Hi everyone sorry to have a pure rant again but i nedd to get this off my chest(it might take a bit) well my H2Bs sister has been a complete nightmare lately, not only has she now said (to other people behind my back)that she is going to try and split me and my H2B up but the wedding will happen over her dead body!!!!! I am so angry just now and i am trying to keep my temper down but because H2B parents have both past away and she is his only sister i have been trying to bite my tounge and not rise to her bate. Well that was untill last weekend when her and some of our other friends got together in her house for a drink (i was asked to join them)all the bitching started up again i had noticed over the past year or so that all they do is talk about whoever is not there and some carry stories back and forward to make themselfs look good. So i decided i didnt want to be part of it and took a step back away from them but anyway my H2B as at work nightshitf when he got a text from his sister saying she had been told we were both talking about her and she wanted nothing else to do with either of us i must admit i was relived about her not wanting to talk to me but i thought she was being unfair to H2B. so he phoned her the next day when she was sobber and she was like ohhh im sorry i didnt mean to take it out on you its just all her fault(meaning me) and she was giving him all the she is taking you away from me and i never get to see you ect ect ect
To let you understand my H2B works in security and dose really long hours and most weeks work 5 or 6 days and she dosnt work but she expects him on his day off to get up early and get the bus over to hers we have both made her welcome in our house but unless we are paying for her taxis (costing £15) she wouldnt come over if you have read my past posts you will no about all the she will wont will wont be a bm carry on and all the carry on with her asking to borrow money all the time and not paying it back but i am really sick of all this carry on with her now. i have told my H2B that if i have to see her i will not say anything and be polite unless she starts but i wish that she wasnt in our lifes is that wrong all she dose is try and pull H2B down and anytime he gets anything she is so jelious and tries to ruin things for him and has always been like this she kicked up that much fuss when she was a kid about sharing a room with him that he had to be sent to live with there aunt and she got spoiled (can you tell) then when they did move back in toghter and there dad died she turned into this bitter twisted person. i used to be friends with her when we were kids and then when there mum died she got worse towards H2B and he has alays gave in to her for peace she split up his last relationship and i am determand she is not going to do it with us dose anyone have an ideas what we could do cos all i can think of is for me and h2B to cut all ties once and for all
sorry everyone for the long rant but any advice you have would be great xx
CommentAuthortimpson123
Ok I think you need to rise above it. I would text her and say something like
'I'm sorry if you have misunderstood something that I have said, or being told something incorrect by someone else. I don't want to take H2B off you firstly because i know he cares a lot about you and secondly I'm not that pathetic. However I don't like the way he keeps being hurt by you and I won't apologise for feeling that is wrong. If you continue as you are you will push him away and there will be nobody to blame but yourself. I hope we can move on from this as adults.'
or words to that effect
Then if she comes back with anything just remind her that there may be some shit stirring going on, as you got told she had said she wouldn't allow your wedding to go ahead! and say 'how ridiculas to think you would say something like that, i knew it was lies straight away' then hopefully she will feel like an utter knob
CommentAuthorRosie
Hi mandy thanks i have tired all that with her before and it just keeps happening i am think we would be better just cutting all ties and letting her get on with it i cant take much more of it and i really dont need the stress nether dose H2B xx
CommentAuthorjo Santa
Your h2b might not be able to cut ties... he has little family left if his mum n dad are both dead. Unfortunately the only way I can see is that h2b needs to get firm and say to her that he can't lend / give her any more money and that you two have to pull your belts in and so can't afford to visit every week - would she come to you every other week instead. He must not pay for her to get to or from yours tho - if she doesn't visit, then she only gets to see him every other time when he's said he would go. Then he needs to take a deep breath and with you there too you need to both tell her that you don't want this, that you want to be a family - with her - and tell her that you don't intentionally say anything negative about her. (Make sure you don't!!! Not to anyone) Try to have a discussion about it - see where it goes. It might also be good if she was invited to things where she could see you too loved up and content without feeling pushed out.
