Wedding Forum - He accused me of WHAT??? *UPDATE*

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  1.  
    • Kerrylou
      CommentAuthorKerrylou
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
      edited
     
    I am far from a happy bunny today!!
    I'm the assistant manager at one of the pubs in town and I work stupid flipping hours and on a weekend we all stay behind after closing for a few beers, usually get home around 3am.
    Anyway, worked on Sunday night and after we locked up a couple of us decided to go for a few jars and I was home a bit later than usual. So it gets to last night and I realised I needed a repeat prescription so I said "Have to go to the health centre" and Ross replies with "What, to get some free c ondoms" and I was like "Why would I need those?" (I'm on the pill) Then he passed a remark about me not coming home until the small hours - so basically he's just stood there and accused me of cheating on him (ffs, why do I bother?)
    Let us not forget that up until Luna was born he lived elsewhere, he used to go out with the lads once a week and I ALWAYS trusted him implicitly so this is a real slap in the face :(

    So with 81 days to go I'm yet again questioning why the hell I'm going through with this - if he seriously thinks I'm at it with someone else then what is the point? I've had enough of him, I'm beyond the point of mental and emotional exhaustion, I feel as rough as a badger's backside because of him and this is just the cherry on top of the cake *sigh*
    xxx

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    "The course of true love never runs smoothly"
    But if it had been easy then we wouldn't love each other as
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  2.  
    • Stave
      CommentAuthorStave
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Wow!
  3.  
    • x ashlil x
      CommentAuthorx ashlil x
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    perhaps he is having wedding nerves too and is just saying silly things. sit down and talk to him hun, put both your minds at rest x
  4.  
    • Kaya
      CommentAuthorKaya
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    Oh hunni. Sending you big hugs xxx

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  5.  
    • Ataraxia
      CommentAuthorAtaraxia
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    Was he serious?! o.O

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  6.  
    • GregorysGirl
      CommentAuthorGregorysGirl
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    Is he scared of losing you? I doubt he really means it but that doesn't make it right that he accuses you especially when you trusted him to go out with his mates. Not surprised you are hopping mad, but behind that you do love him and he loves you, so you both need to sit down and talk and he needs to apologise and understand that he has to have trust in you or it will never work. Other than that I don't know what else to say except I feel for you, it is a horrible feeling to be accused of cheating, especially when there is no truth in it. Big hugs and hope it all works out. xx

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  7.  
    • CommentAuthorloubyscooby
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    Oh Kerry, had hoped after the last spat that all would be well with you guys.... Perhaps he didn't mean it. Huge hugs though and keep your chin up x
  8.  
    • Julie Walker x
      CommentAuthorJulie Walker x
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I have asked h2b when he has been really late home if "she wouldnt let him out of bed" and I have no "she" in mind but I guess it may be to just put my own mind at ease, I know it sounds really daft but I know 100% he isn't up to anything just by his reaction but I cant help but say it. I was cheated on by ex hub and the bloke I lived with before that so I guess a little insecurity creeps in sometimes. Maybe it could be a similar thing? If so then please don't take it personally, it's just a reassurance thing. xx

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  9.  
    • ~*~ Becca ~*~
      CommentAuthor~*~ Becca ~*~
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    honestly is he really wanting to lose the best thing thats happened to him!!? the mother to his children!!! (i know honey isn't his but i would think he sees her as his own)....god how utterly annoying for you hun and indeed a big slap in the face!!!

    definately have a sit down & tell him outright that this wedding won't happen if there's no trust!!! he seems to be intent to tryin to put dents in ur r/ship and your the one thats got to try pick things up and make the effort which you shouldn't have to do!!!

    big hugs to you..certainly dont' need this stress so close to the wedding xxx

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  10.  
    • spooney24
      CommentAuthorspooney24
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    What a silly silly man! You have given him so many chances already to prove himself, you are working your socks off to pay for your wedding and he comes up with this......I feel like jumping in my car and driving down to give him what for aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrgghhhhh! How stupid can this man be to think that you would cheat on him when you have been the mainstay in your relationship keeping everything together. ((((Hugs)))) xx

