Can anyone offer any help/advice on how we can cut our Guest List numbers? I'm one of these people that likes to try and please everyone and doesn't like anyone feeling left out etc which then doesn't help me and causes extra stress!!
We started off with estimates of 50 guests for the day and 100 for the evening which my parents (who's paying for the majority of the wedding) were happy with. However i've since managed to convince them that we should invite 60 people for the day as it's highly unlikely all 60 will attend, however if we invite 50 and less attend, they will still get charged for 50 due to the minimum numbers rule at our venue and i'd rather 50 people eat, then them pay for 50 and it be wasted money.
Anyway so with thinking we had a few more people, the guest list suddenly grew and it's now closer to 70!! :-S I'm trying to think of where we can make cuts, i.e. not have plus 1's and thinking would they invite me to their wedding etc but i'm too soft and finding it hard where to draw the line. My friend said she's not been invited to weddings before even when she's been very close to the couple but her mum and dad have, whereas with my guests i'm trying to include family friends grown up children and their plus 1's which is proving inpossible as they'll then take up an entire table at my wedding breakfast.
Sorry to go on but can anyone help please?!?
CommentAuthormicky
im having same problem and now it looks like we ve got more family coming over from new zealand which we didnt account for, so i understand were your coming from:-)
CommentAuthorsamwiseheart
could you not ask people to make a donation to the meal so they will definately be oming, and if they dont attend you not completely out of pocket as you would of gotten some of your money back that you could spend on other stuff, just an idea. im not much help as im just a buffet girl, but i hope it helped in some way xxx
CommentAuthorRags
I have had to be very tight when it comes to my guest list, so I know where you're coming from. First and foremost - just coz they're family doesn't mean they have to come, I have talked it through with my dad and his brothers and sister can't come to the day as inviting one means inviting them all. I have also had to be really cruel when it comes to my friends, but then again I am having a guest list of people who care about me, and him, who we see regularly and who we care about being there, rather than inviting for pomp and ceremony. Good Luck and I hope you find a way of cutting it that works for you.
Failing all else just say "have you any idea how much it costs to have a wedding these days! If it means that much to you come watch through the window while we get married and come to the night do as there just isn't room in the budget for you, you random who I never see, who never rings me to see how I'm doing."
I'm now a married woman
I have a gorgeous husband
Whats to do now
Theres no more wedding planning to do
CommentAuthorTsukijin
Here are some ways I've had to use to remove people from my list. Sounds a bit cold but I have venue restrictions of 60 and my list was creeping up to 130+ with my nana and mil constantly adding people to it!!!!
Consider if you see some of the people at any other time than weddings/funerals and whether you make a concious effort to spend time with each other. If the answer to either of those questions is no then remove them from the list.
Do you know their partners? Have you ever met them? If the answer is no then that person doesn't really need a +1 but check that there are other people there that they know and can talk to and explain kindly on your invite about the financial situation.
Invite children of immediate family only. Make it clear to other guests with children that due to numbers your invitation is only for those named on it. Remember some people will not have the childcare to leave their children and may not be able to attend.
As Rags said, being family doesn't mean an automatic invite. If you have a friend that you are closer to than say, cousin grizelda, invite the friend instead! It's whoever means the most to you that you want to share your day with!
xx
eru, shiteiru ka? shinigami wa ringo shika tabenai?
^_^
I was going to say to not invite children. Our venue hold a maximum of 100 so I don't want to invite children to our night do ( except our 2 girls and oh's 2 nieces) but oh doesn't think it's a good idea. With alot of his cousins having 3-4 kids each I do! X
CommentAuthorBridezilla
It's one of the most difficult things to decide, and no matter how hard you try to make everybody happy, somebody will be upset. Guaranteed. Everybody needs to accept this fact from the get go, and not blame themselves when it happens. It's just a wedding fact of life.
Since it's never possible to please everybody, focus on pleasing yourself. Why not try assigning a ranking number to each person you have on the potential guest list? 1 = would not be the same without them there, 5 = would make no difference to the day if they were there or not.
Then see how many categories fit into your budget. If you can only manage to invite half of a category, (e.g. category 3) you will have to rank people within that group to see who you invite. If anybody is unable to come, you can offer additional invites to people left on your list.
Stick to your guns, and remember it's your day and what you want matters above what everybody else wants. Good luck! :)
CommentAuthorbridalmiss
I invited all of my family as we're close - then for friends we invited those we're close with but if they're married with kids etc, and we don't know them that well, then I've only invited my friends and not their individual families. As soon as we decided this I emailed/texted friends in said group, and explained that due to numbers was it ok if I only invited them and not the others, I was suprised that all of them were glad to come without their kids and saw it as a day out! Only one asked if her husband and kids could come along as she really wanted us to meet, so I've said that's fine and they're coming to the evening only. My uni friends I've only invited them as two are married with 3 kids each, another two have partners etc, so instead of inviting 14 I've just got the 4 on the list - on the invites which I'm sending out in December I'm writing the individual names of the people I'm inviting so it's clear.
We basically didn't do the 'they invited us to their wedding so we need to do the same' route, we had a think about the people who we wanted most to see us get married - and anyone who we'd not been in contact with for over a year through either emails, person, or FB we decided not to invite. I've also got a friend who I've known for 15 years but since Jan she hasn't been in touch, and hasn't even congratulated us on the engagement - she always assumed she'd be a bridesmaid but as she hasn't been in touch she's not even made the list!
