipasti platter), main meal, trio of desserts and tea/coffee and mints, and then bowl ood for the evening.
I've been a bit of a bridezilla over guests...if they don't have a partner now, they're not bringing one and guests under the age of 16 aren't allowed to bring bf's /gf's ... they're too young and will probably have broken up by the wedding and in addition, they're all family so they've got their siblings/cousins/family to talk to!
I didn't want kids at the wedding either but because there are few people who can afford childcare for a whole weekend coming and most of their family will be at the wedding, I've said family only children, friends to leave kids at home!
And we lived happily ever after!
CommentAuthor~Beauty&TheBeast2Be~
Oh no, i couldn't say no kids for my friends! I understand your personal preference, but children will be a big part in our day! Whether there nieces/nephews or friend's children, we have a special table just for the kids with activity packs. Will definitely be cutting down on partners, or people with OH. It will probably be unfair on them if all they know is there partner, that is a very good point. People whom are coming down from Brum Town, are stopping at Haven as it's where we work so they get discount on caravans for up to 8 in each :) which they'll be paying for themselves. x
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~We're All Mad Here~
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
I think you need to start with the closest family and work out. Start with parents and siblings, along with their partners and children if there are any. Then do your first batch of friends. Then do the next stage of family, maybe grandparents would be next if they are around, otherwise Aunts and Uncles. Go turn and turn about so you get a balance, but make sure there is a clear cut off point, and be open about explaining why you have to be strict. Maybe some of your friends who are local could be evening only unless they are particularly close. Are you having separate reception and evening do?
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
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CommentAuthorWhovianbride
We are having midweek as it costs loads less and remeber on average 10% will come back with appologies that they cannot attend! We are also requesting that instead of wedding gifts that they contribute some money (£20pp, £10perkid) towards the meal as is saving us £1410 which allows us to have all our loved ones there! As thats what is most important to us!
Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
CommentAuthorMrs Chambers to be!!
We only invited the immediate family ( brothers & sisters ) & the aunts & uncles that are closest & see more. The rest we invited to evening but put a note in saying it's purely due to numbers / budget. Plus my OH hasn't got any family coming ( long story) so I didn't want to over crowd with my side so we have more friends coming. We also only invited adults to the day apart from family & a couple of friends who are travelling from afar who have to bring their kids & 1 other who has a disabled child who is coming. People were really understanding & looking forward to being to enjoy the day without worry about entertaining their children or keeping an eye on them constantly.
I think as long as you're honest with people that's its nothing personal they are normally ok & some wont want to come all day.
CommentAuthorNatalieD205
I'm having the same problem, feel a little relieved i'm not the only one. Apparently it will cause the family to fall out if I dont invite every aunty, uncle, cousin, cousins kid, godparent and family friend to the day do. If we both do that I wouks out 100 guests for the day...... and over £7,000 in food for day and night guests. Who can afford that???? And to be honest I dont want them all there..... some of them I see once a year at xmas and they can barely speak even then!!!!! I dont want to upset people but surely they realise that the line has to be drawn somewhere? We wanted 50 day guests so going to try to cut the list in half and see how we get on.... happy to have 120 people at night but not in the day!!!!!!!!
Cant wait to marry my best boy :)
I love him to the moon and back
Eeeeeeeee!!!!
CommentAuthorsarah
You have the time, why not negotiate with a venue to get a package for 80? Since you have a lot of traveling guests it might be worth it. However you might find your family is willing to travel just for the evening do, people can be very surprising like that.
CommentAuthor~Beauty&TheBeast2Be~
Our ceremony and venue will be in one place so no moving around with a big bulk of people who don't have a clue of the area. I've tried cutting it down and so far i'm down to 61, this is going to sound silly, but when they say based on 50 guests, does that include bride and groom? We've asked a few places about 80 people, but the ones we've tried so far all say we have to pay double the 50 people package, to accommodate 80, or pay £30 extra per head. It's not something we can afford! I'll just keep and try cutting down and down. Thank you all for advice! x
*..Embrace Your Dreams..*
~We're All Mad Here~
CommentAuthorsarah
Yes, it includes bride and groom. Don't worry not a silly question at all, I know I had to ask it.
CommentAuthorMrsWright290912
I had to ask that question too :-)
One way we cut down on our guest list was to copy my cousin's idea from their wedding and only adults of the family were allowed. So my cousin's didnt attend our daytime, nor their partners or children, only the senior members of the family. Otherwise, with just with one aunt and uncle, we would have had 4 cousins attending with 3 partners and 5 children.
They were happy to attend the evening ceremony when we had more space too :-)
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CommentAuthorsarah
CommentAuthorWhovianbride
ask them about kids, at our venue its a package like yours and then £40 extra per head, but for kids(5-12) they did it at half the price and under 5's free, so if you can get all your adults in the package then pay the extra for the kids which is not as much that may help!
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CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
Our list stands at 75 and then a further 30 for the evening... Cousins and friends who have partners we've never met are not invited and we've only have one small child attending as she's our flower girl te next youngest kid will be about 8/9 so if any of my friends hve babies between now an then ain't bringing it!
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthorWhovianbride
LMC1302 we've done that too, we are having no plus one's we have never met. no cousin bf's (if there engaged that different) or people we don't know.
Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