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  11.  
    • Kerrylou
      CommentAuthorKerrylou
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    He was being deadly serious Ataraxia :( If it was all in jest I would have laughed it off xxx

    It could well be nerves, I don't know. I thought about talking to him then slipped into an "I don't actually give a 5h!t anymore" frame of mind - this doesn't bode well!!
    xxx

    Members signature icon
    It's right what they say
    "The course of true love never runs smoothly"
    But if it had been easy then we wouldn't love each other as
    much as we do right now - 1 week to go :D
  12.  
    • Ataraxia
      CommentAuthorAtaraxia
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    I think what Spooney said sums it up. You've done way too much to keep your relationship afloat that for him to even THINK something like that is so very unfair to you!

    Maybe a chat is needed, to see if he is just nervous or having doubts or whatnot! It'll be better to get everything into the open and sorted to make these last few weeks better for the two of you! Hope you get it fixed, you've both come so far and you yourself have worked so hard to get to where you are today! x

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  13.  
    • Happilymarried Mrs G
      CommentAuthorHappilymarried Mrs G
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    You may not like my reply but i am going to put what i think. So sorry in advance.
    I do not know your history but judging by others responses this is not a one off sin by h2b, and you say yourself that you are physically and mentally exhausted by him. This leads me to wonder is is possible that he has wedding nerves and is just picking at everything trying to pick fights. Maybe he feels its all too good to be true and is looking for fault everywhere expecting it to go wrong, is that possible?
    Maybe he actually is having second thoughts and is trying to cause a rift by making mad accusations?
    Maybe he was worried about you, but too manly to show it and so it came out that way instead, to make sure you knew your lateness had been noticed and he does care?
    Maybe he is feeling quite low in his self esteem and in making comments like that is actually after some reassurance from you?
    Maybe he genuienly doesnt trust you for whatever reason, possibly even guilt if he has every done anything he shouldnt have?

    There may be many reasons for his behaviour, though none of them make it acceptable. Men act in very mysterious ways but i honestly think that before you can move forward you need to sit down with him and have a serious talk.
    Best of luck. Big hugs.
  14.  
    • Kerrylou
      CommentAuthorKerrylou
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    Mrs Walker - He's never been cheated on, however I have so I know damn well what a horrible thing it is to find out the person you love and trust is actually a good for nothing piece of cr@p and this is why I wouldn't cheat on Ross. Sorry, I'm not having a go at you, I'm just so upset it's unreal :'( xxx

    Maybe he is scared of losing me, since I've gone back to work I've got a social life again, with it being a pub I've made friends with a lot of men and I'm not exactly hideous. Maybe he's worried that he's not enough for me, but whatever, I'm sick of having to bite my tongue and always be the one to make it right and hold it together.
    Maybe I should have an affair *pfffft*
    xxx
    (I didn't mean that btw)

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    It's right what they say
    "The course of true love never runs smoothly"
    But if it had been easy then we wouldn't love each other as
    much as we do right now - 1 week to go :D
  15.  
    • Ataraxia
      CommentAuthorAtaraxia
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    Maybe that's it then, maybe he's feeling a little bit insecure because you're socialising and making friends and it's bound to be making you feel more confident and happy etc... maybe he's even a bit jealous? Does he go out a lot with his friends? I know my h2b wasn't happy when I had a bar job as there's a lot of male attention (even though I tried explaining to him that a drunk man will hit on anything, even a fruit machine, my h2b still found it hard to watch) so maybe there's another reason!

