Wedding Forum - How do I ask my dad to help pay for the wedding? - Page 1

Wedding Forum - How do I ask my dad to help pay for the...

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Help: How do I ask my dad to help pay for the wedding?

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- CommentAuthorPuddleduck87
Hi girls
My dad has always said from me being tiny "I have 3 girls, thats 3 weddings to pay for" and has always said he will pay for the wedding. I have been engaged for 3 years now and really want to start the ball rolling and get married.
The thing is none of my family seem interested and when I asked my dad about contributing he just said he would have to have a think about a figure.
That was 2 months ago now and he still won't tell me how much he will be paying for. I have already had to give my dream venue up as I didn't want to put a deposit down until I knew we could afford it. I went to a wedding fair on Sunday and when I tried to tell him about it he didn't take me on.
I don't want to be all "Look right are you paying for my wedding or what!!!" but its really frustrating me. If he says he can't contribute I don't have a problem with that at all. I just need to find out my budget.
What do you think?
- CommentAuthorMrs (Dove) Pidgeon
Say you are trying to work out a budget and want to know if he wants to help. Its a difficult subject.

Now a extremely happy German housewife and now a Mother!!!!
Islay Jean born 24th June in Hannover.
- CommentAuthorPuddleduck87
That doesn't seem to work though Dove. He just says, well I need to have a think. Its the same everytime I ask. I don't want to sound spoilt or disrespectful by demanding to know. But right now - That looks like my only option. I love my dad so I don't want to upset him.
- CommentAuthorMrs (Dove) Pidgeon
The other option is to plan as though who will recieve no help and take any money he gives you as a bonus.

Now a extremely happy German housewife and now a Mother!!!!
Islay Jean born 24th June in Hannover.
- CommentAuthorRelfy
I would say that you want to start organising the wedding, that he did mention about helping but make it clear that you dont expect him to.
Last year my sister annouced she was getting married and phoned everyone in the family and asked 'who is paying for what' it really pushed a few noses out of joint. x x

- CommentAuthorjellytot
make him a cupa then face to face tel him that you are ready to start planning and want to set a date and get the ball rolling. then nicely ask him if hes willing to help out financially. if he says again that he needs to think then i would start planning without his help and mention everynow and again that you are struggling. maybe ask your mum or another family member to spk to him? it could be that he wants to see how serious u r about getting married before he puts money into it.x
- CommentAuthorPuddleduck87
ooofff I bet it did. Oooh no I couldn't do that! Asking my dad who has already volunteered is causing me too much of a problem as it is. haha.
Yeah dove I might have to, but Im not going to be too happy because he always said he would pay for what traditionally he should and I can't afford all of that unless I do it on a small budget and sacrifice loads. Its the difference between a registery office and a buffet in a pub or my dream wedding in the venue I want with a sit down meal.
If he says he can't afford to pay anything though I will totally understand and be fine about it, just postpone and and arrange it when WE can afford to pay for it all but it would be nice to know if we can do it now.
- CommentAuthorPinkberry
I would make it clear to him that you don't expect anything. Is it maybe the case he promised it years ago but no can not afford it? You need to make it clear you will not think less of him if he does not help out. Maybe that is why he is using delaying tactics?
- CommentAuthorMrs (Dove) Pidgeon
Research and make an approx budget- cost of venue, catering, dress, photogrpaher, cars suit hire, cake, BMs etc. Take this to your dad and show him. Unless one of your sisters got married recently he probably has no ideas about costs and this will help to focus him slightly.

Now a extremely happy German housewife and now a Mother!!!!
Islay Jean born 24th June in Hannover.
- CommentAuthorPuddleduck87
Maybe. I think I'm gonna give him a call now and see what he says, if I do it now its done and I don't have to worry about it. lol.....ooofff I feel like a naughty kid. Does that sound silly?
I'v never borrowed or asked them for anything even when I was moving out, I did it all myself so this is all alien. lol
- CommentAuthorSuzi
Aww im sure your dad will be there to help out hun! Let us know how you get on ;o) x

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- CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs Nicol
good luck puddleduck87, we are paying for ours ourselves so we have to save enough each month to be able to put depoisits down on everything... we will all get there eventually... :)
- CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
what about asking him to come veiw then venue with you .....with the ......"well dad what do you think can we afford this ?"

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- CommentAuthorMrs Rebecca Hossfeld
Same here, me & Adam are paying for it all ourselves, my dad has recently said he would pay for our venue but we had budgeted for us to pay it, so less for us to think about.

My family in law to be have been a blessing to me as his younger sister has offered her house as the reception (only 23 guests total anyways including us & did not want to pay surcharges for under 100 guests), his bro-in-law is a DJ so he will probably do the entertainment for us & my dad's GF is making our wedding cake & centre pieces so all in all, we're doing really good so far.

Oh & the sisters-in-law to be & one through marriage are going to be helping me with a DIY buffet for the reception too :)

The thing I found is I can not actually rely on my family too much, they back out, break promises or ask me to bail them out but don't seem to return the favour for me, that's why I never bothered asking any of my family to help out as such.

If they do..my dad included they wahey, if not, me & Adam have got it covered anyways :)

The dream venue you want..do they reduce the amount they ask for out of season at all..do they do any deals..like venue, plus food etc for such & such..it's all worth asking about.
- CommentAuthorPossum
I hope you find out. It's hard with family and finance, because you can't ask them to pay, but at the same time he has offered...
Why not set a date and tell him you will be getting married on blah blah, and you don't know what sort of place to look at. Would he like to help out with the budget or should you just book somewhere you know you can afford.
xx
- CommentAuthorpurple26
it is a tough one, i didnt expect anything from my dad, but he's given me money to put towards the wedding and he's paying for the evening reception. the only thing i can think of is too keep dropping hints or try and work out a budget and see how much it will cost you, maybe showing him broken down costs will be more appealing then thinking he has to pay for the whole thing x
- CommentAuthorButterflyDreamer
Oohh hun this is a tricky one especially if he has always maintained he was going to pay. Maybe if you tried gathering wedding and menu brochures, sat down with him and compared prices ect... he may see that you arent expecting him to pay the earth for your wedding and that you have been sensible by researching different places and cheaper prices. I agree with EILOWNY instead of giving up your dream venue ask about all inclusive wedding packages ect.... and find out if they'd be willing to make and individual package for you?? if they do ask them to give you the figures in writting then show your dad. Your dad may seem like he's not intrested but maybe he just can't get his head around the fact one of his Daughters is getting married!
I'm not even going to ask my dad to help me to pay! I couldn't ..i found it difficult asking Him to give me away.
Good luck hun i really hope you get things sorted out (Sorry if i semmed like im babbling)xxx
- CommentAuthorKaz133
Im in a slightly different boat,as its just my mum,and shes only got her pension.Shes flapping because she cant pay.Instead Iv said and birthday or xmas present to be money,and i will put it away for my wedding.That way she is still helping.Who needs presents when theres the most important day of your life to pay for right?! I was thinking maybee you could ask the same,and maybee he will get the hint? Sorry cant be more help.x
- CommentAuthorwelshcerys
Puddleduck - howabout just asking him to pay for a certain thing like the food/venue or something? That way you dont have to wait for him to give you a figure
- CommentAuthorMrs Daltry
id simply ask him out right,are you helping or not,i need to know so i can work out my budget and it cant wait any longer
- CommentAuthormrs pinkalice
yeah you just need to come out and ask it straight up. my dad kept saying yes we'll help you as we helped lucy (my sister) but i needed to know a figure so just kept asking him till he coughed up! xx

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