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Wedding Forum - How do I lose a bridesmaid?!?!?!...

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  1.  
    • Bubbles
      CommentAuthorBubbles
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: May 17th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Basically, I got engaged with my partner over a year before my friend got engaged with hers. I asked her to be a bridesmaid and she accepted and was fine until we started getting more serious about the wedding. Considering I have always been there for her and always keep promises or am there whenever she may need me... sadly the same amount of respect is not reciprocated. A massive argument was caused over my wedding to do with dates ect... I booked my venue ect back last year before she got engaged. Sadly she seems to be being very competitive about our weddings even to the point of rushing hers and booking hers next to ours (completely fine if that's what hits the right chord for her). Although she keeps letting my down and it has even got to the point where I've thought about saying everyone who attends the fittings for their dresses I will pay for alterations just because I feel like she can't be trusted to come to anything... even to the point she might actually back out of coming to the whole day that's how bad it has got... or she would show up to judge her own. I have made a decision and have done a lot of thinking and talking with my partner about "dropping" her as a bridesmaid. I have no idea how to go about it or how to approach the matter. I'm getting married next year but how she has made me feel over the situations discussed and much more I don't feel I want her at my wedding all together. Help and honesty much appreciated.
  2.  
    • AlexN29
      CommentAuthorAlexN29
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: May 17th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Just be honest, just say because she is planning her wedding you feel like she isn't able to give you the time you need. Say that it would be better for her to just focus on her own wedding and not have the pressure of being your bridesmaid.
  3.  
    • Bubbles
      CommentAuthorBubbles
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: May 17th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thank you very much!

    We had that discussion when she booked her wedding just before my date and I politely opted out of being a bridesmaid as I felt it wasn't fair on either of us and she went and booked her wedding for a month after ours but still wanted us to be each others bridesmaids. I've seen so many people say they've been having problems with people being competitive it's so sad!
  4.  
    • AprilS61
      CommentAuthorAprilS61
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: May 17th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    It's a shame she being like that. But as above, tell her if she doesn't have time to be a part of your wedding then she's more than welcome to just be a guest (or a witness if you still want her to be a part of it) so she has the time to concentrate on her own day too. That way it sounds like you're not dumping her, just giving her the option to pull out. Hope shes ok with it when you speak to her x

    Members signature icon
    Mr & Mrs Swan 04/04/15


  5.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 9 years ago
      Posted: May 17th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    i agree with taking the tack of her own wedding .. i mean how can you expect her to help ypi out when she is trying to arrange her own .. its just too much to ask

  6.  
    • *The NewMrsMalin*
      CommentAuthor*The NewMrsMalin*
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: May 17th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     


    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    Got together on12th May 2011, proposed on the 12th May 2013
    When you get knocked down; smile and pick yourself up again!
    Fight for what you believe in!
  7.  
    • Cassspurr
      CommentAuthorCassspurr
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: May 17th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Its a shame that people are like that.

    I agree with the other ladies, definatly go for the gving you more time to make you day the best that you can do.
  8.  
    • Bubbles
      CommentAuthorBubbles
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 3rd 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thank you everyone for your good advice!! I am going to talk to her and use her wedding to be tactful. I think a serious chat is needed as have bigger fish to fry with her sadly and would prefer it if we weren't there for either of each others weddings. I think the most important thing about having bridesmaids and maid of honor is loyalty and trust why else would you choose people so close to you!

    Thank you for kind words and advice. Feel more positive and filled with a bit of confidence :) xx
  9.  
    • CommentAuthorFranM76
      Posted: Jun 4th 2014
      BadgeBadge
     
    Let us know how you get on, it's sad but true, weddings do seem to bring out the beast in some people xx
  10.  
    • CommentAuthorMrsManiatt
      Posted: Jun 4th 2014
      BadgeBadge
     
    I'm with the others, use her day as am excuse! Let us know how she reacts! xxx
  11.  
    • *KelBel*
      CommentAuthor*KelBel*
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jun 4th 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I'd want to know what her big problem is! Definitely speak to her,she sounds a right one x

    Members signature icon
    Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
    Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
    Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
    Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
  12.  
    • VictoriaL46
      CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 4th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
      edited
     
    I originally had five bridesmaids and at the first few hurdles I realised two of them had to be dropped. It was really hard to do because they are friends who I love very much but they both pretty much showed next to no interest in giving any help and there were a few comments made that concerned me. When MOH, DBM(I call her Deputy Bridesmaid because she is the one who lives nearby and is helping tons) and BM tried engaging them in plans like hen do etc, they showed no interest again and brought up more hurdles. In the end I took them aside and was honest, I need bridesmaids who are going to help me, I have no parents or a close relationship with my sister so support is key, one of the two was relieved as she felt she can now relax as a guest and enjoy herself while the other didn't speak to me for two months until my sister bumped into her and told her she was being silly.