    I would imagine he is scared of losing you seeing as it's been such a crazy ride and he must know that your magic box of Kerry's Ross chances is getting low on supply! He's a silly man, but we all know this :P

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  16.  
    • Kerrylou
      CommentAuthorKerrylou
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    I hear what you're saying blondmumma but he knows me well enough to know that I'm not going to cheat on him, that despite everything there is no-one else I would ever want to be with and he also knows that I've learnt to look after myself over the years. Yes, he has insecurity issues - I'm the breadwinner of the house so he feels like a failure, he has very little self-esteem and I know he worries about me leaving him.
    What he seems to have bypassed is the bit where he knows I won't put up with accusations like that because I wouldn't even entertain the idea of being with anyone else.
    As awful as it sounds (and I know how awful it sounds) I'm done with trying to alleviate his worries and fears, I'm through with monnycoddling and pandering to him every time he has a skitty fit - he's 30, not 3 and I feel more like his bl00dy mother most of the time. As much as I love him I can't take this anymore
    xxx

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    It's right what they say
    "The course of true love never runs smoothly"
    But if it had been easy then we wouldn't love each other as
    much as we do right now - 1 week to go :D
  17.  
    • Happilymarried Mrs G
      CommentAuthorHappilymarried Mrs G
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    I think an extreamly serious chat is in order then hun as no one should have to go through that all of the time. You need to have major words with him. Good luck.
  18.  
    • nickers
      CommentAuthornickers
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    cant believe he said thaTmaybe ur right as you have gone back to wrk but still no reason for him to say that its not fair bless ya hun big hugs xxx

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  19.  
    • Kerrylou
      CommentAuthorKerrylou
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    I'm going to have to talk to him aren't I? Such a mess.
    Is another 50 years of this honestly worth it?
    :(
    xxx

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    It's right what they say
    "The course of true love never runs smoothly"
    But if it had been easy then we wouldn't love each other as
    much as we do right now - 1 week to go :D
  20.  
    • nickers
      CommentAuthornickers
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    you are hun hope it goes ok xxx

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  21.  
    • Kerrylou
      CommentAuthorKerrylou
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    Cheers nickers hun
    xxx

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    It's right what they say
    "The course of true love never runs smoothly"
    But if it had been easy then we wouldn't love each other as
    much as we do right now - 1 week to go :D
  22.  
    • GregorysGirl
      CommentAuthorGregorysGirl
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    I know what he said was totatlly out of order, but the fact that you are now the breadwinner and are out socialising, meeting new people etc. can really knock a mans ego, not that I agree with them acting like idiots but as much as he probably knows he is acting stupid, he can't help how he feels and then came out with what he said to you. It amazes me even after 3 years with my h2b that pride and ego can make them act like right muppets! Deep down they haven't moved on from being cavemen! I really hope it works out for you hun, you deserve to be happy! xxx

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  23.  
    • Kerrylou
      CommentAuthorKerrylou
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    Stupid male ego = what's good for the goose isn't good for the gander
    It's perfectly alright for him to go out and socialise with his mates but it's NOT alright for me to do the same. He's out with the lads but that's ok because I know him well enough to know he'd never do anything like that but what's not ok is for me to go out with my mates because that must mean I'm sleeping around.
    I seriously want to smash his head in!

    Sorry, didn't mean to go all ranty like that. I don't know what else I can do to make him feel more secure.

    Anyhoo - I've asked him to come and see me after he's finished work, see what's going on in that idiot ball of cotton wool he's got stashed up top
    xxx

    Members signature icon
    It's right what they say
    "The course of true love never runs smoothly"
    But if it had been easy then we wouldn't love each other as
    much as we do right now - 1 week to go :D
  24.  
    • heidianne
      CommentAuthorheidianne
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    God sake why???? Does he need to confess something?? This is getting silly. What are you going to do?? x x x

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  25.  
    • Kerrylou
      CommentAuthorKerrylou
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    You tell me Heidi. I doubt very much he has anything to confess but this is just another stupid ferking Tempest melodrama to make me look like a total b!tch - again!!

