Hi All - I'm new to this, so hopefully I do it all correct and make sense! I need some advice when it comes to family.

My nephew is 16, and has recently left home for the second time, to live with his 14 Year old Girlfriend and her family!! He has been no end of trouble for my sister for the last 2 years and if I'm honest, I'm not sure I even like him anymore. He has turned into a complete brat despite the fact that he has had a lovely life so far.... His 14 Year old girlfriend is also trouble with a capital T! she smokes drugs, drinks, never goes to school even though she is at a school especially designed to help troubled children, and frequently runs away from home.
My problem is, my mother wants me to invite her to my wedding! First of all, I said absolutely not, but then I have had my sister on the phone crying to me, begging that I invite, even though they probably wont come anyway! and now I have absolutely no idea what to do! If I'm honest, I don't want the girl anywhere near my wedding! what if she gets drunk or smokes drugs? who is responsible for her? what if my in-laws see her behavior? I tried explaining to my mum that it would cost money to have her on the list, and that it would be a waste if she didn't turn up, to which my mums reply was to just point out that she and my father are paying for the food and reception so that shouldn't be a problem!.... so what do I do? Where do I draw the line? When do I put my foot down and say enough is enough? I'm not even aloud to speak to my Nephew to ask if they think they will even bother to show, in case "I upset someone!"... How many more people will I suddenly "Have" to invite because my parents are contributing??
Sorry for the long post , but if anyone has any advice, that would be great!!

Many Thanks

A stressed out Bride-to-be!!

Sounds like an awful situation to be in! My Inlaws and my mum paid for certain guests of theirs to come- they were family friends who had known me or hubby since we were born. This we had no problem with at all

If I was in your situation, I personally would put my foot down and say although you are thankful for their contribution, you do not want this girl at your wedding. You are afraid she may cause problems and do not want to have that stress hanging over you all day to the point you cannot enjoy the wedding. Surely they should understand? Afterall it is your day and you shold not have people there that may cause problems for you.

I have known people invite guests to teir wedding on the basis that they wont come but it looks good, only for those guests to accept the invitation, so it doesn't always work out the way you plan!

Possibly tell your mum that there are other friends you would rather invite but can't due to space and therefore you don't see it reasonable to invite this girl.

I hope it gets sorted for you, guest lists are always the worst part of any wedding plans!

sorry b00l0cks to what nephew will say ... he needs to grow up ..... send him to me i`ll soon put him in his place

Not saying this is something you should do but just throwing it out there: could you invite just the nephew and not the girlfriend?
Personally I am a soft touch and would have gone along with the request to invite them but only on the condition that the sister (or perhaps your mother) signs a form before the invite goes out to say they agree to be held personally accountable for the behaviour of the nephew and girlfriend as they are minors who you do not trust to act in an appropriately. I would then go on to insist those responsibilities include paying for any damage caused but also x amount should they be found taking drugs or drinking. Knowing my family no one would be willing to sign in that situation and would drop the invite issue.

Invite the nephew not the gf as you don't know her, you should only have the people you want to share your day there with you! Sod the rest of em. If ur nephew turns up fine if not be a use his gf can't then so be it

I would absolutely not invite her, for several reasons:

1) She sounds like trouble

2) She is underage, so someone would have to be responsible for her

3) Your nephew is 16, and therefore not an adult, and as such, he is not entitled to a plus one. As far as etiquette goes, the only people entitled to plus 1s are married couples (though many extend this to other long term adult couples). I would never DREAM of giving a 16 year old a plus 1 for their 14 year old girlfriend

By all means invite him; but I wouldn't invite her.

Thank you all so much! Thats been a great help.... I agree that she shouldn't come, but I'm terrible when it comes to being made to feel guilty! I do let certain people have there way to keep the peace, and not even just in regards to the wedding! So thank you very much for your support, I am now sure that I am doing the right thing. My H2B was very supportive last night and said as a last resort, to save me from getting upset, that if my mother wanted her there, she would have to understand that she would be solely responsible for her and that he would personally make sure that all the staff at the venue knew they were under age and not even allowed a drink to toast......... He just wants me to be happy. Makes me even more certain (if that's possible) that i'm making the best decision of my life marrying this man!

..........Now to be brave a relay this to my mother and sister!........ wish me luck!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Nope I wouldn't want her anywhere near my wedding! Xxx