    So now I have 3 very supportive and fantastic women who seem to be a force unto themselves being honest with their opinions and keen to do the work.

    Members signature icon
    Met in Nov 2005
    Engaged 13th June 2013
    Becomes Mrs Stewart on 10th Aug 2015 Honeymoon in Florida!
    My Diary Thread: My Alice in Wonderland Wedding Diary
  13.  
    • Bubbles
      CommentAuthorBubbles
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 7th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Hello everyone!

    Well... As it stands she still fully believes that we can be bridesmaid for each other and unfortunately clearly did not listen to a thing I was telling her.

    I started off by say how I thought it was going to be difficult when she was booking her wedding 3 months before mine but now it's near on impossible for us to be there for each other now she's booked hers 1 months and couple of days after mine!

    Her response was no I will be completely focused on yours ect and I said it would be unfair for her to focus on mine when she has her own to attend to which was my pint to her when we had this discussion the first time round.

    I explained how I felt she would let me down as being reliable has not been one of her many strong points which got into a massive taboo. She let me down before I recently went on holiday. I am use to her letting me down but it was more the fact she let my partner down more than anything.

    I said I didn't feel like we were close friends anymore and that I had been loosing respect for her over the years over her lies and ditching me as and when it suited her. How she acted about my engagement and slated my wedding to a mutual friend.

    All was denied :/. I have received text after text about how reliable she will be and if there is anything I need ect she is the one to call ect even sending me wedding info that she thinks I might want to know.

    I'm not trying to be bitchy but in my eyes she hasn't changed in 6 years I don't see it happening now. I feel like it is just for her competitiveness over the weddings and I want to steer well clear of it! How I see it I could get married in front of a biffa bin as long has it was with my partner :).

    I'm at the point where I just feel like cutting her out all together but right now she's not grasping the basics.

    So I think this is to be continued...
  14.  
    • Nelinde
      CommentAuthorNelinde
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jun 8th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    You have my complete sympathy :(
    I was in the same spot recently with my chief bridesmaid who was supposed to be helping me plan my wedding! But the fact was after a year of said planning she'd done nothing to help whatsoever! Her idea of helping me stay within budget was trying to get rid of things completely and sending me links for cheap tat from places like bargain home!
    It all came to a head when I got her to try on her bridesmaids dress and shoes and she complained about every aspect my gawd I wanted to scream!
    A short while after this event she sent me a message on book of face saying how she felt that we were clashing a lot and she didn't want to lose a friendship so she was declining on being my bridesmaid.... I was fine with this as it was stress I could really do without!
    A few weeks later without any word or reason she removed me as a friend on book of face lol....... Her loss not mine!
    Some people are simply not worth the hassle and tbh your bridesmaid in question sounds like one of these!
    If you've started too question your friendship then you sound like you need to get shot of her altogether :/
    Good luck!

    Members signature icon
    Getting ready to marry my soul mate! :-D


  15.  
    • Bubbles
      CommentAuthorBubbles
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 9th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I'm sorry to hear that!! It is such a shame and completely unbelievable!! I can't believe the attitude of some people sometimes...

    I don't see men getting like this with their mates over weddings!
    It's true weddings bring out the beast in some women...

    I just received a text from her today offering a pamper day... :/ and it's not that I wouldn't love to do it, it's knowing it's for all the wrong reasons.

    Sadly I think she's going to be more upset about loosing a lappy and not being able to compare weddings...

    It is shocking that weddings can brake friendships... I really do not understand it! It is suppose to be a happy and loving time. Me and my partner had a few people act odd to start with but soon got over their issues, this has become a joke.

    Thank you hope your finding everything less stressful!!
 
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