So to cut a very long story short my oh dosnt not get on with his mum. She was horrible and abusive to everyone when he was growing up, so much so that none of the family speak to her (one of his sisters has just started to again).
She is disabled as in she is in a wheelchair and requires carers 4 times a day. She is also very manipulative and will try and get away with not doing anything but lie in bed. She is perfectly able to pick up a phone and organise things if she wants to.
2 years ago when we booked the wedding I wrote down the date and said she needed to get her care sorted and arrangements. When we handed the invite to her at xmas (6 months after the std) we said dont rsvp until you have you care sorted. Sounds harsh but we live 4 hours away and we have a whole wedding to arrange, we dont want to have to arrange this too when she is able. She said ok.
Now the deadline has come and gone, my ih rang her and she asked if he could call the local hotels (they are listed on the invite next to her bed with all numbers and prices) but when he asked if she had her care sortex she said she had to go.
My question is how much would you chase? Our final numbers wih menu choices have to be in in just over a week. She has had years to do this and bith my oh and I refuse to organise it for her. I just know if I say she is coming without her organising it now we will get a teary call the day before the wedding and be expected to sort it out. Equally we dont want to be seen as the bad guys for refusing to let her come (which im sure is how she will remember this!)
Help!!
CommentAuthorKirsty
Sorry for the spelling mistakes, silly phone!
CommentAuthorLauraK7
edited
It's a hard one maybe give her one more chance saying you need to know if it's sorted as food has to be in and if you don't know by then that's tough and you won't be sorting anything for her after so she knows where she stands with it all
CommentAuthorBecky1608
I would try a couple more times and just explain how important it is that you have a definite answer. Good luck hun, it sounds like a tricky situation xxx
29/09/2008 - The Day we met
12/11/2008 - When we decided to be more than friends
04/11/2012 - A proposal in Central Park NYC
08/11/2014 - The day we say I do!
CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs M
if she wanted to be there she would have moved heaven and earth already to get there
8th September 2012 I married my best friend
1st September 2014 our little family grew by one
Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde
As long as you think we are not being too unreasonable!
We will try again tonight as see. Trouble is she will always come up with an excuse and then tell everyone we are stopping her going! !
CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs M
just make it clear to everyone that this isn't the case hun, you have given her plenty of notice to organise it and if she hasn't then its up to her, your also chasing/reminding her so there is no excuse really
8th September 2012 I married my best friend
1st September 2014 our little family grew by one
Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde
CommentAuthorKirsty
Well he is making the call tonight so well see what she says. I just feel terrible for him as he will feel.torn on the day if she doesn't pull her finger out. I mean its her sons wedding, you would have thought she would be chomping at the bit to get there!
CommentAuthorKirsty
So she hasnt got anything sorted, has asked care workers but says they habe been indecisive. She actually said she would drive up (her licence was revoked a decade ago and she has no car)
It unbelievable really. When he said she needs to get back to us within the week she said why. Well the deadline was 2 weeks ago and we need final numbers for the venue!!
She is infuriating!
We just dont know what we are going to do if in a week she still has nothing sorted! I really want to scream at her.
CommentAuthorElizabethF49
Oh gosh what a horrid situation, I think I'd be inclined to sort the care etc for her, I know you don't want to do that as it sounds like she is just being lazy and is more than capable but how upset will your h2b be if she isn't there and then she makes yous out to be the bad guys. I get why you don't want to organise it for her though.
After 7 years and 11 months he proposed to me 18.10.13
Our son is 5 years old and our world
Getting married 15.08.15.
Life hasnt been easy but we have each other :)
CommentAuthorKirsty
Well in the past I have tried to arrange things for her but her social worker womt speak to me as im not family. The oh is refusing to arrange anything at all and hates the fact we even have to call to chase her up!
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
Really if the social worker won't talk to you, then you h2b should be speaking to them! It is his mum! ... But yes I agree with the others,I think it sounds like she's waiting it out to get u two to sort it x
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
CommentAuthorDonnaH39
I think you need to speak to your fiancé and see what he really wants. I can understand why he doesn't want to sort out the care for her because she could do it herself, BUT it's not down to you to do it even if you could, he needs to decide if he either wants to sort it out so she's there, or risk her not sorting it out and not having her there. I think he should also be the one to tell her to pull her finger out and sort it if it comes to that as well.
