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  1.  
    • MrsShepherd
      CommentAuthorMrsShepherd
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jun 30th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I asked my brother to walk me down the aisle when we got engaged, he accepted and said he wouldn't miss it for the world.
    since then he has told me that he cannot get the time off of work for the wedding and so would have to leave the wedding early to go to work. If he can stay at the wedding he will only find out the week of the actual wedding (stress I did not need)
    I text him a while back as a reminder he needed to get his suit fitting and have called him to check in on when he is going, he forgot the fitting and is expecting me to constantly remind him of what he needs to do. The cut off date to get his suit fitting is this Saturday and he has told me he is busy all week.
    He has also told me that he won't be getting ready with me on the day of the wedding and will be there around 1 1/2 hours before I have to leave.
    my grandad has offered to step in and take his place as he knows how stressed I am getting.
    I don't want to hurt my brothers feelings but am really thinking of taking up my grandads offer.
    am I being unreasonable or am I within my rights to do this?
    If so what is a nice way of informing my brother? Bearing in mind we have been planning this wedding for 2 1/2 years.
  2.  
    • CatherineR
      CommentAuthorCatherineR
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 30th 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Tbh, it sounds like your brother has had many chances to resolve this and hasn't pulled his finger out and bothered. Just sit down with your brother and lay your cards on the table saying 'he's really busy, suits haven't been done, you're going to leave early and you won't really be there when I'm getting ready so I'm going ask Granddad'... At the end of the day, if it was that important to him he would have sorted himself out and I'm sorry but with 2.5 years notice, how can't he not be there all day?! Ask your Granddad as it sounds like it means a lot more to him and would be truly honoured and touched to walk you down the aisle. You know he can be depended on and relied upon therefore your stress levels are going to disappear which is ultimately the goal here. Maybe ask your brother to do a reading/poem/be a witness instead? I feel for you and I would have chucked long ago! Just remember that it's your day for 24 hours, you won't get it again so do what's going to make you happy :)

    Members signature icon
    Married my wife on 15.08.15
    Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)

  3.  
    • VictoriaL46
      CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 1st 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Be honest. Everyone thought I would ask my brother to walk me down the aisle next year but my brother is a very elusive person and he is only in touch when it suits him and has a tendency to not stick to arrangements. I love my brother but we are no where near as close as I am to my best friend who will be walking me down the aisle.

    Explain to him that you would love for him to walk you down but this is obviously causing too much stress and anxiety this close to the wedding for both of you and asking a lot of him given his job are being so restricting. Instead you would rather he be a guest and feel relaxed and let your Grandfather do the honours.

    Members signature icon
    Met in Nov 2005
    Engaged 13th June 2013
    Becomes Mrs Stewart on 10th Aug 2015 Honeymoon in Florida!
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  4.  
    • MrsShepherd
      CommentAuthorMrsShepherd
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jul 1st 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Im really thinking I have no choice but to ask my grandad, he seems really excited and we are both really close. My mum wants me to wait until she has called my brother but I really feel like telling her not to bother. My brother just keeps telling me he is always really busy :/
  5.  
    • CatherineR
      CommentAuthorCatherineR
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 1st 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Why not wait until Saturday? See if he actually bothers sorting the suit out and if not, you can just use that as an excuse!

    Members signature icon
    Married my wife on 15.08.15
    Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)

  6.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jul 1st 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    i would suggest the same as Catherine .... it puts the ball firmly in his court then

  7.  
    • MrsShepherd
      CommentAuthorMrsShepherd
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jul 1st 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Im worried that if I wait until Saturday he will just let me down in others ways like at our rehearsal etc :(
  8.  
    • LoopyLou
      CommentAuthorLoopyLou
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jul 1st 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Sorry to hear about your situation :(
    If he does let you down (again) on Saturday though then at least it might make things a bit easier when you have to talk to him about your Granddad doing the honours of walking you down the aisle. I normally like to give people plenty of chances to make things right too but sometimes its just one too many times and it is causing unnecessary stress for you x If he asks why, you have your reasons with the things he has let you down on xx
  9.  
    • AprilS61
      CommentAuthorAprilS61
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 1st 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I'm with the girls. I would tell your brother your grandad has a way to relieve you both of stress. It would be fair to give your brother another chance to wait until Saturday for the suits, but then if it's the cutoff would it not be the cutoff for your grandad too? Or does he already have a suit too? What does your brother do to not manage to get one day off for his sisters wedding with two and a half years notice?! X

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  10.  
    • MrsShepherd
      CommentAuthorMrsShepherd
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jul 1st 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I just found out he cant even make it to the rehearsal because he will be at work :( things just aren't going right at the moment :(
  11.  
    • CatherineR
      CommentAuthorCatherineR
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 1st 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Then I think it's maybe time for him to step down? If he can't make the rehearsal then what's the point? That's his only role and needs to run through it!

