Have you ever laid in bed awake whilst everyone else is asleep & found your brain wont switch off? I'm lying here crying my eyes out because all the horrible things my h2b has done to me over the years have popped into my head.
We have had 2 vey rough patches over the yrs.... the first was just after our youngest was born & our eldest was only about 1.5 & had a urine infection so just constantly screamed h2b was working 7 on 3 off all nights & was shattered doing 12hrs driving each night. one day i woke him up.to feed him (h2b) before work... he wasnt happy at all especialky.with eldest screaming non stop. (we didnt.find.out.it.was a urine.infection.until a couple hrs later. anyway h2b stormed.off... when.he didnt come home half way.through his shift i msged him to see if he was ok... when.he didnt reply i really started to.panic. got a mutual.mate to.call to.see if.he was ok or in.a ditch somewhere.having.driven himself off the road from sleep deprevation! When he finally returned in the morning I was still up sick with worry! We had a huge discussion about everything.... no raised voices nothing. Turns out he didnt know he loved me anymore... he said that he had only been sleeping with me for "something to do". I feel physically sick just typing this! We had 2wks where we werent sure if we were going to pull through. We shared a bed but were.practically falling out of both side of it. I was a good little house keepe.. simply sorted the kids... kept the place tidy & had dinner on the table whether he got himself out of bed for it or not. I wouldnt.let him.near me for.fear it was "only something to.do" for.him. Then about 10days in my bedtime routine changed.... I didnt say goodnight & I didnt tell him I loved him. At about day 13 I heard him cry himself to.sleep.for.a change. Day 14 he rolled.over & whispered in my ear that he loves.me & hes sorry for putting me through the past 2wks. After that we took it slow but we never got to that point again.
A couple of yrs ago some nasty stuff happened & I lost 2 members of my family & my h2b helped to make a 3rd (married in) member pay for.their actions.... anyway the stress of watchig our backs, gettig no support from the cops (due to situation) me having operarations on.my back, h2b being made redundant (life in general) just got.too.much & h2b broke the engagement off.... I was heartbroken... devestated (all the words just dont seem to.express how I felt properly) my world had crumbled around me & the only one keeping me sane didnt want to marry me anymore! just under a year later (weekly.date days/nights forced on.us by friends to help us get past it) & I broke his engagement ring & about 2 wks.later proposed to him & it was back on.
Now my h2b is my.world... hes the one thing thats kept me going after everything iv lost these past few years including losing a friend.to meningitus & 2 of my family members to god knows where.... but much as he has been my rock.... hes also been so nasty! I love him & I KNOW marrying him is the RIGHT decision but at the same time Im laying here in floods of tears because its popped into.my head when all I wanna do is sleep!
Please tell me you all have gone through this in the double figure countdown to your weddings?!
Find out who you are & do it on purpose!
CommentAuthorFlossie
You've said yourself you know marrying him is the right thing to do and you love him, so it's not as if you are having doubts or questioning your relationship.. that's the main thing. Every couple has their ups and downs and if you have managed to get through all of that together then you really do have something/someone special. Life isn't all roses and fairytales but despite everything that has happened in the past, you still deserve your happy ending! Obviously I'm not at the same point as you right now but I'd say it was normal to rake over those thoughts so close to the wedding; it's a big commitment, it's just human nature! However, it won't do either of you any good living in the past.. hopefully now you've thought about it, had a little vent and a cry, you can focus on the present and the future :) hope you're feeling better today xx
Happily married
18th June 2016
xx
CommentAuthorMrsEmmaP
I think it's pretty normal to be having thoughts like that, it is a big commitment and it is scary! I am not as close to the wedding as you but even I have thought 'do I actually want to get married', I know that I do it's what I've wanted for years and I love my H2B more than anything but at that moment I just got so scared of it all and all the pressure of planning etc got on top of me. It is perfectly normal and like Flossie said, it is no good living in the past, it won't do you or your relationship any good, focus on the future and how happy your married life will be :) hope you feel better x
Got together on 14th March 2010
Got engaged on 25th December 2013
Became Mrs P on 14th May 2016 - best day ever!
CommentAuthorclairenina
I'm sorry, I have never gone through any of that, but no 2 relationships are the same. The main thing is for you, that it is all over and you have come out of the other side of it positively. Whilst we all learn from the past, it's not healthy to let it affect the present or future. You'll be fine, I think those thoughts are cropping up purely out of anxiety xx
CommentAuthorKatya
Well I woke up this morning (25mins ago) to h2b telling me he loves me & once.I was awake he asked me to make his packed lunch as he woke up 2hrs late for work.... Man needs his sandwiches lol. Back to bed now having promised the.kids.breakfast at 10 (trying.to teach yougest how to tell the time). I do feel better now I have slept. & I do know what I am doing is right. The thing.is I can be quite.happy with how things are then something will pop into my head & put me.in tears. . I do.love him with his section of my heart (parts of it are reserved for.the.little gremlins that wonder round calling me mum). I dont really know.whT iv been feeling lately (this wasnt the first time this week) But its not.like.I try to live in the past. I just think.too much. At the end.of.the.day he has been nice an awful lot more than nasty. the nice does defi.ately out way the nasty but I was just kinda hoping im not the only.one? I know this wedding will go to plan... it is planned perfectly.... its my job not just my wedding..... but despite knowing it will all go off without a hitch part of.me just thinks of thhe stupid things like him leaving me at the alter & moving in with his parents, or the past.
(sorry about all the dots & spelling mistakes im on my phone with fat fingers)
It's not about the wedding going to plan though.. even if it all goes belly up, the most important thing is you are marrying the man you love and want to spend the rest of your life with. That's the part you need to be sure about, not the actual wedding itself and the materialistic elements x
Happily married
18th June 2016
xx
CommentAuthorKatya
I think the only doubts I have are whether or not like i say.... he leaves me at the alter.... I dont fanvy the job of telling everyone they had a wasted trip or heading home to him after that. The problem is..... to him a wedding is just an expensive bit of paper & a change of name. Hes not fussed at all.... The only thing he was ever really fussed about was the wedding rings. We have had discussions before & he is not worried at all (hes a terrible liar so I would know if he was trying to hide from me)
Find out who you are & do it on purpose!
CommentAuthorFlossie
If he wasn't fussed he wouldn't have agreed to it, surely? If he was fussed about the wedding rings then at least he has shown interest in something.. if I was going to leave someone at the alter I doubt I would be fussed about which ring I had chosen as wouldn't be wearing it anyway. That's a dreadful thing to be worrying about :( I think you really need to get everything cleared up as 3 months is a long time to have these worries in your head xx
Happily married
18th June 2016
xx
CommentAuthorMrsEmmaP
I agree with Flossie, he surely wouldn't have agreed to anything and I think you would be able to tell if he was planning to leave you. He wouldn't of chosen the ring of all things. I think most men don't get involved in wedding planning and just get the things they need to, it's totally normal. I would suggest speaking to him about your worries though as they will eat away at you if not and it may ruin your wedding :( x
Got together on 14th March 2010
Got engaged on 25th December 2013
Became Mrs P on 14th May 2016 - best day ever!