If all that fails, you need to say to h2b that when you're married, your budget can't include supporting her and that if he wants to see her, can he remember he's with you and you need his time too etc. Be diplomatic - don't tell him to cut her off, but make it clear where you stand and that his decision must not be bad for you two as a couple.
Jo Santa
CommentAuthorRosie
hi jo honesly i have tried all that with her this has been going on for over 2 years with her and everytime we try and ask her to do anything we ether get a no or she dosnt have any money ect and if we try and talk about the wedding she just cuts us off or changes the subject a couple of time she has got up and walked away i am really at the end of the road i have said to H2B that whatever he wants to do i will suport him but even he said he cant keep doing this i am really at a loss as to what else to try i know familys all have there ups and downs but what else is there left to do xx
Then there's nothing left to do. H2b will get to the stage that he's ready to make that decision for himself. You will find that life changes naturally if you go down the route of children etc. Your friends will change and there won't be so many people to go running back to SIL - just don't bad mouth her to anyone you think might be connected, then you can't be in the wrong.
Don't go on at h2b about it - you can't let her come between you else she's won. Just do waht you said and support him and you'll be doing what a wife should be doing :0)
Bear with it hun xx
Jo Santa
CommentAuthorRosie
thanks jo i think that is all i can do the thing is i dont talk about her to anyone because i know what like all her friends are but yeah i think i have done all i can and if she wants to ruin her relationship with her brother then i am just going to sit back and watch he know where i stand and he knows it all rubbish thanks again xx
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
unless she is made to stand on her own two feet she never will
You have to talk to your H2B and explain that it is really getting to you and suggest to him that it may not be a permanant thing but to maybe cut ties with her to show that he will not always be there for her. Tell him its just until she realises what a pain she is being, and well maybe your H2B will enjoy the piece and relised he needed to do it all along! xxx
CommentAuthorRosie
that sounds like a good idea weemintymonkie i think i will try that what have i got to lose at the end of the day if it dosnt work i have lost nothing trying thanks everyone for all your help xx
CommentAuthorKaz
I was assuming this girl was a stroppy teen but she's not is she? I think that she needs to be forced to stand on her own 2 feet and grow up! Good luck Rosie x
WARNING:
I say the first thing I think of!
CommentAuthorKayteeG
I really don't know what to suggest hun - families are such hard work! I really hope you get things sorted out though, keep us in the loop x
CommentAuthorRosie
Hi everyone Thank you all for your help well me and H2B had a good chat again about what was best and today he is going to see his sister and lay it on the line and tell her straight how it is and he is just going to say if she wants to continue the way she is then thats her choice but we wont be putting up with it the choice is hers but he wants us all to be able to get on and for her to be happy for him and he said he make sure she knows that we will not be helping her out anymore unless it is am emergancy and he is not going running everything she clicks his fingers so lets hope this works i will let you know what happens xx
CommentAuthorMrsGrant2B
hope this works fingers crossed! :)
CommentAuthorClarabella
Rosie i know how you feel i have kinda the same problem with my furture sil but my big problem is my h2b is close to his sister so no matter what i do i look like the b i t c h. She even said to me that she can get rid of me if she wants to this was about 2 years ago before h2b proposed and about 4 months after i had sold my flat and had bought our house together. So i told him but what annoyed me was he said that sounded like her!!! and he didnt do anything about it. It wasnt until recently that he said he asked her about it and of course she said that thats not exactly what she had said. I got the feeling he didnt believe me so i even sweared on our daughters life that thats what she had said but i still didnt feel like he believed me. I feel really hurt by the way hes treated me and after we had that huge fight he said that our daughter and me was so important to him but i dont feel very important to him at all
Started losing weight last year 22/1/11 - 13 Stone 12 pounds
Lost this week 2lbs ;0)
Weighs as of 29/9/12 10 stone 12 lbs