    Members signature icon
    Married my wife on 15.08.15
    Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)

  12.  
    • MartineM68
      CommentAuthorMartineM68
      Posted: Jul 1st 2014
     
    It sounds to me like he is causing you a great deal of stress because he is not doing what you are asking him to do (and more importantly he agreed to do 2.5 years ago!). Maybe just let him know how he is making you feel, tell him your worries and concerns (the things that are stressing you out), point out that you have an alternative who is willing to make the rehearsal and walk you down the aisle if he doesn't want to do it. Then give him the chance to either stand down from his own choosing or give him one final chance but make sure he realises that if he lets you down then he won't be doing it. It may be that he is nervous about doing it and is doing the man thing of burying his head in the sand rather than addressing the issue? maybe knowing that your Grandad is not only willing to do it but would love to might encourage him to stand down on his own? Hugs xx
  13.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jul 2nd 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Kick him to the curb ......tell that although you understand it's work and so out of his control you think it might be better if he stepped down from this role but could he take the role of witness or do a reading instead

  14.  
    • LoopyLou
      CommentAuthorLoopyLou
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jul 2nd 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    You never know he might be slightly relieved if you do ask him to step down, what with his job being so difficult with letting him get the time off to enjoy his sisters wedding. Just a thought xx Hope you get it all sorted x
  15.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jul 2nd 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    If he can't make the rehearsal then I think that is the point where you can say this isn't going to work. The person walking you in needs to be at the rehearsal to know where to stand, when to sit down, and if giving you away when that happens. It sounds like your grandfather would be a better bet. I know it's not always possible to book time off work in advance, so it may be out of his hands to an extent (at my brother's wedding the MOH, who is a nurse, had to wait until about a month or two before to confirm the time off). However he still needs to realise that you need someone that you can rely on.

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    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
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  16.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jul 2nd 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I'd speak to him, tell him your concerns explaining why and ask him if he can pull his finger out to reassure you that he will not let you down and if he can't ask if then he really can commit to his important role and that you're seriously considering asking another family member to step in x

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
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  17.  
    • MrsShepherd
      CommentAuthorMrsShepherd
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jul 5th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    UPDATE:
    My brother text me yesterday to say that he realises how much stress he is putting me under as he can't make fittings and can't make it to the rehearsal so he has stepped down and I can now have my grandad to walk me down the aisle.
    Thank you all for your advice ladies!! I am now a calm and stress free bride to be :)
    Xxx
  18.  
    • TheNewMrsBarrett
      CommentAuthorTheNewMrsBarrett
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 5th 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Oh I'm glad it's sorted hon! Maybe he was starting to get a little stressed too if he thought it was upsetting you? Xx
  19.  
    • VictoriaL46
      CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 5th 2014
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    Yay! Glad you have that sorted out. xxx

    Members signature icon
    Met in Nov 2005
    Engaged 13th June 2013
    Becomes Mrs Stewart on 10th Aug 2015 Honeymoon in Florida!
    My Diary Thread: My Alice in Wonderland Wedding Diary
  20.  
    • CatherineR
      CommentAuthorCatherineR
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 5th 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Woohoo!! Glad everything worked out :) xx

    Members signature icon
    Married my wife on 15.08.15
    Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)

  21.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jul 5th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    glad its sorted, and calmly too! its always good when people can be mature about it and see the bigger picture :) xxx

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    Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
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  22.  
    • WelshBrideBethan2015
      CommentAuthorWelshBrideBethan2015
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 5th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Glad he realised how much stress he was putting you and stepping down :) Now you can relax and look forward to the next few weeks x

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    Somehow always connected , finally became friends .
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  23.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jul 5th 2014
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    I'm glad it's all worked out for you xx

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

 
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