    Right now I want to tell him I've had enough, he can pack his bags and go home to his mummy and never to bother darkening my towers again...........let's just hope I've calmed down before he gets here
    xxx

    Members signature icon
    It's right what they say
    "The course of true love never runs smoothly"
    But if it had been easy then we wouldn't love each other as
    much as we do right now - 1 week to go :D
  26.  
    • lovelylainee
      CommentAuthorlovelylainee
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    big hugs hun - it sounds like he is having a lot of insecure feelings and is taking it out on you in the wrong way. I think you both need a good long chat. Loadsa love hun and I kniow where you are coming from. I trust rob but he doesn't always like it when i go out although that has improved over the last year or so. Good luck and hope all gets sorted out xxx

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  27.  
    • CommentAuthorButterflyDreamer
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    OMG honey, To be honest i really don't know what to say, all the others give better advice than i probably ever could, But I am sending you big hugs and really hope the chat works xxxxxx
  28.  
    • luvlifejen (mrs berr
      CommentAuthorluvlifejen (mrs berr
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    omfg i'd be fuminnnnnnnnnnnn to!!! thats just nasty :( xx

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  29.  
    • Kerrylou
      CommentAuthorKerrylou
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    Well we've had 'the chat'
    Apparently it was a 'joke' and as I pointed out it isn't a funny one, and despite the fact that I was sat in tears he didn't have a word to offer to attempt to make me feel better, he didn't give me a hug, nothing (and I don't know why this still surprises me)
    I ended up telling him I don't think getting married is the right thing to do because most of the time we're living in 2 different universes and all he could say was "Oh" then 2 minutes later started trying to reassure me that he does love me.......I'm sorry but since when did loving someone mean you let them feel like crap because of your actions?

    I seriously don't have the strength for this anymore :'(
    xxx

    Members signature icon
    It's right what they say
    "The course of true love never runs smoothly"
    But if it had been easy then we wouldn't love each other as
    much as we do right now - 1 week to go :D
  30.  
    • GregorysGirl
      CommentAuthorGregorysGirl
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    Oh honey, so sorry that he has made you feel so deflated and tired of it all. Does he even realise what he is letting slip away from him?! Don't know what else to say but whatever happens you have a lot of people who care about you on here and in the "real" world, and are always here for you to unload on. Big hugs. xx

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    This Saturday I will finally be Mrs Codling!
  31.  
    • spooney24
      CommentAuthorspooney24
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    From reading what you have written on your update post I do think you need a break from Ross and take time out to decide exactly what you really want without any influence from him or other members of the family. I know if I was in your position after all you have gone through I would think of postponing the wedding until I decided how I felt and whether I wanted to still be with my partner. I didn't want to say this as I had been looking forward to celebrating my 1st wedding anniversary at the same time as you would be getting wed and raising a glass to you and Ross.

    How do you feel right now? Do you want to marry Ross in July? Have a really good think and lead with your head not your heart. I am here as I am sure the rest of us are for you whenever you need to chat. xx

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  32.  
    • x ashlil x
      CommentAuthorx ashlil x
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    ah hun men are so insensitive, do you really want to do this? marriage is for life not just for xmas lol. sorry trying to lighten the mood, hope you sort it out x
  33.  
    • Rachie :D
      CommentAuthorRachie :D
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    Kerry can I seriously come and give him a slap? After all he and his witch of a mother have put you through how dare he! Wow im really angry for you and gutted. I thought he knew better then that :(

    Loads of love xxxx

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  34.  
    • Kat
      CommentAuthorKat
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    Just seen this thread and I'm really sorry that life still isn't easy. You need to think long and hard about what you want because whilst relationships aren't always easy they shouldn't be as hard as yours appears to be from the outside.

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  35.  
    • suzky123
      CommentAuthorsuzky123
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    ok. I may be off the mark but I think its jealousy of the new life you lead and is wondering if you need him? He is so close to having you but is possibly panicking something bad will happen before he gets chance. Alternaively, it could be wedding nerves and he is lashing out? or genuinely he is unhappy that you are now doing well for yourself and is jealous. Who knows. You need to ask him where this is coming from and make it clear that he has to trust you or you wont be able to go through with your day x

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  36.  
    • Honest John!
      CommentAuthorHonest John!
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    What can I say...Hes a man...We open our mouths and S*** comes out.
    I hope it all works out for you.
  37.  
    • stressed to max b2b
      CommentAuthorstressed to max b2b
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    ok is it nerves? jelousey? or guilty concinencse?

