Hi guys, looking for some advice here... (sorry it's long!)
Am getting married in a month and one of my best friends who is due to marry next year has just suddenly split with her fiance. They'd been together nearly 7 years and the wedding was all booked, they always seemed like such a loved-up couple and then this weekend out of the blue, he tells her he wants to split up and doesn't love her! She didn't see it coming, has no idea where it came from and is absolutely devestated. they've tried talking it through but he says he doesn't want the commitment (we're all nearly 30!). None of us can understand where it's come from- stress that he didn't get the job he applied for, has he got someone else? etc. They're now having to move out of the place they share etc. I've never seen a woman so genuinely broken.
Now I really want to continue to involve her in my wedding planning, she's supposed to be doing quite an emotional reading too, but I really don't want to make her feel worse. Do I offer to give someone else reading? How do I ask her if she wants someone else at the wedding? (need final numbers by tomorrow and still a very sore subject!). I almost feel bad that I'm now getting so excited about my own wedding when hers has been left in tatters. So hard to know what to say too! Can't think of any way to comfort her!
What can I do to help her and should I still be giving her the same involvement in my wedding?
Thanks folks! xxx
Met Paul on 01.06.08
Marrying him on 01.06.12
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Hi hun
How awful for her, poor luv, give her a big hug from me! Must be the worst feeling in the world.
I don't think there's an easy way to deal with this. Maybe as a way of being sensitive to her, just tell her that you don't want her to feel uncomfortable or be put under any unnecessary emotional strain at your wedding and ask her what she would like to do and what she'd prefer not to, let her decide what is best for her.
xxx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorgdu
Oh no! Its probably all a bit raw to start asking her abut your wedding plans without seeming a bit insensitive (I do know where you are coming from as your wedding is one of your priorities given its so close) its probably the last thing on her mind.
A bit closer to the time you could ask about the reading, maybe there is an alternative one you could have or perhaps someone else could do the reading if she would prefer. As for bringing a plus one, you could always put her down for one and speak to her about it later, I knoe it means you might have to pay for a place that won't be used but if you can afford it at least it gives her the option to decide closer to the time if she wants to bring a friend.
In terms of supporting her I'm not sure there is much you can do ther than listen whn she wants to talk and be company when she doesn't want to be alone - and obviously try not to get too excited about your wedding in front of her which is probably going to be pretty tough.
CommentAuthorbrilly
aww hun thats awful for her maybe have a girly night hun and just tell her u will fully understand if she doesnt want to do the reading if it is gonna be too much for her to handle with whats happened xxx
31st August 2013 I became Mrs Carrick
Cant wait to do it all over again in 2018
CommentAuthorHa_x3
Aww bless her, that's awful :( I personally would give her the choice about involvement xx
Mrs Lunn
08/05/12 was the best day of my life
& I love my husband with all my heart xxxx
Thanks for the advice guys. I think you're right, decision on reading can wait til last minute- if I have one less is no big deal. Have been texting her but just keep saying same things. Feel so sad knowing how she must be feeling! She spent today moving into her sister's so at least she has company. I want to give her fiancé a good talking to- have known him as long as I've known her and I actually got them together! Just want to know why he's done this and why he's been so cold about it- think it wouldn't even so very bad if he was distraught too! Really want to know but guess I shouldn't interfere! X
Met Paul on 01.06.08
Marrying him on 01.06.12
CommentAuthor~feebee~
Aww sorry to hear about your friend. She must be devastated. Unfortunately being cold is how he is coping with the breakup. He doesn't want any hysterics and drama and to be put off from finishing it all. Best she finds out now than after but I know she won't see it like that at the moment
Finally Mrs Grove :)
CommentAuthorInDreamland
I'm sure he'll open up too in his own time.
I think men take breakups differently to us ladies and many men don't show their emotions like we do so he may be dying inside too much just dealing with it in his own way.
All you can do is be be fab supportive mate you already are!
Hugs, chocolate and a sympathetic ear!
xxx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorFitchMcCombe
I'm glad you see that she'll be too tender at the moment to think about wedding stuff but to be honest I would probably discourage her from doing the reading when you do broach the subject.. she's unlikely to be much better in just a month and if she said she wanted to it, i twould most likely only be to not to let you down, so make sure she knows its not a problem, even if you're a little disappointed!
CommentAuthorMrsKisywisy
how awful for her :(
i think you should really play it by ear. if you see that wedding talk is making her emotional, change the subject. ask her honestly if she thinks she'll be able to do the reading. you're really better talking to her about this. ask her what she think she'll be able to cope with.
really awful :( he might be back before you're married. maybe he's going through some things in his head and this is the only way to deal with it...running away from everything (if that makes sense??)
I'M MARRIED!!!
I am now Mrs Bananaman!!!!
13/09/2012 in Peyia Town Hall, Cyprus
CommentAuthorMrsMarr2B
Aww bless this is awful!! Can only imagine what the poor girl is going through!! As the other girls have said the reading can wait until nearer the time but I also think that you should try to discourage her from doing the reading! I think she will still be very distraught and probably not emotionally strong enough to do the reading without breaking down xx
Mrs Marr 2 b!!! Can't blooming wait!!
10-11-12 can't come quick enough :)
CommentAuthorShirleygirly
I think she's lucky to have a friend like you who is so worried about hurting her feelings 5 weeks before your wedding. As far as the numbers are concerned I would still count one more person, from what I've heard from friends who are getting married there are quite often last minute mind changers that need to be squeezed in. If she doesn't want to bring somebody else then you may be able to use that place elsewhere. It would be hard to ask her at this stage. She must be feeling destroyed, if only we had a manual on the minds of men we might be able to understand why they do these things. I hope things work out for you hun, I know it's not happening to you but this is the kind of thing that will stress you out during the big countdown so take time out to think about yourself too.
I can't wait until 29/06/2013
The day I marry the man of my dreams!