I've also been warned about inviting more so you can count on declines - I've heard that it's rare for people to decline an invitation so don't bank on it! If anything I'd invite who you want to, then if you go below minimum numbers then consider promoting some evening only guests to daytime guests etc...
CommentAuthorBridezilla
Oh I absolutely agree with avoiding the "they invited us so we have to invite them" feeling of obligation. Each person's criteria and budget are different. Also the number of family members, close friends and acquaintances differs for each couple, so it doesn't make sense to invite people just because you happened to make the cut at their wedding.
Also, don't forget that your relationship with people changes through the years. Somebody whose wedding you attended a couple of years ago might have completely disappeared out of your life by now, and been replaced by someone else who you see all the time. Deciding who is important to you right now is the key, I think.
CommentAuthorbecky -mrs firth
we aint havin kids at my weddin, and partners only invited if been together at least a year
Engaged 27th November 2010
Hen Do Newcastle 2nd June 2012
Marrying the man of my dreams 11th August 2012!
Honeymoon To Jamaica 14th October 2012
CommentAuthoremmaaa
We're not quite up to this problem yet, but I can see it being a massive headache for us too! We could happily cut our family list down to about 10, but politics and "obligations" are gonna take it up to about 35 minimum, and we'll have to be massively harsh (no partners / kids / extended family etc) to keep it under that, that's before any friends are invited! Our ceremony package is for 50, with a venue capacity of 56! Really not looking forward to that part, but we'll probably adopt some sort of ranking system for it too. I'd agree with having a reserve guestlist for the ceremony/breakfast, rather than inviting more, it's more awkward to uninvite people than to invite them to the ceremony!
CommentAuthorGazza 122
We decided to only invite children from the immediate family only. That instantly cut our guest list down by 25! (our venue is not particularly child friendly right next to the river!) I decided against inviting most of my family as they dont bother with me at all and we only see each other if there is a funeral, after all it is us who are paying - not my family so thats easier there...also with Kev's friends...i asked if he could invite the 'ravers' to the evening and save seats at the main do for his closer mates. xx i hope you manage to work it all out - its the biggest headache i have come across so far :) xx
CommentAuthorbridalmiss
We didn't really have this problem as we did the essential guest list first, then thought about venues that could cater for that size of group - thankfully the first one I thought of and the first one we contacted could so we were cooking on gas straight away! My essential family alone was 68, his is 12, so we were at 80 without any friends - we're now at 155 for the day and an extra 40 for the evening :-)
CommentAuthorLolaMay0412
edited
I was having the same issue. We are having just 30 for the whole day. So, I spoke to my mum, and she suggested doing the guests in 'layers'.
So, go back to the start, and put down all the people who definitely have to be there - i.e. Parents, siblings, grandparents. Then put down the people that you couldn't imagine not being there - i.e. close aunts/uncles/cousins, best friends.Then do the people that you probably should invite - distant relatives (or those not so close), old family friends. And lastly the people that you inviting because its polite - i.e. plus ones, friends that suddenly appear when there is free food to be had, your sisters boyfriends cousins waxer, etc etc.
Then start from the invited to be polite layer, and cut from there through the layers until you get the number you want.
Hope this helps. :)
CommentAuthorOWB
It is tough isn't it. We're only having 70 to the entire thing. My list was easy, it comes to 23. The OHs list is currently at around 70. I've told him that there's no way I'm cutting back my list as I'm already heavily outnumbered. We spoke to the MIL on Sunday about it, she's quite ruthless, and told him to start with friends and then let families fill any gaps - which I thought was very good advice!
If only life could be one long tea break
CommentAuthorBridezilla
@ OurWeddingBlog - your MIL sounds like she could be a great asset, especially as it's her own family that would suffer the chop if you follow her method. Nobody would dare to argue with her, I'm sure :)
CommentAuthor*~Nicola~*
edited
Just want to say thanks to each and every one of you for your replies. :)
You've definately gave me something to think about and discuss with H2B. I like the ideas of the layers & grading system to look at how to cut people and definately need to consider who i've been in touch with recently. I'm no longer on FB so i can now see how it's been a while since I spoke to some people and so they're not as important to me as I first thought.
I'm also feeling more positive about not listing +1's as when i realised how many there'd be I was racking up nearly 10 complete strangers at our day!?!? I wouldn't invite 10 strangers round to my house for a meal so why should I let my parents pay for them one at our wedding!! :) If my single guests don't want to come without their latest squeeze (long term partners/married couples etc excluded) they can come at night!! I'll ensure if there are any singles that they're put in with other groups they know and so aren't alone.
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Edited: I'm so happy i've re-looked at my list and got it down to 60! (61 max!) I'm sure my parents will be alot happier with this outcome and then if people don't drop out i've got a few extra day guests without going OTT with strangers/people i've not spoken to in ages etc... Can't wait to show H2B will certainly be a weight lifted if he's happy with it too :)
CommentAuthorRags
Glad you got it sorted honey. I managed to get my list right down, now when I look at the table settings I think I have to put a couple of people back on the list. But not to worry nowts set in stone until the invites go out, plus I have a couple of people who I can ask to wait outside while we have the ceremony if needs be (the bit where we say I do and namely bridesmaids oh) then they can come to the photos and the meal and the shinanigans.
I'm now a married woman
I have a gorgeous husband
Whats to do now
Theres no more wedding planning to do