    ok i havent read all but have read some and something u said caught my eye, but it did i was goin to say sounds like a jelouse guilty conciences but now seeing sonmething u wrote im thinking he is scared, u used to be a saty home mummy he knew where u was what u was doin who u was with now your out and about working havin fun and livin a life,which he doesnt like, and is jelouse and insecure that u might meet someone else.

    i went bac temporary over xmas and did alot of hours some startin at 10 in a mornin and not finishing till 2/3.00 in a morning stayin behind to clean tidy and resort all shelves, as it was xmas and a toy shop it needed doin every night, there was about 6 woman and 2 sometimes 4/5 guys, that also worked over mainly managers and supervisors with odd few of us assistants, my manager was a make and obviousley when i came home from work with tails of thinsg that had made me laugh or upset me or he asked what id been doin, i obviousley mentioned his name alot and he hated it and started questioning and makin sarci comments. we even went in the shop a while bac and said o looks ****** there. men are quiet pathetic at times.

    id sit and reasure him even though u shouldnt need to. i have worked on my realationship way to long and feel like given up now, but then think to myself im not given up after this long, but again im drained emotionless and empty and dont even know what i want anymore.

    i wish u all the best and hope he realises what hes got before hes gone hunny xxx

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  38.  
    • Kerrylou
      CommentAuthorKerrylou
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    I agree with what you're saying Spooney my love - I really do need to figure out where to go from here. I don't know what I want anymore and it's not going to be an easy answer to find. I love him with everything I've got but after everything this has got too much xxx

    At the risk of sounding like the most cruel and heartless woman on the planet - I know he's insecure, I know he's a bit jealous and I know he's petrified of losing everything he's ever dreamed of having but I'm so done with the whole monnycoddling/reassurance lark. He knew damn well that I would never leave him, he knew how much I totally and utterly adored him, he knew there was nothing I wouldn't do for him, he knew I would be there by his side to deal with whatever life threw at us and he knew that I would never do anything if I thought it would hurt him.
    I got home last night and spent nearly 3 hours waiting for him to say something, anything to save this wreckage of a relationship and when he finally did speak all I got was "I can't process this, I've got such a mental block" i.e: "Kerry, what do I do?" I was sort of hoping for something along the lines of "I am so sorry, I do love you, please don't cancel the wedding, please don't leave me"
    Maybe I'm asking too much, but is asking to be loved really too much?

    I need to sit and have a proper think today and decide what I want to do. Thanks everyone
    xxx

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    It's right what they say
    "The course of true love never runs smoothly"
    But if it had been easy then we wouldn't love each other as
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  39.  
    • CommentAuthor~ஜ~Tiggs Daltry~ஜ~
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    as someone once told me DO WHATS RIGHT FOR YOU,do you really want to spend your married life wondering if hes still accusing you,i know i wouldnt.but as someone mentioned earlier jelosy can make people do strange things,plus his insecurities come in to it,i just hope you can resolve the situation.take care xxx
  40.  
    • clewsy
      CommentAuthorclewsy
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    i agree with you karen daltry do whats right for youxx hope you get it sorted
  41.  
    • CommentAuthorloubyscooby
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    Kerry, I really hope you do take time to sit and think about all this. As Spooney said you need to work out whether you can carry on doing this as Ross seems to always mess it up. You said after last time that you needed to think of the girls and put them first but please put yourself first as the girls will always be happy if their Mum is content. I know you love Ross but and this is a big but how many more times can you do this. After all you have done for him and all the support you have given him, for him to say something like that is NOT a joke so I really do feel for you. If I had a magic relationship wand I would use it for you as you are a top lady so as I don't I'm sending you a hug and hope that you know that it isn't too much to ask to be loved. Take care xx
  42.  
    • Kerrylou
      CommentAuthorKerrylou
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    *HUGE HUGS* loubyscooby - you're such a sweet lovely lady!
    I've resolved that I can do this for the rest of my life, just that I don't want to - I'm sick of having to clear up the mess that gets created around us, my understanding of a partnership is doing it together and not one of you screwing it up while the other one sorts it out. He's harder to live with than both the girls put together!!
    I don't know what the future holds but I'm slowly swaying towards the decision not to marry him, I DO love him but I resent having to always be the one who takes all the crap and dealing with the ridiculousness. I've got enough on my plate without having to wipe the backside of a 30 year old man, and I'm so drained, don't think I've ever been so tired.

