Put a status on Facebook stating this : that just to let the ones invited to hen do that I wanna get it booked by the end of the month as I have 5 deposits already and don't think it's fair for the ones already paid to have to pay an increased price as they've not flapped about....

So get a txt of my moh saying that as she can't commit right now so she's not coming (her auntie got hit by a car and died last year and she's had a bit of anxiety when travelling in cars) ... We are planning on York for my hen do (which had been Edinburgh to begin with but at 6hrs away she didn't wanna be that far from family so I moved it to York an hr away) .... Now bit miffed she's blaming anxiety for not coming when she's literally just been away for 5 days to London and Norwich (roughly 5hrs away) !!
And also another of my friends who's just had a baby about 7wks ago and got married last year ( I went on her hen do to centre parcs which cost me £110 just to get there without anything on top) is saying she can't afford it as she's not sure she's going bk to work (yet her hubby is on about £40k a year and spends nearly £1k going to Leeds fest every year)
All I've asked is a £20 deposit now then they can go on the hen do site and pay £10 a month til it's paid next June .... Which I personally (living on my own with 3daughters doesn't think is too bad)!!

I feel well and truly mugged off and just feel like cancelling it and putting a really snotty Facebook message along the lines of:

Hen do is cancelled! I'm not having one since a few have let me down or ignored blatant nudges...in fact tempted to uninvite and save myself £100 per couple on food.... But then I would feel guilty about it...which is how a 'real' friend should feel! Very disappointed when I have made so much effort in the past

I just feel they are taking but not giving friendship bk in return! Feeling very angry and sad right now!

I hate people like this, its people you have invested time into and go out of your way to put in effort but do not do you the same couresty! I been feeling the same about some of my friends! And this is ages before i have even got to the point to start planning my hen, lets just say i can feel a premonition coming about them saying that they cannot afford it (but they will go Comic Con ) which is more important to them!

Oh Kel that's not good. I'd be miffed at moh too. At first I was thinking she can't help anxiety but if she's been away then that does t really stand up.

Hard as it is (I know I'd be like you), you need to rise about it and enjoy it with the people that do go

Go and enjoy yourself and make them regret they did not go hun!

Kel I can totally understand why you feel like this - that's really disappointing. If I were you I'd go and enjoy your hen night with the ones who actually make an effort to be there. Don't let a few people rob you of your hen! X

Sounds like an expensive hen do to be fair.... Unfortunately, people's circumstances have changed and althoug it is a once in a lifetime thing (your wedding) your hen do may not be as high up their priority list as your wedding, and say, leeds fest which might be within another circle of friends, very important, plus having a child does change things and if she's not employed and has previously committed to other things financially, then you can't expect EVERYONE to show... I have 14 I want to invite, but I know some won't come for various reasons, but I won't be holding it against them... They'll send me well wishes and be there on my day which is the more important bit.

These girls maybe considering the cost of coming to your wedding too ... new outfit, travel, hotels (if necessary), cost of a gift, childcare etc... So go enjoy yourself and don't see it as them being malicious or not wanting to celbrate with you... just your priorities are not going to be the same as theirs, especially when significant amounts of cash are involved... even on a payment plan.

Yes it is good value...but it is still a lot of money! I'm in a well paid job and with trying to pay off some debts and save for the wedding and a house, that would be too much for me! Especially as I have other friends and family members getting amrried soon so have to fork out for their dos too... it's all got to be looked at as a big picture, as unfortunate and annoying as it may be... You have to decide whats more important, they're there and can afford to be so, or you have a £110 per person extravaganza! It's a hard call I know.

If they can't afford it but they are really close friends why not do a second mini hen with them in a local town? Then you get the big one with those that can afford it but still get to celebrate with those that are in difficult circumstances right now but will want to celebrate with you in a year's time.

That's a good idea x

wow Kel that is a good deal and it sounds like you're doing pretty much what I want to do. Could you please post the details of the hotel and the cocktail making on my wall?

I would take it personally that some people are not going to be there, also if the Hen do isnt until next June I wouldnt feel I was in a position to commit to it so far in advance, people dont know what is going to change in their work life/personal life or how they will be doing financially that far in advance.
My hen do is the 1st weekend in September and have only just booked the accommodation and asked people for money. I've kept my hen do to Edinburgh which is easy for everyone to get too and isn't too expensive.
£110 sounds good for the package you have got, but do remember that that £110 (plus any drinks etc Im guessing), plus everything they will have to spend for the wedding.
I would say go with the girls who want to or do something you really want to do with the people that want to be there. I set up an event on facebook and have messages to say that theres no obligation on anyone to do any of it, if they want to join us they are more than welcome but I do appreciate that most of our friends have kids. Good luck, I hope it works out how you want xx

I can totally understand your frustration as I've downscaled my hen do 3 times and its now coming out at £50 for cupcake class in Manchester city centre with cupcakes to keep and 2 course meal afterwards and mini bus there and back. I'm only taking £20 from my hens as the cupcake class needs paying in advance the meal is payable on the night but after taking the first £5 (deposit) with not any major problems I've know been waiting for the next £5 for 7 weeks of some of them :( x I decided to ask for £5 every few months but I'm wishing I hadn't as its like getting blood from a stone and I'm not even half way through :(
It's extremely disheartening but as my OH says its our wedding that's why it means everything to us but its not everyone else's top priority but its still upsetting x

Kel, If you want to change/cancel it, its your perogative. Trust me, hen do's are over-rated. People thunk its "just a night out" etc when it means something to you. Just have your close friends and you go for a drink.

I had people cancel on me at the last minute - I had 12 people coming Friday morning and 6 by Friday night - So Jez and our male friends came too. One of my friends said no matter what she wouldnt let me down and she has loads of problems getting their motorbike sorted but she and her hubby drove all the way in the pouring rain on the motorbike. That shows who your true friends are.... Some of my "friends" had colds.....!!!

Aww Kel Bel I feel for you, I know how fustrating it can be when you give a 110% to only get 10% back! Truth is I absolutely hate hen dues mainly because of this reason! I am marrying abroad so I am going to have a relaxing booze cruise one afternoon with the girls travelling with me for my hen and for those at home I am just going to a local pub for food and drinks with my work friends (both male and female) and anyone else who wants to come.

Mrs Wright is correct, hen dues really are over-rated. The basic you keep it the more likely you will get a higher attendance. x