    He knows how big a slap in the face it was for him to accuse me and my reaction has really thrown him off balance, I told him in no uncertain terms what a richard cranium I think he is for saying it and that he was way out of order. Suppose I'll have to see what this evening brings *heavy sigh*
    xxx

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    It's right what they say
    "The course of true love never runs smoothly"
    But if it had been easy then we wouldn't love each other as
    much as we do right now - 1 week to go :D
  43.  
    • CommentAuthorloubyscooby
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    You just keep your chin up and stay strong. I admire the way you are dealing with this and with that maturity comes the ability to see that just loving someone isn't enough as you both need to pull together, it is not a tug of war. Good luck for later, you are in my thoughts x
  44.  
    • nickers
      CommentAuthornickers
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    think the girls have said it all honey good post by louby big hugs you deserve to be happy chicken xxx

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  45.  
    • Latoria
      CommentAuthorLatoria
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I remember me and my h2b going through a really bad. It was just like you described Kerry, the exact same. I put up with it so long.. then I just finally blew up at him. I said to him that I was sick of acting like his mother and if he had any respect or love for me, he wouldnt be doing any of this crap. I told him I hated him and couldnt stand to be around him. I packed my bags and he just literally stood there and cried (Had seen him cry before but not to this extent..)
    I was at work taking my space away from him and he sent me this message to me on facebook..
    baby i love you okay and i never want to lose you.. i am sorry for eveything that has happened and i know that u will never forgive me but i love you so much... i pwomise you i will change.. its now or never for us and i cant lose you.. weve built to much of a life in a way to go our seperate ways.. i cannot be without you.. u are the best thing that has happened to me and maybe a major scare was what i needed... i want to marry you and settle down with you baby... i will never ever break ur faith in me again!! i love you victoria xxxx

    Maybe he was right a huge scare was what he needed, and to my astonishment, he has changed.

    Go with your heart hun, if he isnt willing to do these things that you want from him, then sit and question your relationship with him. You only get one shot at life babe, dont waste it.. take it by the horns and be brave.
    Your a strong independant woman, just like we all are, and we all have our blips with our partners.. some bad, some worse and some too much to cope with. But you have to ask yourself.. Am i completely happy?
    Don't stay because of the sake of it or you dont have the confidence to walk away. Be you and thats the best you can be.

    Its about time he thought about you as well and not just himself..

    I wish you all the best babe xxxx
  46.  
    • mandymoo
      CommentAuthormandymoo
     
    Hello, im new on here, was having a look around ukb and came across your post. I hope you dont mind me commenting but from what you have said so far I wanted to add to what everyone else has said.

    Whilst everyone's comments are good and there's some good advice and support for you, no one really knows the situation like you and h2b do so only the pair of you can decide your future together and whether it is all worth it.

    But I just wanted to say (and I hope you dont think i'm being out of line as I mean no offence) if he is as bad as you say why do you love him? If things are really this bad before you are even married (when this is supposed to be the honeymoon period) why not put the wedding on hold for a while and concentrate on sorting out the issues surrounding the relationship.... surely it would be better to start married life in marital bliss rather than starting on a bad footing?

    I hope that you manage to get everything sorted for all your sakes
    :)
  47.  
    • CommentAuthorloubyscooby
      BadgeBadge
     
    Mandymoo, firstly welcome and secondly thats what this is all about. From time to time we all need to ask for opinions, advice or just to get stuff off our chests so all comments (constructively written) are valuable and you have made some really good points x
  48.  
    • mandymoo
      CommentAuthormandymoo
     
    Thank you loubyscooby.

    x
 

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